Sexual Encounters of The Local Shop Kind

[somtamslap]

Being wooed by a sexually deviant peasant with a drinking problem is quite possibly one of the most revolting experiences that a cultured gentleman such as myself could ever have the misfortune to be exposed to.

I'm of course not talking about the lecherous parasites whom can so oft be spotted swinging round poles, flap's a flutter, in the touristic red light areas; despite their abundant character flaws their chosen vocation, that of taking it hard up the backside, has in fact inadvertently equip them with a cursory set of skills which allows them to almost function like real-life human people.

Moving away from the likes of Pattaya and Phuket and we find ourselves in the presence of females who are yet to grasp the basics of what's socially acceptable and what's downright fucking disgraceful behaviour.

Take last night for example.

I approached the local shop and was most heartened to find it empty save the presence of a twenty-something female farmhand who surely wouldn't hinder my passage to an hour or so's hardcore reading.

How wrong I was.

I made towards the crisp section with a view to liberate a packet of Lays Originals only to find my path was blocked courtesy of a gyrating backside to my groin. I'm certainly not adverse to the affections of females but tend to draw the line at alcoholic labourers who haven't bathed in the last 4 months, not to mention the fact she was in possession of a husband with psychotic tendencies. So with this I politely told her to kindly get the fuck out of my face.

A bit like her, this didn't wash.

She took a seat beside me and began feeding me my snack. I reluctantly took them from her which obviously signalled as a green light for the obligatory back rub to commence.

The back rub stealthily transformed into a sustained sexual assault during which I had to beckon the shopkeeper over to rid me of the foul entity who was now currently straddling me on the exterior seating arrangement.

Before he could rescue me, the young farmer dismounted and with the air of a female who had to visit the restroom to powder her nose, exclaimed: I'm just gonna go for piss - which she did, right fucking there at the front of the shop, and promptly came back to resume feeding me my Lays Originals - which I of course refused through a mouthful of puke.

For my next trick I will attempt to find a member of the local populace who doesn't violently ingest mucus at every available opportunity..

[Dillinger]

Sphincter still a bit tender is it ?

The more of these germs you take in, the more hardened your immune system will get

[somtamslap]

Originally Posted by Dillinger

Sphincter still a bit tender is it ?

It wouldn't surprise me if she had 'sodomy with broom handle' in her sexual repertoire.

[withnallstoke]

Slapper.

Photos.

[somtamslap]

Originally Posted by withnallstoke

Slapper.

Photos.

It's hard to snap away whilst you're being raped by a psychotic midget.

[DrAndy]

wimp!

any standard war photographer could have got snaps

[somtamslap]

Originally Posted by DrAndy

any standard war photographer could have got snaps

Before I go back to England I shall be throwing a party at the shop. There will be pics gallore for that as they won't be able to 'get me' when I post them..

[DrAndy]

you could fit a headcam, or a cockcam

[boloa]

Originally Posted by DrAndy

you could fit a headcam, or a cockcam

Maybe a Book Cam would be more apt

[somtamslap]

Originally Posted by boloa

Maybe a Book Cam would be more apt

Ideal for capturing the action. I'll have my butler send out for one..

[boloa]

Originally Posted by somtamslap

exclaimed: I'm just gonna go for piss - which she did, right fucking there at the front of the shop

Some people will pay good money for that type of show

[Loy Toy]

You post descriptions always paint a mental picture.

When you run with dogs you catch flees is the mental picture you have embedded in my mind today mate.

I wonder and upon your return to Blighty, if you will find a place of rest and relaxation where you will find more dogs.

[withnallstoke]

Originally Posted by Loy Toy

I wonder and upon your return to Blighty, if you will find a place of rest and relaxation where you will find more dogs.

Battersea.

[somtamslap]

Originally Posted by Loy Toy

When you run with dogs you catch flees is the mental picture you have embedded in my mind today mate.

Not just that but the hot weather has started to wake some of the unsavoury shop smells. Fucking disgusting. I'm looking forward to an English pub with a carpet and people who don't communicate like wild animals.

[poorfalang]

i'd bend her over the counter and smash her anus with a bucket,
then give the husband my already opened, and paid for, packet of lays original( which i must say are delicious without the urine flavor ).

[somtamslap]

Originally Posted by poorfalang

lays original( which i must say are delicious

Only crisp worth eating on these shores, apart from the things that look like hula hoops..

[Loy Toy]

Originally Posted by poorfalang

i'd bend her over the counter and smash her anus with a bucket,

Cheeky sod.

Buckets are a valued commodity.

[DrAndy]

Originally Posted by somtamslap

an English pub with a carpet

what, those stained red ones with swirly patterns?

[Bangyai]

Originally Posted by somtamslap

.....promptly came back to resume feeding me my Lays Originals - which I of course refused ..

Hmmm....why don't I believe you Slap. I can just picture you now ......

[hazz]

Slap, I believe Ive found a photo of your local shop keeper with your angle of mercy



All I can say is that I can see why you wern't so keen. not much of a looker, could be a bloke

[somtamslap]

Originally Posted by Bangyai

Hmmm....why don't I believe you Slap.

I was half tempted you know but people get shot in the face round here for fucking other people's bitches..

Originally Posted by hazz

All I can say is that I can see why you wern't so keen. not much of a looker, could be a bloke

There are similarities there..

[draco888]

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Not just that but the hot weather has started to wake some of the unsavoury shop smells. Fucking disgusting. I'm looking forward to an English pub with a carpet and people who don't communicate like wild animals.

You are taking the wife and kids back to UK on a permanent basis?
Can we expect posts on the isaan tribes adjustment to life in the 'civilized' world?

[somtamslap]

Originally Posted by draco888

You are taking the wife and kids back to UK on a permanent basis?

Going back alone initially to test the water.

I will continue posting of course..

[patsycat]

Shit, and there I was about to get my hair done.....

[somtamslap]

Originally Posted by patsycat

Shit, and there I was about to get my hair done.....

...keep those curlers in Pats.....