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Thread: Quick Jokes

  1. #26
    Molecular Mixup
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    Q: Why are there so many trees in Harlem?
    A:
    Public transportation.

  2. #27
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    A guy walks into a bar, orders a scotch and soda and puts a frog on the bar. The bartender gives him the drink and asks what the frog's for?
    The guy snaps his fingers and the frog jumps down and blows the man. The bartender is amazed, and asks to see that again.
    So the guy a second time snaps his fingers, the frog jumps down, blows the man, and hops back on the bar. The bartender is astounded, he offers the guy $3000 for the frog.
    The man of course accepts, and gives the frog to the bartender.
    The bartender, after his shift, goes home. he's sitting in his kitchen, calls his wife over, says he has something to show her.
    His wife walks in, the bartender takes the frog out of his pocket, puts it on the table, snaps his fingers, the frog jumps down, blows the bartender and hops back on the kitchen table.
    The wife asks, "why the hell are you showing me this?"
    The bartender says, "cause you're going to teach him how to cook and then you're gonna get the fuck outta here."

  3. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by blue View Post
    Q: Why are there so many trees in Harlem?
    A:
    Public transportation.
    Is that supposed to be funny??

  4. #29
    Molecular Mixup
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    errrrrrrrr


  5. #30
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    My english teacher just told me my grammar is shit....I said well your grandads a cnut!!

  6. #31
    Molecular Mixup
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    I went to the opticians last week,


    he said - "you're gonna have to stop wanking"

    why
    ? i asked , am I going to go blind ?
    No ,but you're scaring all the other paitents in the waiting room

  7. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dug View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by blue View Post
    Q: Why are there so many trees in Harlem?
    A: Public transportation.
    Is that supposed to be funny??
    It's fucking hilarious.


  8. #33
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    ***NEWSFLASH*** Tell ALL your female friends that i can get 100 tampons for 1
    ... No Strings attached
    ...but for a limited period ONLY!
    ...A bloody good deal!

    .................................................. .................................................. ........
    A husband was asked: Do u talk to wife after sex?
    His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone

    .................................................. .................................................. ........
    Q. Why don't guys like to preform oral sex on a woman the morning after sex?
    A. Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

  9. #34
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    Q. What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?
    A. They can smell it but they cant eat it!

    .................................................. .................................................. .......
    what is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
    Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12

    .................................................. .................................................. .......

  10. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by the dogcatcher View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Dug View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by blue View Post
    Q: Why are there so many trees in Harlem?
    A: Public transportation.
    Is that supposed to be funny??
    It's fucking hilarious.

    It's so fucking lame it needs a walker and you need a sense of humour transfusion.

  11. #36
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    I was surfing the net yesterday and a pop up came up that said.
    "START WANKING NOW"
    I was thinking I would do, but this is the only internet cafe in the village.

  12. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dug View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by the dogcatcher View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Dug View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by blue View Post
    Q: Why are there so many trees in Harlem?
    A: Public transportation.
    Is that supposed to be funny??
    It's fucking hilarious.

    It's so fucking lame it needs a walker and you need a sense of humour transfusion.
    No it's you that needs a sense of humour.
    Or perhaps slightly thicker skin.

  13. #38
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    Are you suggesting that monkeys are in some way inferior to black people.
    After all we are all human.
    At what point would you like to draw the line.
    Like the black community always maintains that they are not inferior just disadvantaged.
    Same same chimpansees.

  14. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by the dogcatcher View Post
    Are you suggesting that monkeys are in some way inferior to black people.
    After all we are all human.
    At what point would you like to draw the line.
    Like the black community always maintains that they are not inferior just disadvantaged.
    Same same chimpansees.
    You're missing the point, I'm not offended by it.
    It's just not funny. Just because it's a joke about niggers doesn't make it funny.
    .
    Why didn't the jew sit on the park bench?
    Because.the paint was wet.

  15. #40
    Molecular Mixup
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    {After not sitting on the wet park bench , the jew decides to buy a pet }

    Abe wants to buy a parrot and goes to his local pet shop to see what they have. The assistant shows him a parrot and says, "This one is very special it speaks English and Yiddish perfectly." Abe is a little incredulous, so he asks the parrot: "Is it true you can speak Yiddish?"
    The parrot shrugs and says, "With a nose like this, what do you think?"..

  16. #41
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    What’s the difference between Princess Di and Tiger Woods?
    Tiger Woods has a reliable driver
    .................................................. ...............................

  17. #42
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    A man was driving down an Alaskan road and his car suddenly broke down. He phoned the Alaskan Mobile Fixit Service and they arrived shortly after.
    The service man opened the hood and after a while the looked up and said, "It looks like you've blown a seal."
    The man replied, "No, it's just frost on my moustache."


  18. #43
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    How does it change many dyslexics to take a light-bulb?

  19. #44
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    I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think " I'm f**king having that!"

  20. #45
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    A little girl walks into her parents' bedroom. " Holy FUCk" she screams "And you want ME to see a doctor about sucking my THUMB...!!

  21. #46
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    Q. When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
    A. When he eats his first Brownie

    .................................................. ...............................

    Q. Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist?
    A. He got the sack.

    .................................................. ................................

    Q. Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for "lesbian".
    A. It has been changed to "vagitarian".

  22. #47
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    Q. What's the definition of "Tender Love?"
    A. Two gays with haemorrhoids.

    .................................................. ..........................
    . Hear about the new gay sitcom?
    A. "Leave it, it's Beaver."

    .................................................. ...........................
    A sandwich walks into a bar and asks the barman for a drink.
    The barman says..."Sorry, we don't serve food here."

  23. #48
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    A New Zealander walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says...

    "Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."

    The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says,
    "If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow."

    The guy replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch, you'd realize I was talking to the sheep."

  24. #49
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    What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
    The taste.

    .................................................. ..........................

    Q: Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?
    A: She's withholding evidence.


    .................................................. .................................................. ......

    How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
    When she has to chew before she swallows.

  25. #50
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    The World's shortest Fairy Tale....

    Once upon a time a bloke asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'...

    The girl said 'NO!'...

    AND THE BLOKE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER AND FUCKED ALL HER MATES AND RODE MOTORCYCLES AND WENT FISHING AND PLAYED FOOTBALL AND DRANK BEER AND ATE CURRY AND LEFT THE TOILET SEAT UP AND PLAYED ON THE
    PLAYSTATION AND FARTED AND HAD A
    WANK WHENEVER HE WANTED......The End.
    For all those confused females out there, it's simple. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a fucking sandwich!.

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