A Brief History of Slap

[somtamslap]

Slap commutes to work. Slap complements the journey with a large reefer packed with exceptionally strong marijuana.

Slap clocks in with a gullible grin. Slap adores ganja.

Slap's colleague informs him that he will presently be travelling to Thailand.

Slap doesn't understand. What the fuck do you need a tie for?

Slap is quickly educated on the notion of The World.

Slap chows down on a prawn mayonnaise butty whilst pondering such an unexpected twist.

Slap's colleague returns from said sabbatical. Slap is eager to learn of his experiences.

Slap boards a plane. And fucks off halfway around the globe.

The humidity is relentless. Slap largely detests such inhumane climate conditions.

Slap quickly locates an establishment where which to intoxicate himself with any available alcohol.

Slap is scared. Foreign. And culturally retarded.

Slap breaches bar entrance and finds himself unexpectedly engaged by a young lady who appears to be gyrating her unadorned pelvis around a stainless steel upright.

Slap involuntarily messes his underwear.

*********

Slap journies to the beach.

The beach is nice and sandy and warm.

Slap likes the beach.

Slap embarks on 7 years of relentless 'party-time'.

Slap wakes up one morning to find he's in possession of a Siamese wife and a posse of illegitimate back-stair sprogs.

Slap weighs such a balance in his sun-scorched hands. And reaches for a large measure of strong alcohol while he does so.

Cold, cannabis enhanced commutes no longer feature here.

So get on your bike, dear fellow. Get on your bike!


* This post was brought to you by Lao Khao. The number one sponsor of Southeast Asian fuckwits

[Satonic]

Congratulations seem to be in order then!

Slap likes the beach.

Slap embarks on 7 years of relentless 'party-time'.

Slap wakes up one morning to find he's in possession of a Siamese wife and a posse of illegitimate back-stair sprogs.

Not the only one mate But I got a dog, no sprogs yet.

[draco888]

Slap commutes to work. Slap complements the journey with a large reefer packed with exceptionally strong marijuana.

Slap clocks in with a gullible grin. Slap adores ganja.

so you are a thai stick farmer out there in the sticks then?

[somtamslap]

no sprogs yet.

Don't bother. They're a nuisance.

so you are a thai stick farmer out there in the sticks then?

Actually no. Pot of any sort now brings me out into inextinguishable anxiety. As does coffee. Or anything else that isn't alcohol.

[DJ Pat]

* This post was brought to you by Lao Khao. The number one sponsor of Southeast Asian fuckwits

I've lost my mind

[WilliamBlake]

Slap embarks on 7 years of relentless 'party-time'.

Ahh, yes. Kindred Spirits...


Not being sentimental. That's what I'm drinking.

[corned dog]

Mr Slap you carn't beat essarn tequila as a good drink

[Orroz]

Slap refers to himself in the third person just like the natives.

[jamiejambos]

A funny and amusing and also very entertaining fellow is Mr Slap...

[somtamslap]

Not being sentimental. That's what I'm drinking.

I think I was on a similar brew last night.

And this perpetual darkness, damp and drizzle is not helping with the hangover. I may have to continue.

[Norton]

A Brief History of Slap

Looks good. This go in the book in the "About the author" section?

[somtamslap]

This go in the book in the "About the author" section?

About the author:

Slap currently lives in jail where he is followed around by an entourage of transvestites

[Dillinger]

Slap's colleague returns from said sabbatical. Slap is eager to learn of his experiences.

Slap boards a plane. And fucks off halfway around the globe.

Fill that void in the middle of those 2 sentences


When i go back to the UK and talk about the wonderful world of me, and the things I get up to here, most is answered with the phrase.....

Bollocks!!!

[peaches]

Slap breaches bar entrance and finds himself unexpectedly engaged by a young lady who appears to be gyrating her unadorned pelvis around a stainless steel upright. Slap involuntarily messes his underwear.

Slap must have had a tetestrone transplant
I haven't done that since my mid teens

[somtamslap]

Fill that void in the middle of those 2 sentences

Too taxing..I was a leeeetle beeeeet drunk.

Slap must have had a tetestrone transplant
I haven't done that since my mid teens

I continue to do it to this day. Tis a terrible affliction, but a the same time keeps the right hand free of callouses

[Daft Old Cat]

Try poking it down with a stick Slap

[somtamslap]

Try poking it down with a stick Slap

It's never up in the first place - I'm sexually inadequate on so many levels.

[Latindancer]

Have a sandwich for lunch, mate.....one on top, one below, and a nice olive oil-based salad dressing between.

[Little Chuchok]

Try poking it down with a stick Slap

It's never up in the first place - I'm sexually inadequate on so many levels.

Get your missus to do a hand stand with her legs apart...then all you have to do is drop it in.

[Daft Old Cat]

Try poking it down with a stick Slap

It's never up in the first place - I'm sexually inadequate on so many levels.

Get your missus to do a hand stand with her legs apart...then all you have to do is drop it in.

Then afterwards, it'll be a nice place to display a few flowers

[somtamslap]

Get your missus to do a hand stand with her legs apart...then all you have to do is drop it in.

The Frosby - Flop approach? Tried, tested metaphorically molested. Failed.

[Gnasher]

Some of these older posts are very informative . I would like to become Slaps Padawan

[Cujo]

Some of these older posts are very informative . I would like to become Slaps Padawan

Slap has reformed and become a highly successful author of some renown.
I doubt he needs a Padawan any longer.

[withnallstoke]

Slap has returned to England.

Slap can't turn his nose up at an easy quid.

Slap visits toilets in the south of England.

Slap charges two quid a lick, one quid for a sniff, and a promise of a happy ending.

Slap visits his inlaws.

They tell him to fuck off as well.

Slap decides to publish his memoirs, and enlists the help of drawers to draw.

Slap decides to fuck off abroad for a weekend.

Slap makes a deal for a free pushbike, a free train ticket, and a free poke in the bottom.

Slap scuttles back to Kent.
And puts his arse up for rent.

[fishlocker]

Stokes, I laughed so hard that I was compelled to slap myself. Poor Mr Slap, I hope he sells a copy.
Dear sir, old man will you read my book? It took me years to wright, will you take a look?