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  1. #1
    Mmmm, Bowling......
    mobs00's Avatar
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    Dying at Home in Thailand

    Yes I do occasionally read TV, and yes they do occasionally have some excellent threads. I am going to copy and paste one here as I think the information could be extremely helpful for someone at a time of great loss and need.

    If the mods feel it should be altered in anyway please do but please also keep this info available. Here it is below.

    -----

    I recently lost my very good friend. She died of cancer at home here in Chiang Mai. Her son came from the U.S. to spend her last weeks with her and I promised him that I would post this information to help others deal with the particulars while they are having to deal with the pain of loss. Because, as the terminal diagnosis became an unavoidable reality we began to try to find information on what procedures should be followed when a falang dies in Chiang Mai. There was very little information to be found. The following is our experience of the steps to take following a death at home. ( One day, I hope to put some information regarding the whole treatment experience but that is for another time).

    The evening my friend passed away her son called for an ambulance from Chiang Mai Ram (where she had been under the care of an oncologist). The ambulance arrived but, as she had already passed, they said that the police must be called first as it was a death outside of the hospital. The ambulance then returned to CMR. When the police arrived there was a lot of confusion. Luckily a Thai friend stepped in and explained that the deceased had been very ill with cancer for a long time. (At this point and from now on it is very important to have the passport of the deceased.) The police asked her son if he wished for an autopsy to determine if it was actually the cancer that had killed his mother. He declined. The police took a report and took a picture and allowed the son to call for another ambulance. The ambulance transported the deceased to the hospital and allowed the son and me to ride with the body.

    At the hospital the body was placed in a refrigerated unit in the morgue (quite a small, informal area). The son was advised to contact the police to pick up the police report in the morning (the hospital verified which police station to go to) and then to contact the British Honorary Consulate (she was British). We were offered a ride back to our homes.

    The police report was quickly obtained for no charge. We then went to the British H. Consulate where the son was treated with great kindness. The son had a birth certificate showing that he was next of kin. He was asked if there were any other relatives that should be involved with funeral arrangements. Copies were made of passports, birth certificate, and the police report. A letter was typed certifying that the son was the next of kin and was able to make funeral arrangements. He was advised as to which municipal office he needed to proceed to in order to get a death certificate. It must be the office in charge of the area in which the person died. There was no charge for any of this.

    We encountered our first small glitch at the municipal office. The forms are in Thai and you will need someone who can read and write Thai to help you fill them out. We were very lucky as a young woman on her break from work offered to help. The death certificate was obtained in a short time and copies made.

    The next step was to go to the temple. We had chosen Wat Pa Paeng. We had not spoken to anyone officially before this, however, as they won't make arrangements without the death certificate. By now we had been joined by a friend who speaks fluent Thai. (Very necessary at this point.) There was a Thai gentleman at the wat who spoke with us and within 30 minutes the arrangements had been made for a simple Buddhist cremation for the following afternoon. The price for the ceremony was 5,000 baht to be paid in an envelope before the ceremony. Another 200 baht would be paid when the remains were picked up on the morning following the funeral.

    We then proceeded to the hospital where we made arrangements for an ambulance to take the body to the wat the following afternoon. We also requested to have a change of clothes put on the body. This was all arranged easily. However, if you bring a change of clothing be sure that the items have buttons or closings that allow it to be put on a stiffening body, Sliding clothing over the head or feet may not work.

    At the appointed time the following day we arrived back at the hospital and paid a small fee for the all of the hospital services (several ambulance rides and storage in the morgue, 600baht).The body was wrapped in a white sheet and we accompanied it in an ambulance to the wat. The body was placed on a wooden tray. Monks chanted and performed a simple ceremony. Family and friends were allowed to place flowers (usually wreaths in Thailand) on the body and to say good-bye. The crematorium was opened and the body was slid inside. After waiting for the boy and girl scouts who were practicing drills in the temple yard to finish, the crematorium was lit. The ceremony was over and the friends and family retired to a local café to tell stories and toast the deceased.

    The following morning we returned for the remains. Thinking that the son would be given ashes with bits of bone we were surprised to be greeted with a pile of bone on a metal tray. Some pieces were longer than 10cms. Later we learned that it is the bones that are important to the continuing ceremonies for many Asian cultures. If you want some ashes you may be able to arrange something different before the ceremony but I don't know if they are equipped to gather the ash. We were given a plastic bag to collect the bones by hand. We were instructed to wash our hands after doing this. The son was given a receipt from the wat for the bones.

    Before leaving the country the son was advised to get the death certificate, the police report, and the receipt for the bones translated into English. This can be done through the consulate but that entails days of waiting and piles of baht. He was able to use a local translating service. He was advised to hand carry the remains along with the proper paperwork. He was not questioned upon leaving Thailand or entering the U.S. so the validity of the paperwork was not called into question. .

    All that remains now are the memories and the hole on the soi where this wonderful woman resided. She is missed on many continents. It would be her wish that her death could be informative to others. In death, as in life, she is an inspiration.
    Source
    Last edited by mobs00; 26-07-2009 at 10:15 AM.

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by mobs00 View Post
    Thinking that the son would be given ashes with bits of bone we were surprised to be greeted with a pile of bone on a metal tray


    We were given a plastic bag to collect the bones by hand
    My God.

    That is just awful.

  3. #3
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    a pile of bone on a metal tray
    didnt burn for long enough, the temple short-changed them on the firewood.

  4. #4
    Mmmm, Bowling......
    mobs00's Avatar
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    Christ, you guys are a laugh a minute. God forbid if anything ever happened to a loved one of yours here.....

  5. #5
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    We were told that my wife will have to go to the US Embassy for a letter as next of kin for the police for my disposal in Thailand, I will die at home I guess as most hospitals here will send you home to die if that is imminent.
    Pobly do not want a bunch of ghosts fucking off at the hospital.
    My wifes father died at home too, and it was a kind of natural thing to do I guess.
    His bones are in a box at home too, MiL didn't want to leave them at the Wat.
    My wife will keep my bones at home too, My face will be removed and tanned and made into a Girls bicycle seat cover.
    but the ashes will be put in her Douche and I will be run thru one last time.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nietzsche View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by mobs00 View Post
    Thinking that the son would be given ashes with bits of bone we were surprised to be greeted with a pile of bone on a metal tray


    We were given a plastic bag to collect the bones by hand
    My God.

    That is just awful.
    When my Father in Law died 3 months ago we burnt his body on a pile of wood. The next day the immediate family went back together and we all sifted through the remains of the fire and collected fragments of bones that remained. Mine are wrapped up in a tissue in my desk.
    News is what someone, somewhere is trying to suppress - everything else is just advertising.

  7. #7
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    anyone got an idea for the costs?

  8. #8
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    ^ Did you actually read the OP?

  9. #9
    Mmmm, Bowling......
    mobs00's Avatar
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    I went to a friend's funeral here in the north. He was hilltribe, Lahu I think, from China. Anyway the family did a similar thing. They had an open fire at the graveyard on the site where the headstone would be. They burnt the body and then after covered the site with a mound of dirt. During the cremation his favorite belongings (clothes, music, etc.) were also thrown on the fire so he could take them with him on his travels.

    That's why when you see Thai/Chinese graveyards there are mounds of dirt and usually a headstone. They don't actually bury the remains they just cover them up after the cremation.

  10. #10
    RIP
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    Did you actually read the OP?
    I did, but I don't think GtBH did..

    For the funeral and everything it cost us for fathers funeral a little over 100K baht. but he was BMOC at the village and we had over 500 people at one time.

    http://public.fotki.com/KevinN/fathers_funeral_pix/

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by MeMock View Post
    wrapped up in a tissue in my desk
    With the greatest of respect & all that, I find this a strange momento to keep of someone.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nietzsche
    Quote: We were given a plastic bag to collect the bones by hand My God. That is just awful. Nietzsche is online now Add to Nietzsche's Reputation Report Post
    not awful, just different.

  13. #13
    On a walkabout Loy Toy's Avatar
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    One of my very good, long time friends in Thailand requested from his hospital bed that he wanted to be with my family at my house and for his last days.

    He had been fighting cancer in hospital for well over a year and nearly every weekend for that period he had spent at home with us in Pattaya and I would drop him back in Bangkok on the Monday morning to recommence treatment.

    One Friday we had decided the treatment was not working and he wanted to be with us when he passed away of which we agreed.

    To say it was a horrible experience would be an understatement and when his organs stated to shut down but when he passed away (about 10 days after he stopped treatement) the real problems started.

    No hospital would claim the body until there was a police report lodged and when we got him down to Bangkok Pattaya hospital for embalmimg we were told that they could not legally do it so we had to take him to a different hospital about 1 KM away.

    Then the police wanted to investigate possible murder (I said FFS look at his colour) so I had to get faxed copies of the Bangkok doctor's report plus a document from the British Embassy.

    All of this was going on whilst my mate was cooking outside in the hospital car park.

    Then his relatives arrived a day later and wanted an open coffin and when I suggested that was not appropriate due to all the delays I was told to fvck off because I was not family. They soon changed their minds when they viewed his body.

    I would do it all again tomorrow for my mate but of course would make sure everything was in order. To die here and at home can be a complicated, horrible experience for those loved one's that are left behind.
    Last edited by Loy Toy; 26-07-2009 at 01:29 PM.

  14. #14
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    We will have everything in order you can be sure, but seeing I will be the only farang involved so no chance of making much money, they pobly won't fuck with the family much.

  15. #15
    loob lor geezer
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    Quote Originally Posted by blackgang View Post
    .....My face will be removed and tanned and made into a Girls bicycle seat cover.
    Just hope no katoeys get to borrow it eh ?

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nietzsche View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by MeMock View Post
    wrapped up in a tissue in my desk
    With the greatest of respect & all that, I find this a strange momento to keep of someone.
    It wasn't my idea but out of respect for my inlaws I agreed to it. I will bury it under a favourite tree of his that we will plant in our new garden soon.

  17. #17
    Member Rascal's Avatar
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    You do stand up comedy! Right!

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