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  1. #1
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    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Eating Pizza in Issan

    Having been raised in a world of jacket potatoes, baked beans and cheese, I sometimes feel the need to diversify my intake of sustenance and search beyond the realms of boiled rice. If one was to compare, in terms of culinary fortitude, a proud King Edward to a handful of basmati, an immediate mismatch would be called – the brute strength of the potato completely overshadowing its itty, bitty, shitty, BORING opponent. Actually, let’s further the comparison before I continue. No actually let’s not, I can’t be arsed.

    With a stomach rumbling to the point of triggering car alarms, I breached the village limits at an alarming pace and headed towards the relative sophistication of the nearest town with a view to gannet with unscrupulous ferocity the first thing I honed in on that resembled Western fare. Rice was simply out of the question today as the mere sight of it seemed to send me into of frenzy of revulsion – ‘I repel yee, satanic grain’.

    After stunting my appetite with half a dozen Wonder Daengs for breakfast, my approach into town featured much salivation as I began scouring the streets for signs of bread and butter or beef and onion or steak and kidney. I knew of one particular hotel which boasted promises of ‘A Real American Breakfast’ on its menu, but I had previously tried it and in turn had previously scrutinized the waiter with a look of bamboozled contempt – This, dear boy, is offensive. Locate your head chef, post haste, and stick this plate up his arse, sideways. No, the Real American Breakfast was certainly not on the agenda for today’s onslaught of piggory.

    Just as I was resigned to make the walk of shame into a nearby 7/11 and consol myself with five carrier bags of cheese burgers, I caught a fortunate glimpse of fluttering cloth – the cloth of an Italian flag. Now there’s a thing!

    Below the red, white and green stripes was a shop front which exclaimed in lettering the same colour as the flag – ‘Italian Pizzeria and Restaurant’.
    ‘MAMA TWATTING MIA’ I shouted triumphantly at a toothless old crone selling lottery tickets.

    With a hop, skip and an enthusiastic jump, I bounded towards the restaurant, licking my lips like a pasta crazed pervert and burst through the door.
    I was offered a menu which was surprisingly comprehensive in its choice; from salad to salmon, lamb to linguini and of course countless pizza options.


    After shooing the waiter off so I could further examine the menu without him breathing down my fucking neck, I concluded that I should dine on Pizza Bolognese – ‘succulent ground beef with tomato, cheese and peppers’ this to be served after I’d enjoyed my appetizer of Summer Salad – ‘the cheapest one on the menu’.

    I placed my order, issued instructions to the garcon to bring me a glass of iced water and sat at my table, foaming at the mouth in anticipation of my pending repast.
    The salad was served to me in record breaking time, which is never a good sign, but it looked edible enough and after a liberal dousing with the provided condiments; balsamic vinegar, olive oil and cracked black pepper, I ate it at an equally record breaking pace. Children’s eyes were covered by anxious parents who appeared troubled by the culinary convulsion which was now taking place on table number 7, and concerned waiters rallied around wiping stray splashes of Caesar salad dressing from windows and ceiling fans.


    My main course arrived after some 20 minutes. I’d ordered the medium which came in at a reasonable B165 and with everything seemingly in order upon the initial inspection, now came the time to taste. With a third of the pizza now churning around in my mouth I was able to conclude that the topping was of a ‘fair to good’ standard but I was a little disappointed with the base which I would have graded as a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10, far too thin and without any real oomph to its crunch.

    However, I continued feeding with enthusiasm, paid my bill which came to B255 and left, vowing that I will try everything on the menu before this coming Tuesday.

  2. #2
    Member isanmick's Avatar
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    ^^Sap NeuA

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by isanmick
    ^^Sap NeuA
    It definitely made a nice change but I couldn't help but to feel hungry again less than two hours later - I blame rice, for everything.

  4. #4
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    Did they have grilled eel topping on the menu?

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by OhOh
    Did they have grilled eel topping on the menu?
    I do hope that wasn't a reference to Egbert. Although they very well may have done..

  6. #6
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    That place sounds alright - a break from the normal diet in deepest darkest Issan.

    The price is okayish. Don't you have a 1112 in your area, Slaps? I thought that everyone had a 7/11 and a 1112...


  7. #7
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    Slappy. If one needs a fix without the thought of running off to the big city, give Staffords Foods a try. They deliver and I believe you're reasonably within the neighborhood, give a province or two.

    Staffords, Thailand - English Food, Imported Food, Pies, Pastries & Beverages

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bettyboo
    Don't you have a 1112 in your area, Slaps?
    Is that the Pizza Company Hotline? If so, yes we have one..but they don't deliver to the likes of we peasants..it's only 20 km's and they obviously have no idea of the fortune they'd make if they plucked up the guts to drive to the village..

  9. #9
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    That's a really big fork and plate or a really small pizza.

    Luckily we have a fine pizzeria right here in Buriram, Muang Pizza, give it a try if you are ever in this area.

  10. #10
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    ^ I might order one now... Do they deliver beer too...

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by OhOh
    Did they have grilled eel topping on the menu?
    I do hope that wasn't a reference to Egbert. Although they very well may have done..
    Some restaurants have to licence that if you bring your own "bottle" they will allow you to drink it on the premises for a small fee.

    I assumed in Issan there was a similar "arrangement" if you wanted an "exotic topping" on your pizza.
    A tray full of GOLD is not worth a moment in time.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Bettyboo
    Don't you have a 1112 in your area, Slaps?
    Is that the Pizza Company Hotline? If so, yes we have one..but they don't deliver to the likes of we peasants..it's only 20 km's and they obviously have no idea of the fortune they'd make if they plucked up the guts to drive to the village..
    Forgive me, but most pizza here takes on this very American way of how pizza should be [more shit is better]. Be it a commercial chain shop or a clever independent pizza entrepreneur....it's copy-cat homogeny.

    What frustrates me the most [not really], is that most are accepting of this learned style of pizza.

    Pizza, in it's true form, is a delicate and humble food based on a couple of quality items. True Italian or Greek style....not this overblown Anglo-American version that has taken over conscious'.

    I dare say, one could possibly find truer authentic pies on some hidden soi or three in BKK, CM, or Patters. I'm guessing a more sophisticated market might call for a real product, yes?

    Where did we go wrong? We don't even know what pizza is anymore, less our children.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rural Surin
    They deliver and I believe you're reasonably within the neighborhood, give a province or two.
    There's a bloke that posts on here who has a similar business in Korat which I've been meaning to try.



    Quote Originally Posted by Don Ho
    That's a really big fork and plate or a really small pizza.
    Yep, the fork was at least a foot long and the plate was the size of a dustbin lid..

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Rural Surin
    They deliver and I believe you're reasonably within the neighborhood, give a province or two.
    There's a bloke that posts on here who has a similar business in Korat which I've been meaning to try.
    This specialty "market" for particular Farang foods has grown leaps and bounds over the 8-10 years - especially regarding those throughout the hinterlands.

    These types of wholesale/retail/restaurant/delivery operations usually fare reasonably for those growing Farang-in-the-sticks populations.

    Good or bad - this type are everywhere now. Buriram, Korat, Roi Et, Sisaket, Ubon, Mukdahan, etc. Serving a niche....if you've the great desire for your old Farang cuisines. English-style pies are far and away the favs!

  15. #15
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    ^ lovely. Much better than that Thai crap...

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    RS if you find the place please post the address on here. I love pizza and have yet to find a good place. I live just outside of Korat.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bettyboo View Post
    ^ lovely. Much better than that Thai crap...
    Not really better. Opinions and taste will differ. Depends on your liking...

    Just passing on references and info to be helpful, knowning full-well that most resident Farang can't go a week without their beloved connection with home cuisines. Pussies.

    For me? No thanks. I'll take a raincheck...

  18. #18
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    Yep, up on the Cambo border with the snake curies and stir fried spider's eggs, the cuisine is quite a treat...

    Luckily for me, a new 24 hour restaurant has just opened up, but a short drive away:



    Packed out it is, with Thais...
    How do I post these pictures???

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Don Ho View Post
    That's a really big fork and plate or a really small pizza.



  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rural Surin
    This specialty "market" for particular Farang foods has grown leaps and bounds over the 8-10 years
    Thanks for prompting me, mate; been meaning to do it for a while...

    "Dear BettyBoo,
    Food By Phone Team created your account on the Food By Phone System. You can now log in with the following details:"


    Food By Phone

    I wasn't sure they delivered to me, as I'm a bit far out, but they do...

    Now, what to eat (and drink - lovely selection of beers...) tomorrow? Maybe a pizza out of respect for Mr Slaps...

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Yep, the fork was at least a foot long and the plate was the size of a dustbin lid..
    Only a pompous ass eats pizza with a fork





    Quote Originally Posted by Rural Surin
    Forgive me, but most pizza here takes on this very American way of how pizza should be
    Someone should open up a true Chicago deep dish pizza joint out there. They'd make a killing (two slices would feed a Thai family of five, or one average American.)

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rural Surin
    I'm guessing a more sophisticated market might call for a real product, yes?
    That maybe the problem

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Agent_Smith
    Only a pompous ass eats pizza with a fork
    The fork wasn't used..neither were my hands..I find face-first is the most efficient way of pizza chomping.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Agent_Smith
    Only a fat fucking farmer eats pizza.
    Well put Mr. Smith.

  25. #25
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    I had a good laugh in the part about "the culinary convulsion" taking place at table 7. Well put.

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