A blonde drops off a dress to the dry cleaners.
The little Asian lady says "come again!"
The blonde says, "no, its toothpaste this time."
A blonde drops off a dress to the dry cleaners.
The little Asian lady says "come again!"
The blonde says, "no, its toothpaste this time."
Why did the blond get fired from her job at the m&m factory?
She threw away all the 'w's
Someone's trying to rack up their post count. Smeg?
anyways.....
I thought about having a threesome..
But realised if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I might as well have dinner with my parents.
What is the difference between a guy with a pony tail and a young horse.
No difference. When you lift up the ponytail underneath you will find an arsehole.
My wife said to me " you are always pushing me around and talking behind my back"
I replied "well you are in a wheel chair."
A guy is driving out in the middle of nowhere, very lost. Finally he spots 2 houses so he goes up to the first house and looks in the door way. He sees an old lady yanking on her boobs and an old man jerking off. He is so freaked out that he goes to the next house and says "What's up with your neighbors?" and the owner of the house says "Oh that's the Robinson's, they're both deaf. She's telling him to go milk the cow and he's telling her to go fuck herself!"
I am so unlucky that if I fall into a barrel full of D*ick**s, I'd come out sucking my own thumb!
A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent. The doctor says, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean." She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!"
What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.
Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
What’s the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
The porcupine's pricks are on the outside.
Went out last night and got really wasted.
I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring...
So, at least I got home OK.
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
I was sitting at a red light yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic
Then a carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting anti-British slogans, with a half- burned Union Jack duct-taped to the boot lid of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan, spray painted on the side, pulled up next to me
Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akhbar!" and took off before the lights changed. Out of nowhere a bus came speeding through the junction and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Bloody hell! That could have been me".... So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a bus driver
What do you call a bloke with no shins? Tony.
Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had 4, they'd be chicken sedans.
What did the goats milk cheese say when it looked in the mirror? "Hello me."
Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall? To see her crack.
Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.
Female: Baby I am wet.
Male: Want a paper towel?
Female: No, I want more than that
Male: Want 2 paper towels?
Female: No, baby I want sumthing big and round
Male: Damn you want the whole roll?
It's no joke. Serial numbers on condoms. The Sly government in its bid to track slack punters has begun putting serial numbers on each and every condom distributed in the land of styles.
You have to unroll it all the way to see it.
Silly.
Many have come up short in this new bid to track civility.
I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper.
She told me that newspapers are old school.
She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her brand new iPad.
That fly didn’t stand a chance.
A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband.
Maid said sir you are my witness you know I never wear panties.
^ Your getting your jokes from the same old tired 1960s jokebook GF's using aren't you.
^^^^^
Sheriff Cuju is bullying again ,
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