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  1. #1
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    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Pickled Por and the Pad Kra Pow Predicament

    Since he is now in my face every waking moment I spend at home, I have been following with interest the habits of a feral being whose psyche dwells on the very outskirts of out and out pandemonium.

    Por religiously rises at the ungodly hour of 5.30 am and wakes the whole village up with his unnecessarily boisterous sweeping technique - it's like he's trying to scratch a layer of the Earth's crust from the fucking garden.

    In a way I can see how a good morning sweep could be beneficial to a peasant of Por's particular persuasion - a soothing start to the day, easing the prior evening's quotient of alcohol from the pores (Por's pores) with almost hypnotic brush strokes. Not this fucker though. He sweeps like the last leaves are falling. Like he's a one-man gang of football hooligans intent on instigating violence in the backyard.

    Just after brushing my teeth this morning with a new flavoured toothpaste which goes by 'Jasmine Cherry Blossom' - don't buy it, it tastes like you've got a bunch of fucking tulips in your mouth - I came out of the bathroom to find Por helping himself to a large plate of of rice from the perpetually bubbling cooker, and subsequently a healthy serving of pad kra pow which he ladled onto the rice with unceremonious fucking great dollops.

    Pad kra pow for breakfast - these people make me weep!

    He then took the feast to his rocking chair in the garden before inexplicably embarking on an impromptu ramble, leaving the food unguarded.

    Big mistake. Textbook error in this house.

    Having seen him stumble off towards the jungle for whatever reason, a pair of hungry cats immediately began towards Por's pending repast and started greedily devouring it using solidified chunks of rice as footholds.

    Naturally I shooed them off, but was now faced with a dilemma.

    Would I a) tell Por about the cats which would involve reenacting the whole scene with animated sign language (Por is deaf), or b) simply not bother, because we all know the lesson would certainly not be learnt.

    I opted for the latter because Por is currently off-his-fucking-rocker.


  2. #2
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Por religiously rises at the ungodly hour of 5.30 am
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    easing the prior evening's quotient of alcohol from the pores
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    football hooligans intent on instigating violence
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    fucking
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    off-his-fucking-rocker.
    I like Por.

    One day, i will buy him a tipple and we will clink glasses together before being very very drunk.

  3. #3
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    I like Por.
    Try living with the fucker.

    I'm off soon. You're gonna have to haul ass and get on the piss with the man.

  4. #4
    Lord of Swine
    Necron99's Avatar
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    I like the guy, and have leaves, snakes and dogshit everywhere. I could use a man like Por.
    How much?

  5. #5
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Necron99
    I could use a man like Por. How much?
    A bidding war eh?

  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Necron99
    How much?
    Free. I'll even throw in postage and packaging.
    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    A bidding war eh?
    This is a first come first serve basis.

  7. #7
    Lord of Swine
    Necron99's Avatar
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    ^ uh, I think there has been some sort of terrible misunderstanding.
    This is embarrassing, but I meant how much will you pay me to take Him away.

  8. #8
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    There is at least some merit regarding this latest ditty...
    That loung-chair.
    Classic novel old-school practibilities.
    Well done!

    Two notes of critique:
    Need to glaze the wall. Gauche.
    One doesn't require to wash silk-goods [sarong] often.....[Khmer colours too]

  9. #9
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rural Surin
    One doesn't require to wash silk-goods [sarong]
    It isn't silk and it's Por's meaning it needs regular airings as far as possible from the house..

  10. #10
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    "Por's sacred seat and the holy stone.'
    My Por's got one just like that!

  11. #11
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by charleyboy
    My Por's got one just like that!
    they're all the rage in this part of town.

  12. #12
    Thailand Expat
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    Slaps, any comments from Por re: the quality of the Chiang Mai tipple he sampled recently?

  13. #13
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by palexxxx
    Slaps, any comments from Por re: the quality of the Chiang Mai tipple he sampled recently?
    All gone by the time I got back on Saturday night. I couldn't find the empties for a piccie. I think he ate them.

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat draco888's Avatar
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    ^slap, are you sure that is not in fact YOUR chair, I see a book placed beside it which makes me suspicious.

  15. #15
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by draco888
    I see a book placed beside it which makes me suspicious.
    When I first saw Por with reading material I was a little shocked. When saw he was reading the manual for a fucking washing machine, a huge empathetic wave washed over me nearly reducing me to tears for the man.

    I do feel sorry for Por I must admit.

    But he still annoys the fuck out of me.

  16. #16
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    the dogcatcher's Avatar
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    Sounds better than Laosy's father.
    I caught him one morning gutting a rat in the kitchen sink.
    FFS.

  17. #17
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by the dogcatcher
    I caught him one morning gutting a rat in the kitchen sink.
    You should sort of be thankful that he's retained the motor skills to do such things. Por is invariably useless at everything.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Rural Surin
    One doesn't require to wash silk-goods [sarong]
    It isn't silk and it's Por's meaning it needs regular airings as far as possible from the house..
    Cheap bastard.

  19. #19
    Thailand Expat Dillinger's Avatar
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    ^^ should be fun watching withnall clunk glasses with Por then, more so him him being deaf too

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by palexxxx
    Slaps, any comments from Por re: the quality of the Chiang Mai tipple he sampled recently?
    All gone by the time I got back on Saturday night. I couldn't find the empties for a piccie. I think he ate them.

    Pretty good effort, two bottles in a day. Although he did make a fairly early start on them.

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