Normally when I pick up a wrong number in Thailand an exercise in 'how many times can you say hello' ensues.
Slap: Hello
Wrong number: Hello
Slap: Hello
WN: Hello
Slap: Hello
WN: Hello
SLAP: HELLO
WN: Hello
SLAP: FUCKING HELLO
WN: Hello
SLAP:Being the recipient of this call it is my task to say 'Hello'. You don't actually need to say 'Hello' at all. Not once. You simply need to wait for my greeting, that of 'Hello', and then continue to state your business. But after this terse tete a tete I have quickly been able to deduce that you are quite possibly one of the most deranged people on the planet and should therefore lop you head of with an axe, post haste, lest you spread your wrath of retardation. Be gone, peasant.
But when my phone rang last night as I was lying in bed, contemplating whether or not to yank myself into oblivion, I wasn't greeted with a Hello at all. No, quite the contrary. The person on the other end of the telephone apparently wanted to remove my innards via my anus, with its bare hands.
The conversation followed:
Slap: Hello
Lunatic: FDGYEFYUGEWIYFGWEYIFGWYIEFGWYIFGWYIEFGWQFYI2EGFWYI GFIWEFIYWGFIYWEGFIWFGWIKUNTKUNTKUNT!
Slap: Erm...
Lunatic:JHURFHUIERFHRUIEFHUFHEUORFHUEROFHUOEFHOEUR WANKERWANKERWANKER!
Slap: I think you've...
Lunatic: HJFIHFOUREHFUOHFUOWHFOUWHFOUWHFTWATTWATTWAT!
Slap: ...got the...
Lunatic: HJUOEHFOUWHEFOUWFHOWEUHFOUHFOWEHFOARSEARSEARSE!
Slap: ...wrong...
Lunatic: HUEWHFDUOWEHYFUOWEHFUOWHFUOWHFOWEUHFCOCKCOCKCOCK!
Slap: ...number?
Lunatic:HUDHFUEWHGFUIOWEHFUOWEGHFUOWEFHUOWEFHOBAST ARDBASTARDBASTARD!
Slap: *Puts phone down*
Lunatic: * Ring Ring - Ring Ring - Ring Ring*
Slap: Yes?
Lunatic:JIFJIFJIOFJHREOIUFGHEROIUGHREOIGHREOIUGHRE OIUGHREOGHEROGSWEARWORD!
Slap: FUCK OFF YOU PRICK, I'M TRYING TO HAVE A CUNTING WANK!
Lunatic: *Puts phone down*
I think you'll find two can play at that game, young man.