Beer Chang with a Ya-Dong chaser

[somtamslap]

Appears to be an alien concept in the middle of the stark baron vegetation that comprises of these here sticks.

To set the script, you find yourself on a cold and frosty evening, buttocks clutching a bar stool in a public house somewhere in a small hamlet on the outskirts of Scunthorpe whilst your pockets reek of currency begging to be liberated with a view to enable you to take the edge off of the psychological aches and pains that have accumulated during your workaday tasks and chores.

A subconscious ensemble of lager and a double portion of your favourite aperitif fall before you without having to even summons the energy to order. It's a given that pints of bitter, ale or beer should be supplemented with a token gesture of liquor - a chaser if you will - and bugger me with a robust role of chicken wire if it doesn't just serve the purpose of alleviating the angst, anxieties and general shite that we as human beings have to endure on a day to day basis. Show me someone with a perfect life and I'll show you a sledgehammer and a furious shade of envious green.

In one way or another, each and everyone of us deserve to be emancipated from the utter tedium of lateral thinking. Who in their right fucking mind would want to spend the whole day with their brain for company - fuck that, I'd rather go about adopting a serious crack habit whilst loitering around bus station conveniences with 'anus for rent' tattooed upon my perpetually sweating brow.

But here, out in the middle of bastard nowhere, where it is commonplace to stumble upon a gaggle of drunken peasants buggering one another with hand-crafted firearms in fallow sections of forest, that the very notion of chasing your award winning beverage (beer Chang to those who aren't in the know) with a surreptitious slurp of herbally infused local liquor, is quite positively frowned upon.

Animated cries of mun ja dee gun or in other words, 'the hops will battle the chemicals' and therefore promote an imbalance of harmony with regards to getting totally fucking shit-faced. It apparently simply isn't cricket to combine the pair.

But, alas, as I scrutinized my peers exiting our mutual watering hole on all fours, spewing an abundance of projectile sick into their pending paths, I couldn't but help note that yet again, I was right..

2 award winners + 2 five baht Ya Dong Chasers 1 -0 Several thousand gallons of neat Lau khao.

I also purchased a brace of tomatoes before I left the establishment in order to seal the unequivocal victory..

Some folks need to be learnt..

[Rural Surin]

Country Drunkard.

[Cujo]

It reads well, country drunkard, enjoying the charms of the countryside.

[somtamslap]

enjoying

An issue up for debate...

[somtamslap]

Country Drunkard.

There's no other way to tackle the kunt...

[Cujo]

enjoying

An issue up for debate...

Tolerating?

[Albert Shagnastier]

few greens your way Slartibardfast, machine won't compute the shit

[Cujo]

few greens your way Slartibardfast, machine won't compute the shit

I also have the same problem. (you must wait until tomorrow..) blah blah....

[somtamslap]

Tolerating?

Just about. I'm sure I'll look back and laugh but the light at the end of the tunnel is noticeable by its absence.

It's all a hoot, mind..for now

[Orroz]

Perhaps a perspective realignment back in Blighty is needed, Slap.

[somtamslap]

Perhaps a perspective realignment back in Blighty is needed, Slap.

I'm gonna go back next year and check it out..

[xanax]

Perhaps a perspective realignment back in Blighty is needed, Slap.

I'm gonna go back next year and check it out..

Don't bother mate, UK is a shithole now full of immigrants, asylum hide and seekers, single mothers and dole fiddlers. You are better off where you are. The only good thing about the Uk is that you can commit serious crimes and they still don't put you in prison. If you go back for any length of time become a hate preacher seeking the destruction of the country and it's values and they will give you a nice house in London, pay the rent for you and benefits for life.

[t.s]

what exactly is a subconscious ensemble of lager?

[somtamslap]

what exactly is a subconscious ensemble of lager?

dunno mate - I was fucked out of my face when I wrote it.

[nidhogg]

what exactly is a subconscious ensemble of lager?

I was more intrigued by the "baron vegetation" and the "role of chicken wire".........

[t.s]

what exactly is a subconscious ensemble of lager?

dunno mate - I was fucked out of my face when I wrote it.

fair enough

[t.s]

what exactly is a subconscious ensemble of lager?

I was more intrigued by the "baron vegetation" and the "role of chicken wire".........

we should collect these slapisms, some of them are brilliant.

every piece has at least one that makes me chuckle.

the bit on his MIL features a plugged in extension cord that could kill his children in "one foul swoop"

[OhOh]

some of them are brilliant

Some are shite! In fact most of them are about shite, or frilly white dresses.

[nidhogg]

the bit on his MIL features a plugged in extension cord that could kill his children in "one foul swoop"

Oh my God. Slap is shakespeare reincarnated!


What, all my pretty chickens, and their dam,
At one fell swoop?

Macbeth Act 4, scene 3, 213–219

[Mr Lick]

An appropriate reminder of what humans are capable of following an imbibe of a single small chang.