Results 1 to 24 of 24
  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 03:41 PM
    Location
    Down on the farm
    Posts
    13,586

    Thai Catering 101: Hygiene

    I just made the fundamental error of watching my lunch being prepared in a small, dank, horrendously unkempt but at the same time, very popular with the local farmers, Issan cookery emporium..

    This elementary mistake..(newbie error, really..textbook school boy fuck up) will not be repeated in the remainder of my stay here, simply because I don't want to starve to death.

    I implore you, the reader of this non-ficticious observation, to do the same. Never ever monitor the progress of your pending repast, it's almost an irredeemable source of trauma..infact, as I type, I'm involuntarily convulsing and gagging simultaneously.

    First up was the pad krapow nor mai, sai kai dao MAI SOOK (fried bamboo with pork, basil and a runny fried egg).

    All ingredients were handled with unwashed hands, plonked unlovingly into a wok which had just been the focal point of rotten fish supper the same oil and same utensils being used. The top of several sauce bottles were then fucking BITTEN off by the culinary master preparing my grub, spat out, then bottles up turned and violently shaken until an unmeasured flow graced the frying pan.

    My egg, which was specifically ordered to be presented to me looking like an egg and not the charred remains of a chicken's arsehole, was subsequently butchered in a frying pan full of black oil and placed with HANDS on top of my bamboo and pork..fucking hell, Gordon Ramsey would wanking over this shit.

    Then came the som tum...surely you can't burn this or fuck this up..all was going swimmingly until I realized she was using the same mortar to prepare normal som tum and the horrible rotten crabs and fish..so my salad would no doubt taste the same.
    Then to top things off quite beautifully, the chef took a wanking great gob full of my salad with the spoon she was mixing it with and carried on with the task at hand using the same fucking spoon.

    I feel ill..

    McDonalds might be a safer bet in future..

  2. #2
    Days Work Done! Norton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Roiet
    Posts
    29,814
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    McDonalds might be a safer bet in future
    Maybe not. Customers not allowed in kitchen. Lord knows what goes on in there. As you say, best advice stay away from the kitchen. Ignorance is bliss.

  3. #3
    Thailand Expat
    bobo746's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Last Online
    24-01-2019 @ 09:21 AM
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    14,326
    wash it down with the local brew take the taste out of your mouth

  4. #4
    Thailand Expat superman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Last Online
    30-03-2013 @ 10:45 AM
    Location
    Somewhere over the rainbow
    Posts
    4,655
    Compared to India, I wouldn't complain.

  5. #5
    Thailand Expat
    Stinky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Next door to digit
    Posts
    11,170
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Then to top things off quite beautifully, the chef took a wanking great gob full of my salad with the spoon she was mixing it with and carried on with the task at hand using the same fucking spoon.
    What do you expect from people who wipe the shite from their arseholes with their own fingers and then sloose them off in a bucket of water that every other kunt has been dipping their shite laden finger into, then think that cleans them, how many bars of soap have you seen in a Thai bog
    Every one of us that has eaten food in Thailand has been eating Thai shite

    Arroy makmak

  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 03:41 PM
    Location
    Down on the farm
    Posts
    13,586
    Quote Originally Posted by Sdigit
    What do you expect from people who wipe the shite from their arseholes with their own fingers
    I don't think they bother..don't they just pull their cacks up and go about their day with a shitty ring piece..?

  7. #7
    Thailand Expat
    BobR's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Last Online
    25-05-2019 @ 12:56 PM
    Posts
    7,760
    If I'm in doubt and the place has a microwave oven, I ask them to heat it very hot, or better yet if I can get to the over I heat it myself or take it home and microwave it there. It wastes time for the food to cool again, but I've managed to convince myself this provides some protection from the guy who has not touched soap between his last crap and the time he prepares my lunch.

    Just a suggestion!

  8. #8
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Last Online
    13-01-2014 @ 11:12 AM
    Posts
    141
    microwaves are a big problem, my missus used to cook in a little farang place, i used to go in the kitchen to watch, if some poor bugger ordered a cheeseburger she would take the frozen pack out of the freezer, microwave it to loosen the individual burgers , split one free, then freeze the pack again, you can imagine how lively that last burger is gonna be, put you in hospital

    did the same with the prawns, took a big group out, microwave them to allow her to split half a dozen free then put the rest back in the freezer

    tried to explain you cannot refreeze once they have been zapped but she just said this is how the boss does it, don't let her near my microwave at home, this must go on in countless restaurants, be warned

  9. #9
    Thailand Expat nedwalk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Last Online
    06-07-2016 @ 05:28 PM
    Location
    sunshine coast
    Posts
    7,710
    so apart from all the you bewt pathogens that were freely added...how was the scran?

  10. #10
    Thailand Expat
    Stinky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Next door to digit
    Posts
    11,170
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Sdigit
    What do you expect from people who wipe the shite from their arseholes with their own fingers
    I don't think they bother..don't they just pull their cacks up and go about their day with a shitty ring piece..?
    That would actually be preferable.

  11. #11
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 03:41 PM
    Location
    Down on the farm
    Posts
    13,586
    Quote Originally Posted by nedwalk
    how was the scran?
    It was alright actually..although I did bolt it down fucking lively cos I didn't want to think about what I'd just seen.

  12. #12
    Noone here gets out alive
    Mr R Sole's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Last Online
    20-03-2013 @ 03:14 PM
    Location
    The back of beyond..on the bloody PC by the looks of it!!
    Posts
    2,042
    Quote Originally Posted by superman
    Compared to India, I wouldn't complain.
    Shit the places I visited in India were excellent...never got a dick gut ever..Bizaare, I really must get out more

    Quote Originally Posted by Sdigit
    What do you expect from people who wipe the shite from their arseholes with their own fingers and then sloose them off in a bucket of water that every other kunt has been dipping their shite laden finger into, then think that cleans them, how many bars of soap have you seen in a Thai bog
    Horrendous aren't they...wonder that species has survivied this long..hang on if you see and smell what they eat then...a rancid turd laden finder in your food is probably quite nutrtious...revolting lot..
    I include my Mrs in that as well...she eat some shit every now and again...I have to go out of the room...

    Quote Originally Posted by Sdigit
    Every one of us that has eaten food in Thailand has been eating Thai shite
    Oh the joyous thoughts I have just had...at least my wife is well trained...not shit fingers with my food...

    Quote Originally Posted by Sdigit
    Arroy makmak
    Is it fucking really???....I don't think so Somchai....you fucktard..I will go home and either get the Mrs to cook or starve....and I could do with losing the weight to be honest...

    Another thing why is it that Thai's only have such a limited vocabulary...Here we go...

    Q1:Aroi mai
    A: Aroi mak
    Q2:Suay mai
    A2:Suay (optional mak..maybe even mak mak- said in a stupid high tone)
    Q3:Kin khao yang
    A3:Kin leau/Kin yang
    Q4:Bai Nai
    A4:Bai talad...or Gap Ban...fucking never anything else...



    I think they resemble these poor folks...except down syndrome are able to have a mental age far higher than this sorry bunch of fuckards
    There are no strangers here, just friends you haven't met yet.

  13. #13
    Noone here gets out alive
    Mr R Sole's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Last Online
    20-03-2013 @ 03:14 PM
    Location
    The back of beyond..on the bloody PC by the looks of it!!
    Posts
    2,042
    Carrion (from the Latin "caro", meaning "meat") refers to the carcass of a dead animal.

    That's my other explantion of the food they eat....cook it bitch FFS....oh nad change the fucking oil...

  14. #14
    Member Dick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    517
    Thai people smart

  15. #15
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 03:41 PM
    Location
    Down on the farm
    Posts
    13,586
    Quote Originally Posted by Mr R Sole
    ...I have to go out of the room...
    That cha-om shite tastes as bad as it smells..accidentally took a mouthful of omlette laced with it before..gagged my way out of the room and into the carsy..fooking foul..

  16. #16
    Thailand Expat
    BobR's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Last Online
    25-05-2019 @ 12:56 PM
    Posts
    7,760
    Quote Originally Posted by capello View Post
    microwaves are a big problem, my missus used to cook in a little farang place, i used to go in the kitchen to watch, if some poor bugger ordered a cheeseburger she would take the frozen pack out of the freezer, microwave it to loosen the individual burgers , split one free, then freeze the pack again, you can imagine how lively that last burger is gonna be, put you in hospital

    did the same with the prawns, took a big group out, microwave them to allow her to split half a dozen free then put the rest back in the freezer

    tried to explain you cannot refreeze once they have been zapped but she just said this is how the boss does it, don't let her near my microwave at home, this must go on in countless restaurants, be warned
    If I had not already lived here 5 years, I would find this hard to believe. Absolutely disgusting.
    Last month, I was at the Saturday night buffet at one of the 5 star hotels in Silom, and the guy in the white chef's suit, who was working the meat carving station decided to wash his hands in the little tub of water that was there for the ice cream scoops. I had really been looking forward to having ice cream with some of their 50 toppings for desert. So what should I expect for 1800 baht a person?

  17. #17
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 03:41 PM
    Location
    Down on the farm
    Posts
    13,586
    Quote Originally Posted by BobR
    So what should I expect for 1800 baht a person?
    A chef who has half a brain would be nice.

  18. #18
    euston has flown

    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Last Online
    10-06-2016 @ 03:12 AM
    Posts
    6,978
    Quote Originally Posted by Mr R Sole
    I think they resemble these poor folks...except down syndrome are able to have a mental age far higher than this sorry bunch of fuckards
    I've seen very few thai's with down's syndrome. I think you are confusing it with another condition called foetal alcohol syndrome, which I see a lot of:



    And don't forget that the government is so conserved about the number of cretins in thailand they are considering making the fortification of salt with iodine mandatory.

  19. #19
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Last Online
    03-07-2019 @ 12:41 PM
    Location
    The Felcher Memorial Home.
    Posts
    14,249
    Quote Originally Posted by BobR
    So what should I expect for 1800 baht a person?

    A refund, and then follow your own advice; microwave the icecream, complete with metal scoop spoon.
    That'll learn the dirty bastard.

  20. #20
    Thailand Expat
    Marmite the Dog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    08-09-2014 @ 10:43 AM
    Location
    Simian Islands
    Posts
    34,827
    I can't think why I don't eat in these places...

  21. #21
    Member

    Join Date
    May 2010
    Last Online
    07-03-2019 @ 07:28 PM
    Posts
    326

    This is a shot that I took at a Rayong market not far from where we lived.I don't know what this is but I do know it's not something I would want to try.

  22. #22
    Thailand Expat
    Stinky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Next door to digit
    Posts
    11,170
    ^
    It looks like something a cormorant vomited up.

  23. #23
    euston has flown

    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Last Online
    10-06-2016 @ 03:12 AM
    Posts
    6,978
    ^^But is it any worse than Surströmming, civet coffee, cheese and durian. one persons shit is another persons delicacy.

  24. #24
    Thailand Expat
    Stinky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Next door to digit
    Posts
    11,170
    ^
    Shite is shite the world over, people bought up on a diet of shite will consider it normal or even a delicacy, but that doesn't stop their cuisine being shite, it just means that eating shite is their cultural norm, nowhere in the world, with the possible exception of China, is this more true than in Issan

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •