After
Monday
and
Tuesday
even
my
calendar
says
W -T- F !
I wonder what Black Friday was like in Ferguson. Anyone spot the difference?
Price of Gas in France
A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and
made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks
away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind
such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied,
'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.'
I had no Monet
To buy Degas
To make the Van Gogh.
See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.
I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse.
I'll just get me coat!
Brilliant!
PDG Charleyboy.... can't green at the moment, have to find some other victim first !
Abdul walks into the bedroom with a goat on a leash and says,...
“Honey, this is the cow that I sleep with when you have a headache”
The wife lying in bed, looks up and says,
“If you weren’t such an in-bred moron, you’d know it’s a goat, not a cow.
” Abdul replies, “If you weren’t such a presumptuous bitch, you’d realize I was talking to the goat!”
^But it was fairly quick...
^ now that's funny...
Top tip...
Reduce the risk of night time fire by soaking all your furniture with a hosepipe before you go to bed!
I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighborhood. So, I tore out my alarm system and cancelled my membership of our local Neighborhood Watch.
I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIL in its center.
Now,the Yorkshire police, the National Security Bureau, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in Europe are all watching my house 24x7x365.
My children are followed to school every day and my wife when she goes shopping. I'm followed to and from work every day. So no one bothers me at all.
I've never felt safer.
All Thanks to Allah.
During a particularly rough day at sea one of the female passengers noted that the table cloths at dinner were wet. No one at her table knew why, so she asked the steward. He told he that that they wet the table cloths to prevent the plates falling off the table in rough weather.
To which she replied "That's I good idea perhaps I should wet my bed tonight to stop me falling out"
Better to think inside the pub, than outside the box?
I apologize if any offence was caused. unless it was intended.
You people, you think I know feck nothing; I tell you: I know feck all
Those who cannot change their mind, cannot change anything.
So... do you have any jokes Koojo..?
^Probably the shaggy dog variety...
A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said, "My dog's cross-eyed,
is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's
have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and has a good look at
its eyes. "Hmm," says the vet, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to put
him down" "Just because he's cross-eyed?" says the man. "No, because
he's heavy," said the vet.
Out to lunch one day, a couple immigrants were having a fine time
until Hymie began to gag. "I---I think I svallowed a bone," Hymie
gasped. "Hymie," said Morris, "are you choking?" "No, dammit, I'm
serious!"
I walked past the greengrocers the other day and there was a sign
'Cucumbers, loose, 75p'
I thought I'll get one for the Mrs as that's her size.
First one was quite good... nice effort
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