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Old 02-01-2014, 08:42 AM   #1 (permalink)
splendid and tremendous
 
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Wrong number?

Normally when I pick up a wrong number in Thailand an exercise in 'how many times can you say hello' ensues.

Slap: Hello

Wrong number: Hello

Slap: Hello

WN: Hello

Slap: Hello

WN: Hello

SLAP: HELLO

WN: Hello

SLAP: FUCKING HELLO

WN: Hello

SLAP:Being the recipient of this call it is my task to say 'Hello'. You don't actually need to say 'Hello' at all. Not once. You simply need to wait for my greeting, that of 'Hello', and then continue to state your business. But after this terse tete a tete I have quickly been able to deduce that you are quite possibly one of the most deranged people on the planet and should therefore lop you head of with an axe, post haste, lest you spread your wrath of retardation. Be gone, peasant.


But when my phone rang last night as I was lying in bed, contemplating whether or not to yank myself into oblivion, I wasn't greeted with a Hello at all. No, quite the contrary. The person on the other end of the telephone apparently wanted to remove my innards via my anus, with its bare hands.

The conversation followed:

Slap: Hello

Lunatic: FDGYEFYUGEWIYFGWEYIFGWYIEFGWYIFGWYIEFGWQFYI2EGFWYI GFIWEFIYWGFIYWEGFIWFGWIKUNTKUNTKUNT!

Slap: Erm...

Lunatic:JHURFHUIERFHRUIEFHUFHEUORFHUEROFHUOEFHOEUR WANKERWANKERWANKER!

Slap: I think you've...

Lunatic: HJFIHFOUREHFUOHFUOWHFOUWHFOUWHFTWATTWATTWAT!

Slap: ...got the...

Lunatic: HJUOEHFOUWHEFOUWFHOWEUHFOUHFOWEHFOARSEARSEARSE!

Slap: ...wrong...

Lunatic: HUEWHFDUOWEHYFUOWEHFUOWHFUOWHFOWEUHFCOCKCOCKCOCK!

Slap: ...number?

Lunatic:HUDHFUEWHGFUIOWEHFUOWEGHFUOWEFHUOWEFHOBAST ARDBASTARDBASTARD!

Slap: *Puts phone down*

Lunatic: * Ring Ring - Ring Ring - Ring Ring*

Slap: Yes?

Lunatic:JIFJIFJIOFJHREOIUFGHEROIUGHREOIGHREOIUGHRE OIUGHREOGHEROGSWEARWORD!

Slap: FUCK OFF YOU PRICK, I'M TRYING TO HAVE A CUNTING WANK!

Lunatic: *Puts phone down*


I think you'll find two can play at that game, young man.

Last edited by somtamslap : 02-01-2014 at 08:49 AM.
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Old 02-01-2014, 09:46 AM   #2 (permalink)
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So you did get my call.
Thought I had the number wrong for a while.
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Old 02-01-2014, 10:02 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Necron99
So you did get my call.
Thought I had the number wrong for a while.
Ahh. I see. I must say that your Laotian is practically fluent.

Try and be a bit more saucy next time.

I might have to try phone sex...

Anyone got any numbers?

All I need is a prolonged 'kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa' to instigate the onset of seismic underpant activity.
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Old 02-01-2014, 10:38 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Necron99
So you did get my call.
Thought I had the number wrong for a while.
Ahh. I see. I must say that your Laotian is practically fluent.
Had just finished a long deep immersion session with my teacher Mr Chang.
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Old 02-01-2014, 11:23 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Necron99
All I need is a prolonged 'kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa'
a prolonged 'baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa' may be coaxed from withnalls pet lamb
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Old 02-01-2014, 11:26 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by baldrick
a prolonged 'baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa' may be coaxed from withnalls pet lamb
I'd rather it was sung by a sheep than a lamb.
Do you think i is a perv?
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Old 02-01-2014, 11:34 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by withnallstoke View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by baldrick
a prolonged 'baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa' may be coaxed from withnalls pet lamb
I'd rather it was sung by a sheep than a lamb.
Do you think i is a perv?
Well, withnallstoke, have the lambs stopped screaming?
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Old 02-01-2014, 12:08 PM   #8 (permalink)
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When a Thai girls BF phones up, after he's found out that his GF has been f**king me, the call from some illiterate Thai guy usually goes like this:

me: Hallo?

caller: Hallo kap

me: Hallo?

caller: Hallo kap

me: Hallo?

caller: Hallo kap

me: Hallo?

caller: Hallo kap

me: Hallo?

caller: Hallo kap

me: Hallo?

caller: Hallo kap

me: Hallo?

caller: Hallo kap

me: Hallo?

caller: Hallo kap

me: Hallo?

caller: Hallo kap

me: ow arai kap?

caller: hallo kap

Then I hang up and switch off the phone.
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Old 02-01-2014, 12:38 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Slap.I have come to the conclusion that it was an international call from a Pikey in Southern Ireland.

Read it back to yourself!
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Old 02-01-2014, 01:41 PM   #10 (permalink)
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If i am in and a number i don't know calls i say hello they respond in kind.
I then head to the television and leave the phone near a speaker,the caller then spends the next 10 minutes talking to Sorayut,or who ever on at the time.
What amazes me that sometimes the caller is still on the line after 10 minutes still talking.
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