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Jokes and funny stories The section for all the zany and humorous stuff. Post your favourite jokes and funniest pictures here, also videos from youtube etc can be posted here.

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Old 03-09-2011, 02:10 PM   #1 (permalink)
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A police officer in the UK

A Police Officer in the UK
Question:

How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?


Answer:

First - Lets pose the following question:

You're on duty by yourself walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and lunges at you.
You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot, however you have only a split second to react before he reaches you.
What do you do?

BRITISH POLICE OFFICER:

Firstly the officer must consider the man's Human Rights.
1) Does the man look poor or oppressed?
2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?
3) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
4) Am I dressed provocatively?
5) Could I run away?
6) Could I possibly swing my gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
7) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong doings?
8) Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
9) Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society?
10) Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me?
12) If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself? .
13) If I shoot and wound him, and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?


AUSTRALIAN POLICE OFFICER:

BANG!


AMERICAN POLICE OFFICER:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! 'click'....
(Sergeant arrives at scene later and remarks: 'Nice grouping!)

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I aint superstitious, but I know when somethings wrong
I`ve been dragging my heels with a bitch called hope
Let the undercurrent drag me along.
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Old 03-09-2011, 03:37 PM   #2 (permalink)
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THAI POLICE

Roy Baht cop khun khrap
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Old 04-09-2011, 02:10 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thormaturge View Post
THAI POLICE

Roy Baht cop khun khrap
Which means what smartarse?
Not all of us read Thai.
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Old 04-09-2011, 03:12 PM   #4 (permalink)
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100bht thankyou.
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Old 04-09-2011, 03:25 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Koojo View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thormaturge View Post
THAI POLICE

Roy Baht cop khun khrap
Which means what smartarse?
Not all of us read Thai.
just a stab in the dark here - but thats not really Thai, which has lots of curly bits and the like......
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Old 04-09-2011, 08:31 PM   #6 (permalink)
or TizYou?
 
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I would have thought "Ha Roy Baht cop khun khrap" would be more appropriate.
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