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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Mogadishu, Beirut, South Central L.A, Isaan etc

    This place makes the more impoverished of Dagenham's council estates look like a civilized supper in the Penrith village tearooms, the Edinburgh schemes a spring afternoon sculling a tranquil tack on lake Windermere, and a certain corner on Lafayette and Monroe an affable game of croquet on great auntie Sheila's award winning lawn.

    Isaan tills a furrow way below the conventional working sector, and it does so with minimal effort and zero scruples. These people, I have come to deduce, simply do.not.give.a.FUCK, and they couldn't be prouder of their social status.

    A gentleman who I consider to be one of the less feral members of my immediate locale was present when I journied to the local boozer Saturday last. But foregoing his usual genial greeting, he ignored my entrance and continued to pour vast amounts of highly concentrated intoxicants down his gullet with great vengeance and furious anger.
    His mission, which he had clearly accepted, was to getting absolutely fucking shit-faced.
    Such assignments aren't without their adverse affects and upon finishing the contents of his bottle he began to hold an aggressive heart to heart with the empty shot glass which now stood barren before him.

    "You're a fucking kunt!" he essentially roared at the innocent receptacle.

    Now I wasn't sure if the glass was a kunt because it had slowly eroded his soul or because it was empty, but either way, the facts remained the same; this particular vessel was, at present, the focal point of a lunatic's wrath of retribution. He clearly wanted it dead.

    Before he could launch into a final cacophony of expletives and end the existence of the glass by repeatedly ramming it against his forehead, his worried wife and mother arrived at the shop and attempted to usher him home. They obviously couldn't move him. He was now immersed like a fucking scuba diver in a bottle of beer Archa, and had no inclination whatsoever to go home and 'gin khao'. But credit where credit's due, his mother was a feisty little fucker and insisted he followed them back home, this instance.

    He subsequently got up and fell over. This man was unable to walk.

    Expectant eyes breached my private space where I sat pretending to be invisible, obviously doing a shit job at it, and I eventually resigned myself to the fact that this gentleman's form of transportation back to his dwellings would come courtesy of my shoulder.

    Up he went and off we plodded. Fortunately his home was only 100 or so metres from the shop and some 30 seconds later we entered the house.

    I slung him down on a mattress which was parked by the front door and took in my surroundings:

    The house turned out to be a glorified shed which was apparently deemed fit to accommodate 10 or so people.

    To my left, a gentleman who literally appeared to be rotting, sat rocking on the floor in state of profound psychosis.

    Next to him, an elderly couple who each in turn bared their decayed teeth at me, a gesture I wasn't able to translate - did they want to eat me, or were they simply saying hello.

    In the middle of the room, a new born baby crying for nobody in particular and being comforted by the same person.

    On the far right, a trio of teenagers smoking, drinking, playing cards.

    I looked at my acquaintance who was already submerged in a deep, drunken slumber, dribble sourcing from the corner of his mouth and trickling into a slowly expanding pool on the bed sheet, and just about wept.

  2. #2
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    Strongarm's Avatar
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    Pictures Slap, my good man, fucking pictures!

  3. #3
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    Someone,anyone, throw that man slap a life jacket before he sinks!

  4. #4
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strongarm
    Pictures Slap, my good man, fucking pictures!
    Slap dares not take new technology to such establishments for fear of being considered an evil wizard and consequently placed in a ducking stool.
    Quote Originally Posted by crocman
    Someone,anyone, throw that man slap a life jacket before he sinks!

  5. #5
    Lord of Swine
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    Careful there Slaps. Don't go all Gravy on us.
    You need to get yourself a pair of these badboys pronto.
    Some of this probably needs to be preserved for posterity and I'm pretty sure the last anthropologists who went to deepest darkest got eaten, or fed to tigers.


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  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    ^ Cool! They're only 2500 baht. I might get a pair.

  7. #7
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    I think his words paint a picture so vivid i can just see everything has he does , and its so tragic i think the people in the Uk dont know how well off thay are.

  8. #8
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    Yes my part of issarn has not moved forward in the last century And never will in the next !!!

  9. #9
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nevets
    people in the Uk dont know how well off thay are.
    Quote Originally Posted by corned dog
    Yes my part of issarn has not moved forward in the last century
    We really do live in a third world country, don't we. Time to amend my current status of Isaanic Expat, me thinks..

  10. #10
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    Need to venture in a southerly direction, where you'll find a warmer recption to civilised ways.

  11. #11
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rural Surin
    Need to venture in a southerly direction
    I feel I should venture west. About 7000 miles west to be more precise.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Rural Surin
    Need to venture in a southerly direction
    I feel I should venture west. About 7000 miles west to be more precise.
    I guess old Dave might have room for one more in the moving van.

    Stand-fast, sailor. It's not that bad.
    Just an over active imagination blown out of control.

  13. #13
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    I've done my years, and I've done them like a man, dammit!

  14. #14
    Lord of Swine
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    You won't be going home to a tickertape parade. Get spat on outside the airport more like.


  15. #15
    splendid and tremendous
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    ^ What a tune! Respect!

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Next to him, an elderly couple who each in turn bared their decayed teeth at me, a gesture I wasn't able to translate - did they want to eat me, or were they simply saying hello.
    I laughed mightily What a gem.

    No wonder the fella wanted to get totally blitzed.

  17. #17
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neo
    No wonder the fella wanted to get totally blitzed.
    He definitely has the best excuse in the world, poor bastard.

  18. #18
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    How could i visit such places?

    Are there excursion tours with qualified tour guides available at some Bangkok travel agent perhaps?

  19. #19
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShrewedPunter
    Are there excursion tours with qualified tour guides available at some Bangkok travel agent perhaps?
    www.infiltratingthepeasantswithslap.com

    A cheap and efficient means of exploring the REAL Thailand.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Necron99 View Post
    Careful there Slaps. Don't go all Gravy on us.
    You need to get yourself a pair of these badboys pronto.
    Some of this probably needs to be preserved for posterity and I'm pretty sure the last anthropologists who went to deepest darkest got eaten, or fed to tigers.


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    video would only be depressing

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ShrewedPunter
    Are there excursion tours with qualified tour guides available at some Bangkok travel agent perhaps?
    www.infiltratingthepeasantswithslap.com

    A cheap and efficient means of exploring the REAL Thailand.
    Jeesss...

    Anything for a quid of two.
    Have you no shame?

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