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  1. #1
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    Help withnallstoke get wankered.

    Next week, i intend to start a beer homebrew kit, and as i have never tried this before, could do with a bit of help and advice from the alcoholics that frequent this board. The motivation behind deciding to try a brew is that i have become sick of drinking Thai or imported lagers. They taste shit, and will eventually turn a man into a raving poofter.
    The kit i have requires only the addition of sugar and water, and is supposed to be a "full bodied bitter" that will put hairs on your chest and your bollocks back between your legs.



    The plan is to buy a black plastic bin (only available in black), with a lid. I will skewer a hole in the lid big enough to fit a 2 foot lenght of tube into, which will feed into a bottle of water (the water trap). The bin itself will be stood in a bowl of water to prevent climbing insects/ants from getting into it, the water trap is for the same reoson. The lid i will seal with plasticine, to keep out insects. Sterilisation of equipment i will use a powder and water mix that is sold in chemists to sterilise baby feeding bottles, as this is supposedely no rinse, and no after taste. Still no idea on how to bottle it though, as screw tops are apparently a no go, cant get grolsch around here, and there is no supplier of corks etc. Bit stumped on that.

    Absolutely any advice will be welcomed. The purchase of any specialist kit will have to wait untill i am next in Bangers.
    Cheers.

  2. #2
    The Pikey Hunter
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    Still no idea on how to bottle it though, as screw tops are apparently a no go, cant get grolsch around here, and there is no supplier of corks etc. Bit stumped on that.
    Drink the lot in one session straight out of the bin. Problem solved.

  3. #3
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbil
    Drink the lot in one session straight out of the bin.
    yes - a bin big enough to pickle yourself in would be recommended

  4. #4
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbil
    Drink the lot in one session straight out of the bin. Problem solved.
    That is a possibility.


    Quote Originally Posted by baldrick
    yes - a bin big enough to pickle yourself in would be recommended
    It's only a 40 pint kit. I'll have to go in head first.

  5. #5
    Mid
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    cleanliness is next to godliness .

  6. #6
    Boxed Member
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    Carefull which black bin you buy.....some are made from recylced poisons buckets and some others are made from a black pe that is also poisonous, or not healthy for water to pass through.

    The PE irrigation pipes, same same....one is ok, the other is unhealthy as it gives of whatever contaminants as it passes through.

    But guess you wont notice if you pissd.
    I like poisoning my neighbours dogs till they die cos I'm a cnut

  7. #7
    Mid
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    hey there Back in Australia, screw top bottles were just about all I used for my home brews.

    People here in the USA warn me against using them - risk of poor or no seal, and therefore no carbonation.

    I tried a single screwtop amongst my last brew, and it popped opened nicely with a tight, crisp release of gas, and the beer was carbonated.

    What`s the deal - seams OK to me??

    I can`t imagine there`s a vast difference between screw top bottles between here and back home...

    Anybody else in the USA use them with no trouble?

    http://www.drinksplanet.com/using-sc...s-3228010.html

    disclaimer : beware of the odd one exploding

  8. #8
    loob lor geezer
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mid View Post
    cleanliness is next to godliness .
    Absolutely. When I was teaching here ( the shame ) i brought two of these kits from the U.K. The result first time was excellent. This I put down to the fact that when it had finished fermenting ( in a couple of those large skrew top water containers that you can have delivered ) and the time came to transfer the brew we used 1 litre glass bottles of Nam Thip water with a very good screw top. The water from these bottles was what we used to make the beer and befrore we bottled it we put a level tablespoon of sugar into each bottle, put clingfilm around the top then screwed the tops down tight and shut them in a dark cupboard in an air conditioned room to ferment some more.
    A week later when we unskrewed one to test it mide a lovely hiss as the pressure rushed out and we got a very good head on it. Strong stuff too thanks to the extra bit of sugar.

    Everything used was sterile and the I was well pleased with the result.

    The next batch I did in the ex wifes village in Isaan. Couldn't reproduce the sterile conditions and the beer was a bit flat with no head. Still....it was drinkable.

    Anyway, goodluck with it WNS ......... it's a learning curve.

  9. #9
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mid
    cleanliness is next to godliness .
    Seems to be a must with the brewing.


    Quote Originally Posted by Nawty
    Carefull which black bin you buy.....some are made from recylced poisons buckets and some others are made from a black pe that is also poisonous, or not healthy for water to pass through.
    Cheers Nawty, wasn't aware of that.


    Quote Originally Posted by Bangyai
    a couple of those large skrew top water containers that you can have delivered
    That was my first idea, which after reading the above is what i will do. Thanks.
    I'll have a look around for the screw top glass waterbottles as well.

  10. #10
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    When you've made it freeze out the water.
    Now we're talking about getting wankered.

  11. #11
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    change ,,and drink wine. fok the crap beer .
    tho bottled chiang draught beer is good.
    believe me.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    The purchase of any specialist kit will have to wait untill i am next in Bangers.
    You'll be lucky to find anything there.

    I have a pukka carboy and bottle capper (with caps) if you want them. PM me.

    The baby sterilising solution is fine.

  13. #13
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    ALCOHOL, FERMENTATION, BREWING & DISTILLATION FOR EXPATRIATES
    FEATURES - ALCOHOL INDEX - EXPATS.org.uk

  14. #14
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    Yeah plastic soft drink bottles are the best.

    The 1.25 litre withthe 3 dimple legs was the perfect size and and dregs stayed in them.

    We had great brews from stouts to lagers.

    The 2 things are clean clean clean and the longer you leave them the nicer they are.

    We had up to 100l going at atime and never had a screw cap soft drink bottle go, even on our 'experimental' brews that would have exploded glass bottles the pressure just popped out the area between the legs ....

    Mark

  15. #15
    Dislocated Member

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mid View Post
    cleanliness is next to godliness .
    Only in an Irish dictionary.

  16. #16
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog
    The baby sterilising solution is fine.
    That's good to know. Any specific brand reccomendation? (pm on its way).


    Quote Originally Posted by Katana
    We had up to 100l going at atime and never had a screw cap soft drink bottle go, even on our 'experimental' brews that would have exploded glass bottles the pressure just popped out the area between the legs .
    Again, good to know. The popping out between the legs isn't referring to testicles i presume.
    Cheers all.

  17. #17
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Just looking at that beer site Gipsy. Thanks.

  18. #18
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    befrore we bottled it we put a level tablespoon of sugar into each bottle, put clingfilm around the top then screwed the tops down tight and shut them in a dark cupboard in an air conditioned room to ferment some more.
    Please take great care when reading and follwing instuctions regarding the addition of sugar at any point in the process.
    I made some draught bitter in a 5 gallon keg with a tap on it.
    At some point i needed to add 2 0oz of sugar. It was late and i was just back from the pub.
    The brew would simply not clear no matter how much finings i added.
    At my eldest lads first birthday party everyone got absolutely caned on the stuff.
    My mother had to carry my dad to the car after he had just 3 half pint glasses.
    I had added 2 lbs of sugar by mistake, and made the brew much more powerful than was intended.
    Heart of Gold and a Knob of butter.

  19. #19
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by chassamui
    My mother had to carry my dad to the car after he had just 3 half pint glasses.


    The instructions explain to mix a sugar and water solution, and put 3 teaspoons into a litre bottle.

    Is it important to keep the bottled beer at a low temperature?

  20. #20
    Thailand Expat HermantheGerman's Avatar
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    Why not try making some fruit wine with all that excellent fruit in Thailand.
    I once made some Orange Schnaps with Turbo yeast. While it was fermenting, bubbling away into alcohol, I couldn't resist the smell. I opened up the barrel and poured myself a half liter , another half , another half and another half...I fell off the chair.

    Great taste and it gets you where you wann go.

  21. #21
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    that i have become sick of drinking Thai or imported lagers.
    ..read: Lau Kau...

    Why have you got a home brewing kit?? I want a fucking home brewing kit..

  22. #22
    SiamLovinIt
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    Hygiene as others say paramount,temp control will aid storage the dark cupboard.havent made since a student and the ease f makng v strong was compulsive.Resist and make double quantites at 4% and youll enjoy something better than Archa etc
    Stout is trickier while Lager types improve with age
    If friends can vist OZ Uk US brew shops some Goldings or fuggles hops will give that spcial brewsters dry finish
    Good luck beware using Grolsch or thin milk type bottls on top of wardrobe next to your bed !They may ejaculate prematurely or worse explode

    Guess how I know !

  23. #23
    Mid
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    Seems to be a must with the brewing.
    not only the brewing but bottles and bottling also and yes MtD's point about baby bottle sterilization power is valid .

  24. #24
    Member Mad Hatter's Avatar
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    Beer name please?

    And what pray are you going to name this salacious beverage?
    [as and when it is completed - if it ever is]

    May I suggest:
    Wankers Wobbly Knob bitter
    Withnall's Flaccid Penis Facilitator
    Chumphoon Special Brew
    Somtamslap's Northern Star Delight

    I am sure other TD members will be able to furnish much more suitable names for your brewing endeavours - you could even have a competition. The best name suggested gets a bottle of your brew, the runner up would get two bottles.
    Honi soit qui mal y pense

  25. #25
    Thailand Expat
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    Milton is a good no taint cleaner.
    Kilmer jars are excellent for bottles.
    Honey is good for strength and taste.
    Make sure you clean all equipment after use too, wild yeast is a bastard to get rid of.
    A diary is good too, if you gat a real good brew you want to remember what you did and when.
    Dont overdo finings (fish product) if it wont settle try a soluble asprin.

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