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Old 15-03-2013, 05:11 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Lifestyles of the Poor and Unknown

Receiving your first paycheck after a prolonged spell of being perfectly penniless is a bit like being released from a stint in the slammer.

Where yesterday your options were limited to a view of the same uninspiring four walls, grazing on the same sapless slop and conjuring sexual gratification with the same right hand, has today been replaced with a future rich with optimistic potential.

Where the four uninspiring walls once stood, taking perverse thrill in their sadistic task, now stands an almighty opening in which to excitably bound about like a little puppy after a large nostril full of industrial strength Bolivian marching dust.

The sapless slop has been discarded and in its place a spread has been appointed which is so eloquent in its diversity that you find yourself foregoing contemporary dining table decorum in favour of greedily tearing into the feast like a lion ripping out the innards of a fucking wilder beast.

The severely calloused right hand which once affectionately went by 'Sandra' and displayed remarkable staying power whilst skillfully assisting the conduction of some 15 wanks per day, is now used to operate a 12 inch black rubber dildo with which to beat away playful Asian ladies fighting for first dibs on your knob.

So there we stood, mouths a-gape, as our employer dispensed bill after bill of hard currency into our hands which were sweating with a mixture of awe, excitement and a portion of fear bringing up the rear.

Look at it! It's real life fucking money! Quickly! We must spend it at once!

Mine went in twelve hedonistic hours on a charming little cocktail of drugs, alcohol and prostitutes, whilst my acquaintance opted for a toned down diet of drugs, alcohol and a freebie courtesy of a bedraggled masseuse who slept on the beach.

I was in a little pub the following evening cursing myself for being so incredibly fucking idiotic when a distressed lady of the evening beckoned me to come hither.

"Friend you! Friend you!" she said.

" Friend me? What the fuck are you talking about?" I replied.

"He's acting a little erratically" came what her response should have been, although when she said it, it was more like "hifithhhuugieuhgrghifancyafucklove?"

Of course he's fucking acting erratically.

Our current location was a sun-kissed tropical paradise and erratic people behaving erratically was somewhat a given. The ratio of civilized holiday-makers enjoying sophisticated evening strolls in the surf to obnoxious reprobates on a two week rampage during which they would 'smash the fuckin loife outta the local cahnt', favoured the latter quite alarmingly. It was like living on a fucking council estate with a beach next to it.

Nevertheless, the pleading in this young lady's eyes suggested that the problem lay well beyond the realms of a drunken punch up and a deeper, more profound evil had befallen the fellow.

Very well then, young harlot. I shall sit pillion on your motorcycle whilst you escort me to the scene but expect some concentrated frottering en route.

We arrived and I was guided to the location of my acquaintance.

There he stood. A solitary figure swaying from side to side down a very dark and dirty alley.

I fell to my knees and started slapping the pavement, positively weeping with laughter.

He'd managed to pass-out standing up, and the local populace feared the undead had come out to feed.

Splendid work, old chap, simply SPLENDID!
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Old 15-03-2013, 05:21 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Mods: Thread title needs a tweak.
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Old 15-03-2013, 05:58 PM   #3 (permalink)
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He'd managed to pass-out standing up, and the local populace feared the undead had come out to feed.

Splendid work, old chap, simply SPLENDID!
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Old 15-03-2013, 06:30 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I was resting my eyes.
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Old 15-03-2013, 06:45 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Mods: Thread title needs a tweak.
So does wildebeest
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Old 15-03-2013, 06:56 PM   #6 (permalink)
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The Fecking Life of a TELFER never ceases to amaze me....

My Life so ordinary
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Old 15-03-2013, 07:30 PM   #7 (permalink)
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The Fecking Life of a TELFER never ceases to amaze me....

My Life so ordinary
Who said TEFLers can have lives.
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Old 15-03-2013, 09:08 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Absolute CRAP, it's boring from the first line , let alone the rest of your DRIBBLE.
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Old 15-03-2013, 09:53 PM   #9 (permalink)
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^ Well don't read it then.
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Old 15-03-2013, 09:55 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Eliminator View Post
Absolute CRAP, it's boring from the first line , let alone the rest of your DRIBBLE.
What a grouchy cnut you continue to be.
Fuck off.
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Old 15-03-2013, 10:23 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eliminator
Absolute CRAP, it's boring from the first line , let alone the rest of your DRIBBLE.
Thanks for the insightful 'critique'. Now, as you were, masturbating in your own filth, vomit and spunk...


Quote:
Originally Posted by Thetyim
So does wildebeest
One out of a thousand or so isn't so bad.
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Old 15-03-2013, 10:54 PM   #12 (permalink)
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...slap's a wanker not a kunt...

Last edited by somtamslap : 16-03-2013 at 12:23 AM.
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Old 16-03-2013, 12:23 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I managed to fall asleep standing up, pissed as a fart, leaning against a wall and urinating at the same time.
Got woken up by the ALGERIAN police.
No passport or visa.
Algerian police cells are not 5 star.
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Old 19-03-2013, 07:32 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somtamslap
Receiving your first paycheck after a prolonged spell of being perfectly penniless is a bit like being released from a stint in the slammer. Where yesterday your options were limited to a view of the same uninspiring four walls, grazing on the same sapless slop and conjuring sexual gratification with the same right hand, has today been replaced with a future rich with optimistic potential. Where the four uninspiring walls once stood, taking perverse thrill in their sadistic task, now stands an almighty opening in which to excitably bound about like a little puppy after a large nostril full of industrial strength Bolivian marching dust. The sapless slop has been discarded and in its place a spread has been appointed which is so eloquent in its diversity that you find yourself foregoing contemporary dining table decorum in favour of greedily tearing into the feast like a lion ripping out the innards of a fucking wilder beast. The severely calloused right hand which once affectionately went by 'Sandra' and displayed remarkable staying power whilst skillfully assisting the conduction of some 15 wanks per day, is now used to operate a 12 inch black rubber dildo with which to beat away playful Asian ladies fighting for first dibs on your knob. So there we stood, mouths a-gape, as our employer dispensed bill after bill of hard currency into our hands which were sweating with a mixture of awe, excitement and a portion of fear bringing up the rear.

I guess you are "POOR AND UNKNOWN" and will remain so as long as you write DRIBBLE like this:

Where the four uninspiring walls once stood, taking perverse thrill in their sadistic task, now stands an almighty opening in which to excitably bound about like a little puppy after a large nostril full of industrial strength Bolivian marching dust. The sapless slop has been discarded and in its place a spread has been appointed which is so eloquent in its diversity that you find yourself foregoing contemporary dining table decorum in favour of greedily tearing into the feast like a lion ripping out the innards of a fucking wilder beast.
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Old 19-03-2013, 08:04 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I remember receiving my first paycheck after being an impoverished student for seven years

I went out to a bookshop and bought seven books, south American novels by Jorge Amado, G G Marquez, Carlos Fuentes et al

magic realism gone mad
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Old 19-03-2013, 08:07 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eliminator View Post
Absolute CRAP, it's boring from the first line , let alone the rest of your DRIBBLE.
Your posts .. Indeed .
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Old 19-03-2013, 08:15 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Can you do better Eliminator?

If not, fuck you and that Gay Bike you rode in on
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Old 19-03-2013, 08:18 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somtamslap
So there we stood, mouths a-gape, as our employer dispensed bill after bill of hard currency into our hands which were sweating with a mixture of awe, excitement and a portion of fear bringing up the rear. Look at it! It's real life fucking money! Quickly! We must spend it at once!
Very difficult not to go over the top after spending christmas/new year on Samuii chopping down the fucking jungle for a month before being paid, whilst every man jack and his dog were on the piss.

Good hard graft beat the shit out of the offer to sell shit to tourists, a much easier option that paid in a day what we toiled for in a month.

Blowing the hard earned so quickly was probably not a sensible thing to have done, but it did ensure that it was back up the mountain after a couple of days to repeat the cycle - bit like most jobs really - working for the man.
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Old 19-03-2013, 09:24 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eliminator
I guess you are "POOR AND UNKNOWN" and will remain so as long as you write DRIBBLE like this:
Fuck me, you're a messy kunt, aren't you.

How many times is it you've wanked yourself silly over this thread now?

Be gone, imbecile!

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Old 19-03-2013, 09:33 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by withnallstoke
Good hard graft beat the shit out of the offer to sell shit to tourists, a much easier option that paid in a day what we toiled for in a month.
Kunts like Constipator wouldn't be able to fathom that shit. He's too busy fellating the exhaust pipe of his horrendously homosexual motorcycle to worry about finances..
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Old 19-03-2013, 09:52 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Constipator's mrs: "Are you coming to bed, darling?"


Quote:
Originally Posted by somtamslap
Receiving your first paycheck after a prolonged spell of being perfectly penniless is a bit like being released from a stint in the slammer.

Where yesterday your options were limited to a view of the same uninspiring four walls, grazing on the same sapless slop and conjuring sexual gratification with the same right hand, has today been replaced with a future rich with optimistic potential.

Where the four uninspiring walls once stood, taking perverse thrill in their sadistic task, now stands an almighty opening in which to excitably bound about like a little puppy after a large nostril full of industrial strength Bolivian marching dust.

The sapless slop has been discarded and in its place a spread has been appointed which is so eloquent in its diversity that you find yourself foregoing contemporary dining table decorum in favour of greedily tearing into the feast like a lion ripping out the innards of a fucking wilder beast.

The severely calloused right hand which once affectionately went by 'Sandra' and displayed remarkable staying power whilst skillfully assisting the conduction of some 15 wanks per day, is now used to operate a 12 inch black rubber dildo with which to beat away playful Asian ladies fighting for first dibs on your knob.

So there we stood, mouths a-gape, as our employer dispensed bill after bill of hard currency into our hands which were sweating with a mixture of awe, excitement and a portion of fear bringing up the rear.

Look at it! It's real life fucking money! Quickly! We must spend it at once!

Mine went in twelve hedonistic hours on a charming little cocktail of drugs, alcohol and prostitutes, whilst my acquaintance opted for a toned down diet of drugs, alcohol and a freebie courtesy of a bedraggled masseuse who slept on the beach.

I was in a little pub the following evening cursing myself for being so incredibly fucking idiotic when a distressed lady of the evening beckoned me to come hither.

"Friend you! Friend you!" she said.

" Friend me? What the fuck are you talking about?" I replied.

"He's acting a little erratically" came what her response should have been, although when she said it, it was more like "hifithhhuugieuhgrghifancyafucklove?"

Of course he's fucking acting erratically.

Our current location was a sun-kissed tropical paradise and erratic people behaving erratically was somewhat a given. The ratio of civilized holiday-makers enjoying sophisticated evening strolls in the surf to obnoxious reprobates on a two week rampage during which they would 'smash the fuckin loife outta the local cahnt', favoured the latter quite alarmingly. It was like living on a fucking council estate with a beach next to it.

Nevertheless, the pleading in this young lady's eyes suggested that the problem lay well beyond the realms of a drunken punch up and a deeper, more profound evil had befallen the fellow.

Very well then, young harlot. I shall sit pillion on your motorcycle whilst you escort me to the scene but expect some concentrated frottering en route.

We arrived and I was guided to the location of my acquaintance.

There he stood. A solitary figure swaying from side to side down a very dark and dirty alley.

I fell to my knees and started slapping the pavement, positively weeping with laughter.

He'd managed to pass-out standing up, and the local populace feared the undead had come out to feed.

Splendid work, old chap, simply SPLENDID!
Constipator: "Give me five minutes, cupcake."
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Old 19-03-2013, 09:57 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somtamslap
Constipator: "Give me five minutes, cupcake."
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Old 20-03-2013, 12:15 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Continue your writings, Slap. I enjoy the read...
Chill-out La Feminator....
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