Storming Slap and the Wandering Bastard Vagrant

[somtamslap]

I only managed two pages of my book last night due to this fucking prick.

He arrived on a small child's push bike and without further ado launched into 'incredibly fucking annoying peasant' mode.

For one, his pink 'Hello Kitty' bicycle had irked the canine contingent and their barks, each a well aimed shot at my nerves, were incessant and unrelenting as our new friend stood swaying in a drunken stupor at the front of the shop.

After some two minutes of this, I felt sufficiently moved to engage the pedal pushing loafer in a brief exchange of ideas:

"ARE YOU FUCKING COMING OR GOING?"

Unfortunately, after much deliberation had apparently taken place, he decided on the former and stumbled towards the seating arrangement.

I didn't need this. After successfully ousting the teenage scum from the establishment with a campaign which featured a sustained volley of some of the best flatulence I've ever parted with, I now had the company of a fucking tramp whose sarong exhaled gargantuan breaths of stale piss.

Despite the dogs' barking and the malodorous odour of his ensemble, the worst was yet to come.

He was one of these individuals whose brain had been preserved by a thousand litres of lau khao, and was able to retain two words of English. The entirety of his vocabulary stretched to 'very' and 'good' and they quickly became the most used words in the history of linguistics.

"VERY GOOD!" he said a thousand fucking times.

Try as I might, I just couldn't focus on my book. Every word I read spelled either 'very' or 'good'. It didn't exactly make for a compelling read.

As he embarked upon his seventh thousand set of 'very goods', I began to feel myself becoming slightly violent.

"What does 'very good' mean? I asked him, with a look that probably suggested that I wanted to smite him down with fire.

"Very good" he replied excitably.

I questioned him again, this time with more aggression and in his own language.

Again, "Very good" came the retort.

Right, best get out of here before I put a bottle of Chang through this fellow's face or end up in the nut house.

And with this, I hopped on my pedal powered recreational vehicle and bid the stupid fucker farewell..

[withnallstoke]

Very good.

[Jesus Jones]

very good

[somtamslap]

Yes, the shopkeeper's quite the photographer..

[beerlaodrinker]

very very good

[Satonic]

Velly Goos.

Would you be the only farang to visit this 'bar' Slap?

[somtamslap]

Would you be the only farang to visit this 'bar' Slap?

The only farang they've ever seen I think.

There's a German who lives in the next village. He's rich though and goes to proper pubs instead - the ponce.

[Satonic]

Would you be the only farang to visit this 'bar' Slap?

The only farang they've ever seen I think.

That was what I was worrying about

[somtamslap]

That was what I was worrying about

It's OK. I asserted my authority on the place many moons ago.

The other night I amazed the regulars with the concept of time zones. They fucking loved it..

[boloa]

He's rich though and goes to proper pubs instead - the ponce.

I assume you mean Western Run Local Bars that charge you an extra 30+baht for the same beer.

Bet the German reads his book in peace though...."you pays yer money and takes yer choice "

[baldrick]

his pink 'Hello Kitty' bicycle

I hopped on my pedal powered recreational vehicle

did they mate ? I fear photos may be required , else withnall may be unable to climax

[somtamslap]

Bet the German reads his book in peace though

He's never struck me as the reading type, especially after he spurned my Mein Kampf offer whilst I goose stepped into his garden.

did they mate ?

It may not have been a Hello Kitty production but it was definitely pink.

[Finney64]

Love the classic drunk hand in the air after falling over - "I'm alright, I'm alright"

[somtamslap]

"I'm alright, I'm alright"

"Nothing to see here. Move on..."

[beerlaodrinker]

Love the classic drunk hand in the air after falling over - "I'm alright, I'm alright"

that how you do it finney?

[ribblerat]

Where the fuck ! did you find this photo of me on my way home from work in a Dutch bulb factory in 1992 ?
This of course prior to a visit to the local pub to quaff a large Veux or so with a Dutch award winner or so as a chaser , I think it was the couple of bongs that did it though !!

[Rural Surin]

Yes, the shopkeeper's quite the photographer..

Captured the quality of good Thai gumboots, as well.

[draco888]

Slap, you have moved down to pedal power from your previous mechanised transport? is this a drive to go green? flatulence powered now?

[Finney64]

that how you do it finney?

Only outside Samlor at 3am

[Finney64]

Where the fuck ! did you find this photo of me on my way home from work in a Dutch bulb factory in 1992 ? This of course prior to a visit to the local pub to quaff a large Veux or so with a Dutch award winner or so as a chaser , I think it was the couple of bongs that did it though !!

Weren't working at Langevelds by any chance were you? If so I thought I recognised the face.

[poorfalang]

very good i liked it,
green on the way

[DJ Pat]

That character '8 Ace' from the Viz magazine comes to mind, or that song 'Old red eyes is back' by The Beautiful South.

[ribblerat]

Finney64 .. I did work at Langervelts for a season or so , but i was primary Bakker's fooder Stassens and Bakker Katwijk ... For more years than i care to remember , or can remember for that matter :-)

[Finney64]

^ the good old days eh, work 7 months a year then get 80% of your salary for the other 5 while "resting" - usually in SE Asia & getting your mate to sign on for you once a month back in Holland

[Bogon]

The other night I amazed the regulars with the concept of time zones. They fucking loved it..

I love this Yahoo! answers lark.

I typed in a certain question and got this answer back from the community...

First Doctor, played by William Hartnell (1963–1966)
Second Doctor, played by Patrick Troughton (1966–1969)
Third Doctor, played by Jon Pertwee (1970–1974)
Fourth Doctor, played by Tom Baker (1974–1981)
Fifth Doctor, played by Peter Davison (1981–1984)
Sixth Doctor, played by Colin Baker (1984–1986)
Seventh Doctor, played by Sylvester McCoy (1987–1989)
Eighth Doctor, played by Paul McGann (1996)
Ninth Doctor, played by Christopher Eccleston (2005)
Tenth Doctor, played by David Tennant (2005–2013)
Eleventh Doctor, played by Somtamslap (2013-Present)