Page 191 of 191 FirstFirst ... 91141181183184185186187188189190191
Results 4,751 to 4,772 of 4772

Thread: Quick Jokes

  1. #4751
    En route
    Cujo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Last Online
    Today @ 01:16 PM
    Location
    Reality.
    Posts
    27,231
    A new study shows that men are more likely to blame stress from work as a contributing factor to poor mental health, whereas women...jabber on about something or other.
    Last edited by Cujo; 02-11-2018 at 04:03 PM.

  2. #4752
    Thailand Expat
    OhOh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Last Online
    Today @ 09:14 PM
    Location
    Where troubles melt like lemon drops
    Posts
    16,057
    ^Cooking porridge tops the list,I hear.

  3. #4753
    Thailand Expat

    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Last Online
    Today @ 07:00 PM
    Location
    across the street
    Posts
    3,779
    What'd the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

    Aye matey.

  4. #4754
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    6,058
    Can't decide whether to stay home and wish I went out or go out and wish I stayed home.

  5. #4755
    Thailand Expat
    can123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Last Online
    13-01-2019 @ 05:02 AM
    Posts
    5,417
    Lord of the Manor : That was a damn fine shot, wasn't it ?

    Irish Beater : No, Milord, waste of a cartridge, the fall would have killed it.

  6. #4756
    POTUS HOCUS
    david44's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Last Online
    03-12-2018 @ 01:21 PM
    Location
    Inner Wrongholia
    Posts
    13,668
    Don’t you hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious?

    Light travels faster than sound, which is why people lappear bright—until they open their mouths.

    Folks who think you know it all are really annoying to those of us who do.

    Mrs told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy, so I got drunk.

    Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face—once you shove them down the stairs, that is.





    I used to have a job at a calendar factory.
    I got the sack because
    I took a couple of days off.

  7. #4757
    POTUS HOCUS
    david44's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Last Online
    03-12-2018 @ 01:21 PM
    Location
    Inner Wrongholia
    Posts
    13,668
    The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

    Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

    My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

  8. #4758
    POTUS HOCUS
    david44's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Last Online
    03-12-2018 @ 01:21 PM
    Location
    Inner Wrongholia
    Posts
    13,668
    Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

    I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re still here.”

    Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

    If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants

  9. #4759
    POTUS HOCUS
    david44's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Last Online
    03-12-2018 @ 01:21 PM
    Location
    Inner Wrongholia
    Posts
    13,668
    Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don’t make sense. Refrigerator.

  10. #4760
    POTUS HOCUS
    david44's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Last Online
    03-12-2018 @ 01:21 PM
    Location
    Inner Wrongholia
    Posts
    13,668
    The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.


    Archeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.






  11. #4761
    Member
    harrybarracuda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Last Online
    Today @ 08:39 PM
    Posts
    54,469
    In school, we had an assembly on bullying. The teacher spoke about a young gay boy, being bullied because of his sexuality.

    She spoke in length about his life, and the verbal abuse he suffers. She then asked us all the question, 'How do you think he takes it?'


    Apparently, 'Up the arse!' wasn't a suitable answer.

  12. #4762
    Member
    harrybarracuda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Last Online
    Today @ 08:39 PM
    Posts
    54,469
    Attached Images Attached Images

  13. #4763
    Thailand Expat
    reddog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Last Online
    Today @ 02:20 PM
    Posts
    1,095
    What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwomam.
    snow balls

    thats my piss poor xmas joke

  14. #4764
    Thailand Expat
    OhOh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Last Online
    Today @ 09:14 PM
    Location
    Where troubles melt like lemon drops
    Posts
    16,057




    Attached Images Attached Images

  15. #4765
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    6,058
    The pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
    The optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
    The realist sees an express train coming.
    The train driver sees three idiots standing on the track.
    - anon

  16. #4766
    Member
    harrybarracuda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Last Online
    Today @ 08:39 PM
    Posts
    54,469
    A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital. He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.


    "Am I in heaven?" asks the disoriented priest.


    "No" says one of the nurses. "We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward".

  17. #4767
    Member
    harrybarracuda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Last Online
    Today @ 08:39 PM
    Posts
    54,469
    My wife left me because she thinks I'm insecure and paranoid.

    Oh, it's alright, she just went to get the newspaper.

  18. #4768
    I am in Jail

    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Last Online
    Today @ 08:51 PM
    Location
    On the range
    Posts
    17,577

  19. #4769
    I am in Jail

    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Last Online
    Today @ 08:51 PM
    Location
    On the range
    Posts
    17,577

  20. #4770
    I am in Jail

    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Last Online
    Today @ 08:51 PM
    Location
    On the range
    Posts
    17,577
    Harry and Cujo in Las Vegas were sitting on a bench talking ... and harry says "Which do you think is farther away ... Florida or the moon?" Cujo turns and says "Hellooooooo, can you see Florida?"

  21. #4771
    Member
    harrybarracuda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Last Online
    Today @ 08:39 PM
    Posts
    54,469
    My girlfriend says she is leaving me because I try and make everything into a quiz.

    Is that:

    ( a ) Weird
    ( b ) Annoying
    ( c ) Unfair

  22. #4772
    Pedantic bastard
    nidhogg's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    14,103
    My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. – But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 5 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 5 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •