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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Hurricane Slap and the Power Cut

    I got home the other night to a house pitched in darkness. Everyone must be out I thought with an ever increasing grin which had 'session of bloodthirsty masturbation pending' written all over it.

    I stepped onto the balcony and just about suffered a coronary when I saw Por's gaunt figure move in the shadows.

    "Mai mee fai" (no electric) he groaned

    "Where's it fucking gone then?" I asked not expecting a reply because Por can only be conversed with when you get right up in his good ear and shout as loud as you fucking can.

    Great! Not only was the house occupied, meaning wanking like a lunatic was now out of the question, but we also had no electric so I could say toodle-pip to anything else I previously had on the night's agenda.

    Having just left the local shop I immediately went back and relieved it of a gross amount of beer before phoning my wife and inquiring into where the fucking hell she was. It transpired she was at the hospital as my youngest had fallen down a set of steps and was now having her forehead stitched up.

    The more pressing issue of the lack of electricity soon began to monopolise the conversation. The fact that ours was the only house not to have any was somewhat worrying and I was determined to get to the bottom of this right away.

    "Oh the builders next door may have disturbed the cable as they cut down a tree near it today"

    *Hurricane slap mode activated*

    I took a final shot of Ya Dong, boarded my motorcycle, raced towards where the builders kept their tools and pissed all over them whilst screaming at the moon.

    "Come back here and fix my cable, you CUNTS"

    Which they did after a few phone calls from my neighbours who were obviously scared of getting urinated on.

  2. #2
    Thailand Expat
    boloa's Avatar
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    It amazes me how the locals do fook all when there is a power-cut,they could sit there for days waiting for it to come back on ,phoning the Local Electric Office to report a fault is way past most Locals comprehension.
    Good job they have me

  3. #3
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Got badly electrocuted here a few years ago and don't trust any of it. Was lucky not to cark it..

  4. #4
    Lord of Swine
    Necron99's Avatar
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    ^ how we're you going to do the nasty with no porn?

  5. #5
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    Good stuff.

    Did you resort to the wank bank ?

  6. #6
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by Necron99
    how we're you going to do the nasty with no porn?
    I think we have hit upon the reason behind Slaps enquiry into electronic reading devices that do not need running off the mains.
    Kindle for porn indeed!!

  7. #7
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Got badly electrocuted here a few years ago and don't trust any of it. Was lucky not to cark it..
    I was in the pond fixing the pump for the waterfall and told the wife "DO NOT TO SWITCH THE ELECTRIC ON "

    All she heard was 'Electric on' !!!!!!!

    It can very close to a.........

  8. #8
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    Did you resort to the wank bank ?
    I was too drunk to wank after the all that, which was a shame..

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Necron99 View Post
    ^ how we're you going to do the nasty with no porn?
    I'm not sure Slap will respond to a question where there is a breach of the apostrophe rule.

  10. #10
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Slap, being generally grammatically spastiscated, tends to care otherwise..

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Necron99
    how we're you going to do the nasty with no porn?
    I think we have hit upon the reason behind Slaps enquiry into electronic reading devices that do not need running off the mains.
    Kindle for porn indeed!!
    I have a copy of Sex by Madonna on mine...

  12. #12
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Oh, how I miss the sticks.

    England is *nice* and all that but it's so fucking boring.

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