Thread: Quick Jokes

  1. #3276
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    My local cinema are showing a one off James Bond film for the dyslexic society.


    Respect!

  2. #3277
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    There are 10 types of people, those that can read binary and those that can't

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  5. #3280
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    0000001000101011

  6. #3281
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    A book has been found today down the back of a shelf, during the re-fit of Dublin Library ,when dusted off the title read;



    IRISH DANCING PART 2

    (ARM MOVEMENTS).

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    555555555

  8. #3283
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    Last night my girlfriend asked me how I view lesbian relationships.

    Apparently "in HD" is the wrong answer...

  9. #3284
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    A marriage guidance councillor asked my wife and I to describe our sex life with a film title,

    "Gone in sixty seconds, " said my wife sarcastically,

    "Enter the dragon, " I replied

  10. #3285
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    Everyone keeps telling me I'm paranoid.

    It's like a conspiracy or something.

  11. #3286
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    Wow another day passed and I didn't use algebra once.

  12. #3287
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    I stand corrected, said the man in orthopedic shoes

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    I was checking tickets on the train this morning when one of the passengers handed me his ticket and said "There you go driver".
    I thought "Oh Fuck".

  14. #3289
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    MPs are being encouraged to use the term "Daesh" instead of "Islamic State" as Daesh is an insult to the terrorists.

    Unfortunately, Daesh is a really difficult word for me to pronounce so, from now on, I'll be using the word "Cunts".

  15. #3290
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    The waitress walks up to one of her tables and is shocked to see three Japanese men, all sat there masturbating violently. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" she screams. One of the Japanese guys looks up and says, "Well, it says on the menu, First come, First served!"
    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer View Post
    I just want the chance to use a bigger porridge bowl.

  16. #3291
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    I said to the wife, I've got a problem.
    She replied "no we have a problem.We are a couple, we're a unit"...
    "Your problem is my problem.We are in this together"

    Over whelmed with relief,I said.... "it's hardly worth mentioning now"
    but she was insistent on knowing," what is the problem??....."

    I then had to explain to her that,

    " WE have got your sister pregnant!!!

  17. #3292
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    A suicide bomber died and went to Paradise, as foretold.

    When he arrived there he said to Allah that he was ready to claim his 72 virgins, as promised. Out of curiosity he asked Allah why there were so many virgins in heaven.

    Allah looked at him for a moment, then replied, "Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because people like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So, you're here to service them. Since they're virgins, they're quite sexually ravenous and frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty. I shall banish you from Paradise should you fail.

    The bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?”

    Allah replied, "Who told you they were women?"

  18. #3293
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    Quote Originally Posted by harrybarracuda
    "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?”
    I can't keep mine satisfied for a long weekend (without resorting to the credit card).

  19. #3294
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bettyboo View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by harrybarracuda
    "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?”
    I can't keep mine satisfied for a long weekend (without resorting to the credit card).
    Try Viagra. It won't make you James Bond, but it will make you Roger Moore.

  20. #3295
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    Sheriff Cujo will be along shortly, cos that joke ain't short.

  21. #3296
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    What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
    -- The fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out

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    ^ you realize that you could have written "when the meat is pulled out", rather than including yourself in the joke (as rogerer), just sayin...

  23. #3298
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    What's the difference between a microwave and a gay?

    You can't get your meat brown in a microwave

  24. #3299
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neo View Post
    What's the difference between a microwave and a gay?

    You can't get your meat brown in a microwave

    Quote Originally Posted by Bettyboo View Post
    ^ you realize that you could have written "Ones meat won't brown in a microwave", rather than including yourself in the joke (as rogerer).
    Just sayin'

  25. #3300
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    ok... Roger can't get his meat brown in a microwave

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