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somtamslap · 28-01-2013, 12:55 PM

I had the house to myself a few days ago. Such solitude is quite a rarity in my dwellings so I immediately concluded that a particularly unsavoury assortment of pornographic material should be downloaded in order to assist me with a colossal wank.

But since my internet provider doesn't really provide anything at all, I had to make do with a selection of images featuring sparsely clad Japanese females and a sack of obscene root vegetables; an ensemble which would surely see me part with the lion's share of a litre of semenary fluid - after all, fornicating has become few and far between in my residence and my testicles currently resembled a pair of fucking ostrich eggs.

Just as I was preparing for an unprecedented splashdown, I heard my front door open with an eerie creak, followed by slow but exacting strides which were apparently heading towards the carnal contents of my boudoir.

As the precise footsteps became more audible, they were joined by rasping breaths which immediately shrunk my nuts down to their regular size as I fumbled into my underpants and trousers.

The doorknob began to frantically twitch. Someone was trying to get in.

Although the door was locked, the persistence of the intruder was such that he/she/it wasn't going to be bested by a mere furniture fitting, and the frantic twitching turned into aggressive thumps.

After a prolonged period of banging, during which my knackers imploded, the hasp eventually yielded and an entity of quite repulsive proportions revealed itself at the threshold of my bedroom.

"Please" I stuttered "please don't hit me"

This failed to elicit a response. The hideous quantity simply stood swaying on the spot. Its eyes, which were barely visible slits you'd more commonly associate with a pit viper, were trained on me as if weighing up a pending feast.

"Please" I said again. "I have a wife and children"

Again this appeared to fall on deaf ears. But it was now beginning to approach me, unclad claws dragging along the floor like a particularly offensive member of the undead, absolute purpose etched into its hideous features.

"Please" this time I was begging, "I have a heart condition. If you hit me, it's murder"

Apparently, this didn't wash with the gruesome, fowl being who was now literally inches away from my recently deceased pair of bollocks.

Before I could jump out of the window and run away screaming, it emitted a sound which will haunt me forever. A rattling rasp which immediately filled the room as if a tangible quantity...

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-SIP BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHT"

"Yes! Anything! Take it all! The power of Christ compels you! I demand you leave my presence" I was now talking in tongues.

And with this Por skipped on over to the local shop with a view to purchase 20 baht's worth of his favourite tipple.

POR, You terrible kunt!

ataloss · 28-01-2013, 05:47 PM

Can't get enough of your amusing yarns Somtam. You are rapidly becoming an Isaan treasure. Thanks for the smiles.

Rural Surin · 28-01-2013, 06:17 PM

Does Por partake in porn as well....??
Or is he into other things?

nevets · 28-01-2013, 07:43 PM

Great once again.

somtamslap · 29-01-2013, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rural Surin

Does Por partake in porn as well....??
Or is he into other things?

His broom doesn't only sweep you know. It doubles as an instrument of extreme sadomasochism.

charleyboy · 29-01-2013, 01:15 PM

Here you go Slap...A bit of porn for Por.

Rural Surin · 29-01-2013, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rural Surin

Does Por partake in porn as well....??
Or is he into other things?

His broom doesn't only sweep you know. It doubles as an instrument of extreme sadomasochism.

And who said that old country bumpkins were straight-laced?

swampfox1001 · 09-02-2013, 08:27 AM

A bit slow this morning, who or what was the intruder again?

Satonic · 09-02-2013, 08:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swampfox1001

A bit slow this morning, who or what was the intruder again?

Thanks for the bump, I missed this one.

You do make me chuckle slap! Nice one

withnallstoke · 09-02-2013, 08:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swampfox1001

who or what was the intruder again?

Por by name, drunk by nature.

Albert Shagnastier · 09-02-2013, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by withnallstoke

Por by name, drunk by nature.

or Drunk by name and poor by nature

withnallstoke · 09-02-2013, 09:09 AM

Por by name, pour by nature.

Ozcol · 09-02-2013, 09:33 AM

Good one Slap, I'm lucky? My FIL lives 50 klms away with new wife,only met him once ,we went to visit.

Dillinger · 09-02-2013, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ozcol

My FIL lives 50 klms away with new wife

he's doin your new wife ?

whats his name ?

Hor ?

Mr Lick · 09-02-2013, 10:46 AM

Classy Alfred Hitchcock type suspense, (with special emphasis on cock in this graphic encounter)

somtamslap · 09-02-2013, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr Lick

Alfred Hitchcock

Por = Psycho

28-01-2013, 12:55 PM	#1 (permalink)
somtamslap splendid and tremendous Last Online: Today 05:22 AM Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 8,373	Home Alone in Isaan I had the house to myself a few days ago. Such solitude is quite a rarity in my dwellings so I immediately concluded that a particularly unsavoury assortment of pornographic material should be downloaded in order to assist me with a colossal wank. But since my internet provider doesn't really provide anything at all, I had to make do with a selection of images featuring sparsely clad Japanese females and a sack of obscene root vegetables; an ensemble which would surely see me part with the lion's share of a litre of semenary fluid - after all, fornicating has become few and far between in my residence and my testicles currently resembled a pair of fucking ostrich eggs. Just as I was preparing for an unprecedented splashdown, I heard my front door open with an eerie creak, followed by slow but exacting strides which were apparently heading towards the carnal contents of my boudoir. As the precise footsteps became more audible, they were joined by rasping breaths which immediately shrunk my nuts down to their regular size as I fumbled into my underpants and trousers. The doorknob began to frantically twitch. Someone was trying to get in. Although the door was locked, the persistence of the intruder was such that he/she/it wasn't going to be bested by a mere furniture fitting, and the frantic twitching turned into aggressive thumps. After a prolonged period of banging, during which my knackers imploded, the hasp eventually yielded and an entity of quite repulsive proportions revealed itself at the threshold of my bedroom. "Please" I stuttered "please don't hit me" This failed to elicit a response. The hideous quantity simply stood swaying on the spot. Its eyes, which were barely visible slits you'd more commonly associate with a pit viper, were trained on me as if weighing up a pending feast. "Please" I said again. "I have a wife and children" Again this appeared to fall on deaf ears. But it was now beginning to approach me, unclad claws dragging along the floor like a particularly offensive member of the undead, absolute purpose etched into its hideous features. "Please" this time I was begging, "I have a heart condition. If you hit me, it's murder" Apparently, this didn't wash with the gruesome, fowl being who was now literally inches away from my recently deceased pair of bollocks. Before I could jump out of the window and run away screaming, it emitted a sound which will haunt me forever. A rattling rasp which immediately filled the room as if a tangible quantity... "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-SIP BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHT" "Yes! Anything! Take it all! The power of Christ compels you! I demand you leave my presence" I was now talking in tongues. And with this Por skipped on over to the local shop with a view to purchase 20 baht's worth of his favourite tipple. POR, You terrible kunt! Last edited by somtamslap : 28-01-2013 at 01:26 PM.

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28-01-2013, 05:47 PM	#2 (permalink)
ataloss Member Last Online: Today 08:43 AM Join Date: May 2007 Location: north of Mae Tang Posts: 121	Can't get enough of your amusing yarns Somtam. You are rapidly becoming an Isaan treasure. Thanks for the smiles.

28-01-2013, 06:17 PM	#3 (permalink)
Rural Surin morbidly fascinated Last Online: Today 09:13 AM Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: กาฬสินธุ์ Posts: 23,539	Does Por partake in porn as well....?? Or is he into other things?

28-01-2013, 07:43 PM	#4 (permalink)
nevets Thailand Expat Last Online: 05-05-2013 01:56 PM Join Date: May 2008 Location: PHETCHABURI Posts: 1,467	Great once again.

29-01-2013, 01:15 PM	#6 (permalink)
charleyboy Member Last Online: Today 01:01 AM Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Cha-am. Posts: 470	Here you go Slap...A bit of porn for Por.

09-02-2013, 08:27 AM	#8 (permalink)
swampfox1001 Member Last Online: Yesterday 06:31 AM Join Date: Sep 2012 Posts: 69	A bit slow this morning, who or what was the intruder again?

09-02-2013, 09:09 AM	#12 (permalink)
withnallstoke Wankered on WWJ Last Online: Today 08:58 AM Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: The Felcher Memorial Home. Posts: 9,059	Por by name, pour by nature.

09-02-2013, 09:33 AM	#13 (permalink)
Ozcol Member Last Online: Today 06:58 AM Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Isaan Posts: 230	Good one Slap, I'm lucky? My FIL lives 50 klms away with new wife,only met him once ,we went to visit.

09-02-2013, 10:46 AM	#15 (permalink)
Mr Lick Tongue and Groove Devotee Last Online: Today 06:26 AM Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Mountain view Posts: 28,253	Classy Alfred Hitchcock type suspense, (with special emphasis on cock in this graphic encounter)

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