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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    I've got a new job!

    I take drunk people who ride precariously pillion on my motorcycle back to their respective homes/barns/huts/allocated places in the fucking ditch, and it's turning into a most profitable venture indeed.

    One trip invariably lines my gullet with a bottle of ale, a snifter of my favourite aperitif and on special occasions, a robust genitalia tampering, en route to their abodes, courtesy of the wandering hands of the sexually magnificent female farming contingent - although the sassy harlot who was last known to engage my bollocks in an impromptu act of vandalism is now firmly rooted to her husband's side who, in turn, offers me shy but horrendously contemptuous stares every time our paths unfortunately intertwine. The Siamese grapevine operates with alarming efficiency, and this fucker is more than aware that his better half has attempted, on several occasions, to rid Slap of his bollock juice.


    But being the cool motherfucking customer I am, I have reduced social interaction, and am now the sole transporter of massively fucking drunken people to their places of residence, and am so far some 2 boxes of Australian Award Winners to the better.

    Slap: Entrepreneur extraordinaire...

  2. #2
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    Wouldn't their farming hands be horny, calloused claws that Satan himself be jealous of?

  3. #3
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    DJ Pat's Avatar
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    Hope you got the work permit handy?

  4. #4
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingwilly
    Wouldn't their farming hands be horny, calloused claws that Satan himself be jealous of?
    Would you like it udderwise?



    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    The Siamese grapevine operates with alarming efficiency, and this fucker is more than aware that his better half has attempted, on several occasions, to rid Slap of his bollock juice.
    Dodge the get fuck out of.

  5. #5
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingwilly
    Wouldn't their farming hands be horny, calloused claws that Satan himself be jealous of?
    They would indeed. But I was nigh-on brought to a knee-jerk climax the last time the little minx laid her hand on me. There's something grotesquely sexual about filthy female farmers.

  6. #6
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    You need to get a bike like Norton's . Although extremely Gay to look at (though not quite as camp as Elimators) there is a remarkable amount of storage space to conceal a nights takings of half drank Lao Khao and Award winners.



    It also has an elevated pillion seat to prevent Somchai from attempting to ramrod you at 80kmh..

  7. #7
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Pat
    Hope you got the work permit handy?
    Work and Permit. An interesting brace of verbiage that Slap is largely unfamiliar with.
    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    Dodge the get fuck out of.
    The hand that fondled was not forced.

    If hubbie, who was incidentally shafting sluts in Buriram when the incident occurred, is unable to comprehend this, then I shall rightly go about smacking him upside the mush with a large award winning ale.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by kingwilly
    Wouldn't their farming hands be horny, calloused claws that Satan himself be jealous of?
    Would you like it udderwise?

    Hell yeah, give me the baby bum smooth hands of a bone idle office worker any day!

    My bollocks are delicate!

  9. #9
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    there is a remarkable amount of storage space
    Too right! I was swabbed on the sleeve with all manner of matter this evening.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by kingwilly
    Wouldn't their farming hands be horny, calloused claws that Satan himself be jealous of?
    Would you like it udderwise?

    Hell yeah, give me the baby bum smooth hands of a bone idle office worker any day!

    My bollocks are delicate!

  11. #11
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  12. #12
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Already got two booking for this evening. 7.30pm sharp. Free beer is good beer.

  13. #13
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    To be the full motorsai taxi package, you gotta know the best local place for weed and the best local no falangs brothel.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingwilly View Post
    Wouldn't their farming hands be horny, calloused claws that Satan himself be jealous of?
    Fortunately for Slap this terrible malady is only evident in Thai women

  15. #15
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    If you succumb to the advances of the local harlot, you will forever be dammed in the community. Never shit where you eat!

  16. #16
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ltnt
    If you succumb to the advances of the local harlot, you will forever be dammed in the community. Never shit where you eat!
    You're preaching to the choir, homeboy. Slap knows the score.

  17. #17
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    She'll swear blind she's single, like most Thai females, but will most probably have baggy stretch marks & droopy breasts after knocking out four baby somchais.

  18. #18
    Have you got any cheese Thetyim's Avatar
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  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    You're preaching to the choir, homeboy. Slap knows the score.
    OK Bubba, but what about those weak moments you seem to have? Sundays in particular?

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thetyim View Post
    This you Thetyim? Sorry can't send a green. Excellent!

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thetyim View Post
    This is a normal sight, in the west. And these fat bitches will still moan and nag as if they are some sex goddess. Men in the west accept this as equality though. Sad innit!

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Pat
    This is a normal sight, in the west.
    West Brom? Na, no thanks, can't get there from here, uggg, ohmygod look at Slaps girlfriend, ouch my ass is sore, she's a looker, me and my dream machine....

  23. #23
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    You will have to get yourself a nice little tuktuk so your customers can be a little more comfortable you can trick it out with lights and shit and it can also hold more free beer!
    Win/Win right?

  24. #24
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ltnt
    ohmygod look at Slaps girlfriend,
    Uber babe, int she? It's like having a go on a fucking wave machine.


    Quote Originally Posted by beazalbob69
    You will have to get yourself a nice little tuktuk so your customers can be a little more comfortable you can trick it out with lights and shit and it can also hold more free beer!
    The tuk tuk will come as the enterprise slowly expands. I'll soon have a whole fleet of them doing the rounds.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by wasabi View Post
    FFS,nice one

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