Pickled Por and the Pad Kra Pow Predicament
Since he is now in my face every waking moment I spend at home, I have been following with interest the habits of a feral being whose psyche dwells on the very outskirts of out and out pandemonium.
Por religiously rises at the ungodly hour of 5.30 am and wakes the whole village up with his unnecessarily boisterous sweeping technique - it's like he's trying to scratch a layer of the Earth's crust from the fucking garden.
In a way I can see how a good morning sweep could be beneficial to a peasant of Por's particular persuasion - a soothing start to the day, easing the prior evening's quotient of alcohol from the pores (Por's pores) with almost hypnotic brush strokes. Not this fucker though. He sweeps like the last leaves are falling. Like he's a one-man gang of football hooligans intent on instigating violence in the backyard.
Just after brushing my teeth this morning with a new flavoured toothpaste which goes by 'Jasmine Cherry Blossom' - don't buy it, it tastes like you've got a bunch of fucking tulips in your mouth - I came out of the bathroom to find Por helping himself to a large plate of of rice from the perpetually bubbling cooker, and subsequently a healthy serving of pad kra pow which he ladled onto the rice with unceremonious fucking great dollops.
Pad kra pow for breakfast - these people make me weep!
He then took the feast to his rocking chair in the garden before inexplicably embarking on an impromptu ramble, leaving the food unguarded.
Big mistake. Textbook error in this house.
Having seen him stumble off towards the jungle for whatever reason, a pair of hungry cats immediately began towards Por's pending repast and started greedily devouring it using solidified chunks of rice as footholds.
Naturally I shooed them off, but was now faced with a dilemma.
Would I a) tell Por about the cats which would involve reenacting the whole scene with animated sign language (Por is deaf), or b) simply not bother, because we all know the lesson would certainly not be learnt.
I opted for the latter because Por is currently off-his-fucking-rocker.
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