Page 3 of 181 FirstFirst 12345678910111353103 ... LastLast
Results 51 to 75 of 4521

Thread: Quick Jokes

  1. #51
    Thailand Expat
    bobo746's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 10:58 AM
    Location
    Civilization
    Posts
    13,314
    A new study on sexual behavior has determined that intercourse is performed by married couples most often in the "doggie" position.

    The husband sits up and begs, and the wife rolls over and plays dead!

    .................................................. .........................................

    I used to be into necrophilia, sado-masochism and beastiality but everyone told me I was just flogging a dead horse....

  2. #52
    Knows fok all
    daveboy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Kent
    Posts
    5,219
    BREAKING NEWS!!!!!
    The chairman of the Indian Commonwealth games has just tried to hang himself......but the ceiling collapsed!

  3. #53
    Thailand Expat
    bobo746's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 10:58 AM
    Location
    Civilization
    Posts
    13,314
    What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
    One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with.... the other is used to carry groceries.

    .................................................. .................................................. ............

    What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
    Well hung.

  4. #54
    Member
    grasshopper's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 03:48 PM
    Location
    sydney by the beach
    Posts
    868
    This old jewish gent gets knocked down while crossing the road outside the synagogue. A fellow worshipper rushes over and says:
    "Abe! Abe! Are you comfortable?
    Abe looks up and snarls:
    "I'm makin a living."

  5. #55
    Thailand Expat
    bobo746's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 10:58 AM
    Location
    Civilization
    Posts
    13,314
    TOP TEN THINGS A MAN WOULD DO IF HE WOKE UP AND HAD A VAGINA FOR A DAY:

    10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

    9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

    8. See if they could finally do the splits.

    7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

    6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

    5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes...BEFORE closing time.

    4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

    3. Go to the gynaecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

    2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

    And, the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with a vagina...

    1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

  6. #56
    Thailand Expat
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    3,600
    A test at an Durham City High school in North Carolina, required students to use "handsome" in a sentence.
    The girl named Lateshia says "Sometimes when I be suckin' Jamal's snake, my jaw gets sore and I hafta use my handsome."

  7. #57
    Thailand Expat
    crippen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Last Online
    Today @ 01:05 PM
    Location
    Korat
    Posts
    5,202
    Yesterday was the 50th anniversary of the Flintstones.
    However, apparently, the people in Dubai don't get it, but the people in Abu Dhabi Do!!!!!!

  8. #58
    Thailand Expat
    bobo746's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 10:58 AM
    Location
    Civilization
    Posts
    13,314
    What do you call a lesbian Eskimo?
    Klondike

    .................................................. .................................................. ......
    "Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pack of cards!"
    "Sit down and I'll deal with you later."

    .................................................. .................................................. .......
    How do you piss off a female archeologist?
    Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from

  9. #59
    Thailand Expat
    the dogcatcher's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Last Online
    24-12-2015 @ 06:41 PM
    Location
    My body is not a temple, It's the hell where I reside.
    Posts
    5,708
    Q. What do you call a Pakistani that lives between two houses.

    A. Alley.



    Q. What was the name of the first Paki immigrant in the UK.


    A. Amhere.

  10. #60
    Thailand Expat
    bobo746's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 10:58 AM
    Location
    Civilization
    Posts
    13,314
    How do you fit twenty Pakistanis in a tyre?
    Tell them it's a flat.
    .................................................. ........................

    Q: What is the difference between a good looking Paki girl and Bigfoot?
    A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

  11. #61
    R.I.P
    Mr Lick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Last Online
    25-09-2014 @ 02:50 PM
    Location
    Mountain view
    Posts
    40,028
    Bloke goes into a pub, and the barmaid asks what he wants.
    "I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your tits" he says.
    "You dirty bastard!" shouts the barmaid, "get out before I get my husband."
    The bloke apologizes and promises not to repeat his gaffe.

    The Barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants.
    "I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your arse and lick it all off."

    She says, "You dirty filthy pervert! You're banned. Get out!!"
    Again, the bloke apologizes and swears never ever to do it again.
    "One more chance," says the barmaid, "Now - what do you want?"
    "I want to turn you upside down, tear your knickers off and fill your pussy with Guinness, and then drink every last drop from the hairy cup."
    The barmaid is furious at this personal intrusion, and runs upstairs to fetch her husband, who's sitting quietly watching the TV.
    "What's up love?" he asks.
    "There's a bloke in the bar who wants to put his head between my tits and lick the sweat off", she says.
    "I'll kill him. Where is he?" storms the husband.
    "Then he said he wanted to pour yoghurt down between my arse cheeks and lick it off" she screams.
    "Right. He's dead!" says the husband, reaching for a baseball bat.
    "Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my fanny with Guinness and then drink it all" she cries!
    The husband puts down his bat and returns to his armchair, and switches the TV back on.
    "Aren't you going to do something about it?" she cries hysterically.
    "Look love, I'm not messing with any bloke who can drink 15 pints of Guinness..."

  12. #62
    Thailand Expat
    bobo746's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 10:58 AM
    Location
    Civilization
    Posts
    13,314
    Earlier on today I saw an African kid eating grass by the side of the road. I stopped & said, "don't eat that, come to my place with me".
    The child replied, " I have three brothers & a sister, can they come too"?
    I replied, "don't be stupid, I've only got a small lawn".
    .................................................. .................................................. ....
    Two black fellas see a sign saying, "Make yourself white, $10".
    "Lets do it", says Murray.
    "All we have is a $20 note though". Says Albert.
    "Right, you go first Albert, & when you get the change, I'll go in".
    So Albert heads off & comes back two minutes later, all nice & white.
    "Wow look at you mate, all flash looking eh! Give me the other tenner then".
    Albert says, "get stuffed you black prick".

  13. #63
    Thailand Expat
    bobo746's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 10:58 AM
    Location
    Civilization
    Posts
    13,314
    I feel stupid. I lost the pub trivia on the last question last night.
    The question was, "Where do woman have the curliest hair"?
    Apparently, the answer is Fiji.
    .................................................. .................................................. .........
    I was at Hungry Jacks this morning, & two Muslim woman, wearing the brightest head to toe robes I've ever seen, came in.
    Apparently, the burkas are better at Hungry Jacks.

  14. #64
    Thailand Expat
    bobo746's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 10:58 AM
    Location
    Civilization
    Posts
    13,314
    A priest booked into a motel and said, "I hope the porn channel is disabled."
    The girl behind the counter said, "No, it's just normal porn, you sick prick".


    .................................................. .................................................. ...........
    I walked past an abo sitting on the ground this arvo, & he said, "Any change mate"?
    I said no, you're still black.


  15. #65
    Thailand Expat
    bobo746's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 10:58 AM
    Location
    Civilization
    Posts
    13,314
    My teenage son just told me he shagged the neighbours daughter for the first time last night night.
    "Well done son", I said, "I hope you used something for personal protection".
    "Yeah dad, a balaclava".
    .................................................. .................................................. ..........
    I've just been banned from a Muslim clothes shop.
    I only asked for a bomber jacket.
    Touchy bastards.


  16. #66
    Thailand Expat
    bobo746's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 10:58 AM
    Location
    Civilization
    Posts
    13,314
    I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army Soup Kitchen.
    All I said was, "will you bastards hurry up, some of us have a home to go to".
    .................................................. .................................................. ...........


    I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night. He hypnotized 7 blokes then dropped the mike on his foot & said "Fuck me".
    What happened next will haunt me forever.

  17. #67
    Thailand Expat
    crippen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Last Online
    Today @ 01:05 PM
    Location
    Korat
    Posts
    5,202
    There's a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market - Trycoxagain.

  18. #68
    Thailand Expat
    crippen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Last Online
    Today @ 01:05 PM
    Location
    Korat
    Posts
    5,202
    Shagged my mother's sister last night. To be honest, it was an anti climax.......

  19. #69
    Knows fok all
    daveboy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Kent
    Posts
    5,219
    I was sitting in a bar last night, and some fella was in there with a black top on, black shorts on and a whistle in is mouth, and I thought to myself, this cnuts gonna kick off in a minute...

  20. #70
    Knows fok all
    daveboy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Kent
    Posts
    5,219
    You wont hear from me for a while. Being investigated for stealing swimming pool inflatables so I need to lilo.

  21. #71
    Sprayed On Member
    The Fresh Prince's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Not in the willage
    Posts
    11,684
    A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi are sat in a cafe when a young boy walks by.

    "Corrrre look at that!" Says the priest.."Shall we fuck him?"

    "Outta what?" Says the Rabbi

  22. #72
    Thailand Expat
    crippen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Last Online
    Today @ 01:05 PM
    Location
    Korat
    Posts
    5,202
    Tits are like train sets. They're intended for children but it's always the dads end up playing with them.

  23. #73
    Thailand Expat
    bobo746's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 10:58 AM
    Location
    Civilization
    Posts
    13,314
    Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't
    have a lot of money. Between them, they could only
    raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

    Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

    He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out
    with one large sausage.

    Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any
    money left at all!'

    Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

    He went into the pub where he immediately

    ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

    Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much
    trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'

    Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't ! worry, I have a
    Plan, Cheers!'

    They downed their drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick
    the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees
    and put it in your mouth.'

    The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them
    out.

    They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and
    more drunk, all for free.

    At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I
    can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are
    killin' me!'

    Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I lost the bl00dy sausage in the third pub!

  24. #74
    Knows fok all
    daveboy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Kent
    Posts
    5,219
    Man walks up 2 a woman in a night club and says "have u got a pen " she tells him very excitedly that she has, he looks into her eyes and says " well u had better hurry up back before the farmer realises your not in it.

  25. #75
    Thailand Expat
    bobo746's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 10:58 AM
    Location
    Civilization
    Posts
    13,314
    What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
    >Dam!
    .................................................. .................................................. ..........

    What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
    >A Stick
    .................................................. .................................................. ..........

    What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
    Polaroid's

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •