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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Southern Thai Fare and Slap

    I'm rather partial to southern Thai cuisine, in particularly the curries.

    The aromatic blend of a thousand and one different herbs and spices encased in a rich and creamy coconut milk based soup has one's senses performing enthusiastic cart-wheels towards the source of the fragrant bouquet.

    The colouration of the dish alone deems it unrivalled in terms of vibrancy, and once supplemented with the protein of your choice (chicken, fish, shrimp et al) it quickly becomes an integral part of any southeast Asian culinary spread.

    So when such a plate of fare was placed before me last week, I left my table manners at the door and found myself in the midst of a feral feeding frenzy. Hurricane Slap currently graced the roadside restaurant and only subsided for brief periods during which obnoxious belches of appreciation would be parted with, much to the horror of my disgusted dining companions.

    Upon the cessation of the repast, I cocked a deft buttock, released an abhorrent amount of rectal gas, paid the crook at the counter, bundled aboard my bike, hit the local shop, got tipsy on award winners, and fucked off home to sleep.

    It was during this slumber that I began having the most bizarre dreams.

    I was caught in a whitewater river of yellow curry, struggling for breath as the torrent kept submerging me again and again. Having managed to weather the rapids, I then found myself in purgatory, and emitting a seemingly never ending burp. Once the burp had finally stopped, my dream shifted focus and this time began to pay attention to my backside which was now convulsing with boisterous twitches.

    Jolting to in a cold sweat I began sprinting to the toilet.

    Too late.

    I simultaneously projectile puked and shit myself on the home straight.

    The rest of the day was spent in bed, swearing at random inanimate objects, and swearing revenge on the fucker who hadn't bothered washing their hands before preparing my food.

    Savages!

    The very sight of this makes me want to use the lavatory.


  2. #2
    Lord of Swine
    Necron99's Avatar
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    There is a southern style fried rice I quite like, can't recall the name of it. Has fresh chopped cabbage and carrot and stuff in it, like rice mixed with dry coleslaw.
    Doesn't make me shit myself or paint the walls with puke though.

  3. #3
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    The Fresh Prince's Avatar
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    When I want a taste of home I have a Beef Masaman on Chips. Also i've started adding potatoes to my Penang curry.

  4. #4
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    I hope you made Por clean up the mess, his trusty broom could have worked wonders.

  5. #5
    Fuck it
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    I simultaneously projectile puked and shit myself on the home straight.

    Always a pleasant way to start the day

  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Necron99
    There is a southern style fried rice I quite like, can't recall the name of it. Has fresh chopped cabbage and carrot and stuff in it, like rice mixed with dry coleslaw.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Fresh Prince
    When I want a taste of home I have a Beef Masaman on Chips
    Found this lovely little eatery in rural Surathani.

    I like the way the cook prepared the food on the floor. Those little nuances really do make you realize you live in a massive fucking shithole..



    Beautifully presented salad items..



    Mock as I might, this was delicious..


  7. #7
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ozcol
    I hope you made Por clean up the mess, his trusty broom could have worked wonders.
    The horrible bastard slept right through it. And I wasn't trying to be quiet.


    Quote Originally Posted by Satonic
    Always a pleasant way to start the day
    Worse mate, middle of the night.

    Totally sapped of strength for 24 hours..

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post

    mmm... you're making me hungry, I'm off to get some.

  9. #9
    splendid and tremendous
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    ^ That was a while ago. It's 'gaeng' of some description. Tres, tres pet..

  10. #10
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    Before or after??

  11. #11
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    Before or after??
    It's entirely up to you..

  12. #12
    Thailand Expat Dillinger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Savages!

    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    I left my table manners at the door and found myself in the midst of a feral feeding frenzy. Hurricane Slap currently graced the roadside restaurant and only subsided for brief periods during which obnoxious belches of appreciation would be parted with, much to the horror of my disgusted dining companions.
    Revenge is a dish best served.......... with buffalo shit



    Sum Nam na I say

  13. #13
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    Sum Nam na I say
    There's no excuse for what they did though, which was to essentially defecate on my diner...

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat Dillinger's Avatar
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    That pic in the op looks a lot like charleyboys oxtail soup. He removes the anus though

  15. #15
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    Shuda gorn Hell's Kitchen on their rice gobbling asses.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    Sum Nam na I say
    There's no excuse for what they did though, which was to essentially defecate on my diner...
    You no understand.
    Farang.

  17. #17
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    How many more times need we read about your "bowel" movements? The (massive?) intake of alcohol had probably nothing to do with it...

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wizard of Oz View Post
    How many more times need we read about your "bowel" movements? The (massive?) intake of alcohol had probably nothing to do with it...
    It sells to the popular masses?

  19. #19
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    Had some great red and green curries when I stayed at a small resort on Koh Pha Ngan. Never had the sort of problems as poor old Somtam. I'll refrain for mocking his luck, as I'll only put a curse on myself. .

  20. #20
    I am in Jail Camel Toe's Avatar
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    I like the way the cook prepared the food on the floor. Those little nuances really do make you realize you live in a massive fucking shithole..
    You haven't been to South Korea. They chop vegies on the curbstone. China is no doubt worse.

  21. #21
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wizard of Oz
    How many more times need we read about your "bowel" movements?
    Until I feel that you are ready...

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rural Surin View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Wizard of Oz View Post
    How many more times need we read about your "bowel" movements? The (massive?) intake of alcohol had probably nothing to do with it...
    It sells to the popular masses?

    Poop Fiction..

  23. #23
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    I've never had a 'serious' case of the squits in Thailand- touch wood.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Camel Toe View Post
    I like the way the cook prepared the food on the floor. Those little nuances really do make you realize you live in a massive fucking shithole..
    You haven't been to South Korea. They chop vegies on the curbstone. China is no doubt worse.
    Yes. No doubt.

  25. #25
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by sabang
    I've never had a 'serious' case of the squits in Thailand- touch wood.
    Third serious case for me.

    First one - mussels at 2am

    Second - tap water on a hangover

    Third - The dreaded southern curry

    The second case was by far the worst. A non-stop 48 hour barrage..

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