Thread: Quick Jokes

Did you hear about the crazy Mexican train killer? He had locomotives

or the crazy mexican train driver with the shits, he did locomotions

I like my women the way I like my coffee, hot black and with a penguin

Get the feeling of spending a week in HuaHin by spending an afternoon in HuaHin!

I read in a woman's magazine that the perfect husband is "wealthy, intelligent and has an off-button".

I hate these distorted standards for men, how's a regular guy like me meant to compete with Stephen Hawking?

For the past twenty years, I've received a Valentine's card from the same secret admirer. So, I was pretty upset when I didn't get one this year.

First my granny dies, now this?

Man Driving Down road. Woman driving up same road. they pass each other. Man shouts out the window "FUCKING BIG FAT COW", Woman shouts out window "FUCK OFF WANKER!", woman turns round corner crashes into a huge cow and dies... Moral of story? if only women would fucking listen.

^Heh...A Salvador Dali joke...

Q: What is wrapped in silver paper and swings from bell to bell?
A: The Lunchpack of Notre Dam.

A guy comes out of a pub, slips on a pile of dog shit and lands on his ass.
He gets up and as he's wiping himself down a big burly guy comes out of the pub and slips on the same dog shit, landing on his ass with a thud
"I just did that!" the first guy says, whereupon the bigger guy punches him on the nose.

A guy goes into an Opticians with a large cardboard box and places it on the counter.
"Can I help you sir?" says the optician.
"Take a look at that" says the guy pointing to the box.
The optician opens the box and looks inside to see an enormous turd two feet long and six inches across.
"My god!" says the optician, "it's a doctor you need to see not an optician."
The guy replies" No, I need an optician because every time I do one of those it makes my eyes water!"

(I'll get me coat now!)

Shakespeare by a draughtsman?
2B OR NOT 2B

^^ ^ Jail the fookers!

I tried to follow my dreams, now I have multiple restraining orders.

I met a woman with 12 nipples once

Sounds hard to believe

Dozen tit

Bought the missus a hamster-skin coat last week.
Took her to the Fair last night - it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris Wheel.

A woman walked into a library and asked for a book on euphemisms.

So the librarian took her up the rear aisle and let her have it.

This year's Brits will always be remembered for its fabulous tribute to 'Allo 'Allo!, featuring the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies.

Shakespeare by a logician?
2B (OR NOT(2B))

As men age, we start seeing more of the medical world, which nowadays seems to include an increasing number of women as our physicians and therapists. And in my case, a new urologist.


My family doctor recently referred me to a just-out-of-medical-school female urologist. I saw her yesterday, and she's absolutely drop-dead gorgeous as well as unbelievably sexy.


She told me that I must stop masturbating.


I asked her why.


She said, "Because I'm trying to examine you..."

Originally Posted by crepitas

As men age, we start seeing more of the medical world, which nowadays seems to include an increasing number of women as our physicians and therapists. And in my case, a new urologist.


My family doctor recently referred me to a just-out-of-medical-school female urologist. I saw her yesterday, and she's absolutely drop-dead gorgeous as well as unbelievably sexy.


She told me that I must stop masturbating.


I asked her why.


She said, "Because I'm trying to examine you..."

Alternative: "Because you're upsetting all the other patients".

Originally Posted by nidhogg

This year's Brits will always be remembered for its fabulous tribute to 'Allo 'Allo!, featuring the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies.

You can laugh at Madonna but she's still got the body of a man half her age

Originally Posted by SiLeakHunt

Originally Posted by nidhogg

This year's Brits will always be remembered for its fabulous tribute to 'Allo 'Allo!, featuring the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies.

You can laugh at Madonna but she's still got the body of a man half her age

She keeps it in a freezer, right?

Originally Posted by nidhogg

Quote:
Originally Posted by SiLeakHunt
Quote:
Originally Posted by nidhogg
This year's Brits will always be remembered for its fabulous tribute to 'Allo 'Allo!, featuring the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies.
You can laugh at Madonna but she's still got the body of a man half her age
She keeps it in a freezer, right?
[at] [at]

Still does her own stunts it seems!

She's got one very cunning stunt, I hear.


Boom, tish