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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    The Thai Market Experience

    I've been spending an unhealthy amount of time loitering around Thai markets of late. I'm there in the capacity to provide moral support to the mrs whilst she battles against the elements, fiercely intent on serving the masses with SOUP..eat it, you must eat it you bastard people.
    When I say the elements, I of course mean any, repeat, ANY kind of weather that this country has to offer.
    It makes me laugh when people say 'Oh, I came here for the weather'..well,that may be, but you ended up with your knob in several hundred whores as well, didn't you.
    Nope, sorry, that one doesn't wash with me..YOU CAME HERE FOR THE WEATHER??? REALLY??? To be honest I can't think of a worse climate to live in, but maybe that's because I'm slaving over a hot stove in the middle of fucking April in a densely populated market place of an afternoon and evening.
    Firstly, you get the relentless post Songkran sun venomously eating away at your brain cells, so you end up walking about like spastic for the best part of the day. Then you have the onset of a fucking hurricane that comes in the form of extremely strong winds which up-root your stall and see it landing somewhere in southern Taiwan, and finally the rain, oh dear, oh dear, the fucking RAIN..

    In fact, whilst sheltering from a particularly inhumane bout of cloud urination I felt sufficiently moved enough to compose a little ditty..
    Simply reads like this.."Rain, rain, FUCK OFF..."

    Anyway, the reason I started this thread was to bring to light some of the finer aspects of the Thai market place, be they good or bad or just plain putrid.

    First port of call, which we've all no doubt seen if we live here, are the sadistic, sick, plain heartless fish toturer extraordinaires. These people (and of course I don't mean people, I mean distant descendants of a group of apes living by a small stream in Milawi) sit there, just fucking sit there while several dozen fish live out there remainder of their probably shit in the first place lives in a considerable amount of pain..slowly suffocating all because the vendors want to let the customers know they are fresh..pretty darn inhumane if you ask me.

    Next we have the old wench merticulously filling bags with kai mot deang or red ants eggs..they fly out quite quickly actually..she's raking it in at 30 baht a pop I'm telling thee..
    Last edited by somtamslap; 22-04-2011 at 01:54 PM.

  2. #2
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    I've so far refrained..not because I think they look grotesque, but because I found the lady selling them to be rather untoward and rude..


  3. #3
    Thailand Expat klong toey's Avatar
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    ^They are nice.the wife makes a lemon grass based soup out of them.

  4. #4
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by klong toey
    They are nice.the wife makes a lemon grass based soup out of them.
    Yes indeed, they're a delicacy, not to mention free if you know where to look.

  5. #5
    Days Work Done! Norton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    free if you know where to look.
    But not pain free.


  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    ^ That's what happens when you don't light a fire under the ant's nest..formaldehyde overload..

  7. #7
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    I don't do Thai markets.

  8. #8
    Can I still change this?
    Bogon's Avatar
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    I love walking up to the meat counter and waving my hand over the stall like Moses/Gandalf the Grey and parting the sea of flies to reveal a cut of pork.

  9. #9
    Have you got any cheese Thetyim's Avatar
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    ^
    Must be good pork.
    A million flies can't all be wrong

  10. #10
    Thailand Expat misskit's Avatar
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    When my friends come to Thailand, I must to take them to the Thai markets.

    The woman clubbing the frogs always makes an impression on visitors.

  11. #11
    Thailand Expat brettandlek's Avatar
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    Ha ha woman clubbing frogs, havent seen that. As for the pork, as i was growing up my mum was real particular about pork and chicken, well really all meats but more so them and was always real careful how she would store it cooked or uncooked and whatever they were sliced on was always thoroughly clean.
    Looking at the markets in Thailand and the state of the area the meat comes from, based on how i was dragged up, everyone in Thailand would be dead or at least real sick. My missus cooks a curry or a stir fry and leaves it on the stove over night and heats it again in the morning and leaves it on the stove during the day, we will eat it again the next night and then put it in the freezer (coz curries she cooks in bulk) and i was horrified at first but after trusting her instincts, i have never got sick from it, my mum is horrified byt it.

  12. #12
    Thailand Expat
    the dogcatcher's Avatar
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    I like the meat markets.
    Good one on Soi 6.

  13. #13
    Days Work Done! Norton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by misskit
    The woman clubbing the frogs always makes an impression on visitors.
    Especially on French friends.

  14. #14
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bogon
    I love walking up to the meat counter and waving my hand over the stall like Moses/Gandalf the Grey and parting the sea of flies to reveal a cut of pork.
    Good idea, could be onto a little earner there, bogie..

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by misskit View Post
    When my friends come to Thailand, I must to take them to the Thai markets.

    The woman clubbing the frogs always makes an impression on visitors.
    Kinda like in vietnam, but without skinning them alive then letting them hop about the place looking inside out. Which of course they are.

  16. #16
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chairman Mao
    Kinda like in vietnam, but without skinning them alive then letting them hop about the place looking inside out. Which of course they are.
    Nasty nips..

  17. #17
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    Of course they find it (and your disgust) hilarious.

  18. #18
    Thailand Expat
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    What you need is a Firework stall. All the fun and ever present danger to keep you awake.

    [URL="
    Last edited by OhOh; 22-04-2011 at 06:13 PM.

  19. #19
    Can I still change this?
    Bogon's Avatar
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    EDIT.

    Bollocked up my post and can't be bothered to rewrite it.

    Will come back when I have something worth typing.

    Black diamonds? I shit 'em.

  20. #20
    splendid and tremendous
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    Next on the agenda is what the locals refer to as karb moo or at least that's what it sounds like. This is essentially pork crackling and very morish indeed. In the larger markets you can expect to find at least two stalls selling the same product and they are frequently sold out and packing up before the other market traders have thought about getting out of the fucking car..

    These 20 baht bags of what is basically FAT will take a good few months of your existence but they make a nice little supplement to your evening stroll around the market, coupled with a can of chang of course..however, if you're really poor, you could buy a M150 bottle full of Ya Dong for 25 baht, neck it thirstily and make lewd comments to random vendors whilst surreptitiously freeing your testicles from the thread bare boxer shorts you've chosen to don for this particular excursion..

    Odd..you may muse..but it happens, it happens way too often to be coincidence..I call them the 'Ya Dong Bollock Brigade'..

    Anyhow, here's some fat being cooked in some more fat..or karb moo, if you will..


  21. #21
    Thailand Expat brettandlek's Avatar
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    555 fat in more fat. Missus say "Karg" moo, well that also what i understood.

  22. #22
    Can I still change this?
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    ^ Can't tell from the pic, but from the description it should be Kab Moo (แคบหมู) or narrow pork if you directly translate it.

    Now that's done. Keep it coming somtamslap.................

  23. #23
    Thailand Expat brettandlek's Avatar
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    Like i say as did Somtamslap thats how i understood her.
    They are funny fuckers really, if you talk on a forum or something and they know about it, they are not in a hurry to share things with you because they know that other farang may talk with their wife or girl friend or partner and depending on what the subject we and how it started her reply may be wrong, therefore losing face. Oh hard work!

  24. #24
    Newbie thommo46's Avatar
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    Just got back from Thailand and while there had a BBQ at farm in Huai Thalaeng , other eastern side of Nakon Ratchasima. I took with we prime australian rump stake , pork fillets , prawns and chicken fillets from the markets and my good wife's brother threw in some Lumsi Moo (ลำไส้) , which looked like sausage skin filled with marbles . Si Moo I found out is pigs intestine. Bon apertite.
    Last edited by thommo46; 27-04-2011 at 07:10 AM.

  25. #25
    splendid and tremendous
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    ^ Sounds like a nice little feast that..I'll get this thread back on track when I can be arsed to provide moral support for the mrs again..been a tad lazy of late.

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