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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Lifestyles of the Poor and Unknown

    Receiving your first paycheck after a prolonged spell of being perfectly penniless is a bit like being released from a stint in the slammer.

    Where yesterday your options were limited to a view of the same uninspiring four walls, grazing on the same sapless slop and conjuring sexual gratification with the same right hand, has today been replaced with a future rich with optimistic potential.

    Where the four uninspiring walls once stood, taking perverse thrill in their sadistic task, now stands an almighty opening in which to excitably bound about like a little puppy after a large nostril full of industrial strength Bolivian marching dust.

    The sapless slop has been discarded and in its place a spread has been appointed which is so eloquent in its diversity that you find yourself foregoing contemporary dining table decorum in favour of greedily tearing into the feast like a lion ripping out the innards of a fucking wilder beast.

    The severely calloused right hand which once affectionately went by 'Sandra' and displayed remarkable staying power whilst skillfully assisting the conduction of some 15 wanks per day, is now used to operate a 12 inch black rubber dildo with which to beat away playful Asian ladies fighting for first dibs on your knob.

    So there we stood, mouths a-gape, as our employer dispensed bill after bill of hard currency into our hands which were sweating with a mixture of awe, excitement and a portion of fear bringing up the rear.

    Look at it! It's real life fucking money! Quickly! We must spend it at once!

    Mine went in twelve hedonistic hours on a charming little cocktail of drugs, alcohol and prostitutes, whilst my acquaintance opted for a toned down diet of drugs, alcohol and a freebie courtesy of a bedraggled masseuse who slept on the beach.

    I was in a little pub the following evening cursing myself for being so incredibly fucking idiotic when a distressed lady of the evening beckoned me to come hither.

    "Friend you! Friend you!" she said.

    " Friend me? What the fuck are you talking about?" I replied.

    "He's acting a little erratically" came what her response should have been, although when she said it, it was more like "hifithhhuugieuhgrghifancyafucklove?"

    Of course he's fucking acting erratically.

    Our current location was a sun-kissed tropical paradise and erratic people behaving erratically was somewhat a given. The ratio of civilized holiday-makers enjoying sophisticated evening strolls in the surf to obnoxious reprobates on a two week rampage during which they would 'smash the fuckin loife outta the local cahnt', favoured the latter quite alarmingly. It was like living on a fucking council estate with a beach next to it.

    Nevertheless, the pleading in this young lady's eyes suggested that the problem lay well beyond the realms of a drunken punch up and a deeper, more profound evil had befallen the fellow.

    Very well then, young harlot. I shall sit pillion on your motorcycle whilst you escort me to the scene but expect some concentrated frottering en route.

    We arrived and I was guided to the location of my acquaintance.

    There he stood. A solitary figure swaying from side to side down a very dark and dirty alley.

    I fell to my knees and started slapping the pavement, positively weeping with laughter.

    He'd managed to pass-out standing up, and the local populace feared the undead had come out to feed.

    Splendid work, old chap, simply SPLENDID!

  2. #2
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Mods: Thread title needs a tweak.

  3. #3
    Thailand Expat draco888's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    He'd managed to pass-out standing up, and the local populace feared the undead had come out to feed.

    Splendid work, old chap, simply SPLENDID!

  4. #4
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    I was resting my eyes.

  5. #5
    Have you got any cheese Thetyim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Mods: Thread title needs a tweak.
    So does wildebeest

  6. #6
    Thailand Expat mingmong's Avatar
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    The Fecking Life of a TELFER never ceases to amaze me....

    My Life so ordinary

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by mingmong View Post
    The Fecking Life of a TELFER never ceases to amaze me....

    My Life so ordinary
    Who said TEFLers can have lives.

  8. #8
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    Absolute CRAP, it's boring from the first line , let alone the rest of your DRIBBLE.

  9. #9
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    ^ Well don't read it then.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eliminator View Post
    Absolute CRAP, it's boring from the first line , let alone the rest of your DRIBBLE.
    What a grouchy cnut you continue to be.
    Fuck off.

  11. #11
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eliminator
    Absolute CRAP, it's boring from the first line , let alone the rest of your DRIBBLE.
    Thanks for the insightful 'critique'. Now, as you were, masturbating in your own filth, vomit and spunk...


    Quote Originally Posted by Thetyim
    So does wildebeest
    One out of a thousand or so isn't so bad.

  12. #12
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    ...slap's a wanker not a kunt...
    Last edited by somtamslap; 16-03-2013 at 12:23 AM.

  13. #13
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    I managed to fall asleep standing up, pissed as a fart, leaning against a wall and urinating at the same time.
    Got woken up by the ALGERIAN police.
    No passport or visa.
    Algerian police cells are not 5 star.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Receiving your first paycheck after a prolonged spell of being perfectly penniless is a bit like being released from a stint in the slammer. Where yesterday your options were limited to a view of the same uninspiring four walls, grazing on the same sapless slop and conjuring sexual gratification with the same right hand, has today been replaced with a future rich with optimistic potential. Where the four uninspiring walls once stood, taking perverse thrill in their sadistic task, now stands an almighty opening in which to excitably bound about like a little puppy after a large nostril full of industrial strength Bolivian marching dust. The sapless slop has been discarded and in its place a spread has been appointed which is so eloquent in its diversity that you find yourself foregoing contemporary dining table decorum in favour of greedily tearing into the feast like a lion ripping out the innards of a fucking wilder beast. The severely calloused right hand which once affectionately went by 'Sandra' and displayed remarkable staying power whilst skillfully assisting the conduction of some 15 wanks per day, is now used to operate a 12 inch black rubber dildo with which to beat away playful Asian ladies fighting for first dibs on your knob. So there we stood, mouths a-gape, as our employer dispensed bill after bill of hard currency into our hands which were sweating with a mixture of awe, excitement and a portion of fear bringing up the rear.

    I guess you are "POOR AND UNKNOWN" and will remain so as long as you write DRIBBLE like this:

    Where the four uninspiring walls once stood, taking perverse thrill in their sadistic task, now stands an almighty opening in which to excitably bound about like a little puppy after a large nostril full of industrial strength Bolivian marching dust. The sapless slop has been discarded and in its place a spread has been appointed which is so eloquent in its diversity that you find yourself foregoing contemporary dining table decorum in favour of greedily tearing into the feast like a lion ripping out the innards of a fucking wilder beast.
    Eliminator
    1986 Kawasaki 900

  15. #15
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    I remember receiving my first paycheck after being an impoverished student for seven years

    I went out to a bookshop and bought seven books, south American novels by Jorge Amado, G G Marquez, Carlos Fuentes et al

    magic realism gone mad

  16. #16
    Mid
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eliminator View Post
    Absolute CRAP, it's boring from the first line , let alone the rest of your DRIBBLE.
    Your posts .. Indeed .

  17. #17
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    Can you do better Eliminator?

    If not, fuck you and that Gay Bike you rode in on

  18. #18
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    So there we stood, mouths a-gape, as our employer dispensed bill after bill of hard currency into our hands which were sweating with a mixture of awe, excitement and a portion of fear bringing up the rear. Look at it! It's real life fucking money! Quickly! We must spend it at once!
    Very difficult not to go over the top after spending christmas/new year on Samuii chopping down the fucking jungle for a month before being paid, whilst every man jack and his dog were on the piss.

    Good hard graft beat the shit out of the offer to sell shit to tourists, a much easier option that paid in a day what we toiled for in a month.

    Blowing the hard earned so quickly was probably not a sensible thing to have done, but it did ensure that it was back up the mountain after a couple of days to repeat the cycle - bit like most jobs really - working for the man.

  19. #19
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eliminator
    I guess you are "POOR AND UNKNOWN" and will remain so as long as you write DRIBBLE like this:
    Fuck me, you're a messy kunt, aren't you.

    How many times is it you've wanked yourself silly over this thread now?

    Be gone, imbecile!


  20. #20
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    Good hard graft beat the shit out of the offer to sell shit to tourists, a much easier option that paid in a day what we toiled for in a month.
    Kunts like Constipator wouldn't be able to fathom that shit. He's too busy fellating the exhaust pipe of his horrendously homosexual motorcycle to worry about finances..

  21. #21
    splendid and tremendous
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    Constipator's mrs: "Are you coming to bed, darling?"


    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Receiving your first paycheck after a prolonged spell of being perfectly penniless is a bit like being released from a stint in the slammer.

    Where yesterday your options were limited to a view of the same uninspiring four walls, grazing on the same sapless slop and conjuring sexual gratification with the same right hand, has today been replaced with a future rich with optimistic potential.

    Where the four uninspiring walls once stood, taking perverse thrill in their sadistic task, now stands an almighty opening in which to excitably bound about like a little puppy after a large nostril full of industrial strength Bolivian marching dust.

    The sapless slop has been discarded and in its place a spread has been appointed which is so eloquent in its diversity that you find yourself foregoing contemporary dining table decorum in favour of greedily tearing into the feast like a lion ripping out the innards of a fucking wilder beast.

    The severely calloused right hand which once affectionately went by 'Sandra' and displayed remarkable staying power whilst skillfully assisting the conduction of some 15 wanks per day, is now used to operate a 12 inch black rubber dildo with which to beat away playful Asian ladies fighting for first dibs on your knob.

    So there we stood, mouths a-gape, as our employer dispensed bill after bill of hard currency into our hands which were sweating with a mixture of awe, excitement and a portion of fear bringing up the rear.

    Look at it! It's real life fucking money! Quickly! We must spend it at once!

    Mine went in twelve hedonistic hours on a charming little cocktail of drugs, alcohol and prostitutes, whilst my acquaintance opted for a toned down diet of drugs, alcohol and a freebie courtesy of a bedraggled masseuse who slept on the beach.

    I was in a little pub the following evening cursing myself for being so incredibly fucking idiotic when a distressed lady of the evening beckoned me to come hither.

    "Friend you! Friend you!" she said.

    " Friend me? What the fuck are you talking about?" I replied.

    "He's acting a little erratically" came what her response should have been, although when she said it, it was more like "hifithhhuugieuhgrghifancyafucklove?"

    Of course he's fucking acting erratically.

    Our current location was a sun-kissed tropical paradise and erratic people behaving erratically was somewhat a given. The ratio of civilized holiday-makers enjoying sophisticated evening strolls in the surf to obnoxious reprobates on a two week rampage during which they would 'smash the fuckin loife outta the local cahnt', favoured the latter quite alarmingly. It was like living on a fucking council estate with a beach next to it.

    Nevertheless, the pleading in this young lady's eyes suggested that the problem lay well beyond the realms of a drunken punch up and a deeper, more profound evil had befallen the fellow.

    Very well then, young harlot. I shall sit pillion on your motorcycle whilst you escort me to the scene but expect some concentrated frottering en route.

    We arrived and I was guided to the location of my acquaintance.

    There he stood. A solitary figure swaying from side to side down a very dark and dirty alley.

    I fell to my knees and started slapping the pavement, positively weeping with laughter.

    He'd managed to pass-out standing up, and the local populace feared the undead had come out to feed.

    Splendid work, old chap, simply SPLENDID!
    Constipator: "Give me five minutes, cupcake."

  22. #22
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Constipator: "Give me five minutes, cupcake."

  23. #23
    Newbie Keech's Avatar
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    Continue your writings, Slap. I enjoy the read...
    Chill-out La Feminator....

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