Thread: Thai Catering 101: Hygiene

I just made the fundamental error of watching my lunch being prepared in a small, dank, horrendously unkempt but at the same time, very popular with the local farmers, Issan cookery emporium..

This elementary mistake..(newbie error, really..textbook school boy fuck up) will not be repeated in the remainder of my stay here, simply because I don't want to starve to death.

I implore you, the reader of this non-ficticious observation, to do the same. Never ever monitor the progress of your pending repast, it's almost an irredeemable source of trauma..infact, as I type, I'm involuntarily convulsing and gagging simultaneously.

First up was the pad krapow nor mai, sai kai dao MAI SOOK (fried bamboo with pork, basil and a runny fried egg).

All ingredients were handled with unwashed hands, plonked unlovingly into a wok which had just been the focal point of rotten fish supper the same oil and same utensils being used. The top of several sauce bottles were then fucking BITTEN off by the culinary master preparing my grub, spat out, then bottles up turned and violently shaken until an unmeasured flow graced the frying pan.

My egg, which was specifically ordered to be presented to me looking like an egg and not the charred remains of a chicken's arsehole, was subsequently butchered in a frying pan full of black oil and placed with HANDS on top of my bamboo and pork..fucking hell, Gordon Ramsey would wanking over this shit.

Then came the som tum...surely you can't burn this or fuck this up..all was going swimmingly until I realized she was using the same mortar to prepare normal som tum and the horrible rotten crabs and fish..so my salad would no doubt taste the same.
Then to top things off quite beautifully, the chef took a wanking great gob full of my salad with the spoon she was mixing it with and carried on with the task at hand using the same fucking spoon.

I feel ill..

McDonalds might be a safer bet in future..

Originally Posted by somtamslap

McDonalds might be a safer bet in future

Maybe not. Customers not allowed in kitchen. Lord knows what goes on in there. As you say, best advice stay away from the kitchen. Ignorance is bliss.

wash it down with the local brew take the taste out of your mouth

Compared to India, I wouldn't complain.

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Then to top things off quite beautifully, the chef took a wanking great gob full of my salad with the spoon she was mixing it with and carried on with the task at hand using the same fucking spoon.

What do you expect from people who wipe the shite from their arseholes with their own fingers and then sloose them off in a bucket of water that every other kunt has been dipping their shite laden finger into, then think that cleans them, how many bars of soap have you seen in a Thai bog
Every one of us that has eaten food in Thailand has been eating Thai shite

Arroy makmak

Originally Posted by Sdigit

What do you expect from people who wipe the shite from their arseholes with their own fingers

I don't think they bother..don't they just pull their cacks up and go about their day with a shitty ring piece..?

If I'm in doubt and the place has a microwave oven, I ask them to heat it very hot, or better yet if I can get to the over I heat it myself or take it home and microwave it there. It wastes time for the food to cool again, but I've managed to convince myself this provides some protection from the guy who has not touched soap between his last crap and the time he prepares my lunch.

Just a suggestion!

microwaves are a big problem, my missus used to cook in a little farang place, i used to go in the kitchen to watch, if some poor bugger ordered a cheeseburger she would take the frozen pack out of the freezer, microwave it to loosen the individual burgers , split one free, then freeze the pack again, you can imagine how lively that last burger is gonna be, put you in hospital

did the same with the prawns, took a big group out, microwave them to allow her to split half a dozen free then put the rest back in the freezer

tried to explain you cannot refreeze once they have been zapped but she just said this is how the boss does it, don't let her near my microwave at home, this must go on in countless restaurants, be warned

so apart from all the you bewt pathogens that were freely added...how was the scran?

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Originally Posted by Sdigit

What do you expect from people who wipe the shite from their arseholes with their own fingers

I don't think they bother..don't they just pull their cacks up and go about their day with a shitty ring piece..?

That would actually be preferable.

Originally Posted by nedwalk

how was the scran?

It was alright actually..although I did bolt it down fucking lively cos I didn't want to think about what I'd just seen.

Carrion (from the Latin "caro", meaning "meat") refers to the carcass of a dead animal.

That's my other explantion of the food they eat....cook it bitch FFS....oh nad change the fucking oil...

Thai people smart

Originally Posted by Mr R Sole

...I have to go out of the room...

That cha-om shite tastes as bad as it smells..accidentally took a mouthful of omlette laced with it before..gagged my way out of the room and into the carsy..fooking foul..

Originally Posted by capello

microwaves are a big problem, my missus used to cook in a little farang place, i used to go in the kitchen to watch, if some poor bugger ordered a cheeseburger she would take the frozen pack out of the freezer, microwave it to loosen the individual burgers , split one free, then freeze the pack again, you can imagine how lively that last burger is gonna be, put you in hospital

did the same with the prawns, took a big group out, microwave them to allow her to split half a dozen free then put the rest back in the freezer

tried to explain you cannot refreeze once they have been zapped but she just said this is how the boss does it, don't let her near my microwave at home, this must go on in countless restaurants, be warned

If I had not already lived here 5 years, I would find this hard to believe. Absolutely disgusting.
Last month, I was at the Saturday night buffet at one of the 5 star hotels in Silom, and the guy in the white chef's suit, who was working the meat carving station decided to wash his hands in the little tub of water that was there for the ice cream scoops. I had really been looking forward to having ice cream with some of their 50 toppings for desert. So what should I expect for 1800 baht a person?

Originally Posted by BobR

So what should I expect for 1800 baht a person?

A chef who has half a brain would be nice.

Originally Posted by Mr R Sole

I think they resemble these poor folks...except down syndrome are able to have a mental age far higher than this sorry bunch of fuckards

I've seen very few thai's with down's syndrome. I think you are confusing it with another condition called foetal alcohol syndrome, which I see a lot of:



And don't forget that the government is so conserved about the number of cretins in thailand they are considering making the fortification of salt with iodine mandatory.

Originally Posted by BobR

So what should I expect for 1800 baht a person?

A refund, and then follow your own advice; microwave the icecream, complete with metal scoop spoon.
That'll learn the dirty bastard.

I can't think why I don't eat in these places...

This is a shot that I took at a Rayong market not far from where we lived.I don't know what this is but I do know it's not something I would want to try.

^
It looks like something a cormorant vomited up.

^^But is it any worse than Surströmming, civet coffee, cheese and durian. one persons shit is another persons delicacy.

^
Shite is shite the world over, people bought up on a diet of shite will consider it normal or even a delicacy, but that doesn't stop their cuisine being shite, it just means that eating shite is their cultural norm, nowhere in the world, with the possible exception of China, is this more true than in Issan