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  1. #1
    Balls to Monty
    Looper's Avatar
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    The Blokes' Cookery Thread

    OK its not really cookery but nice meals you can make that require less than the statutory 1 minute and 30s allowable blokes' preparation time.

    Today:-

    Cheesy Mexican Beanz Dip

    Tip the heinz mexican beanz into the bowl.

    Slice the cheese and stand it up in the beanz.



    Microwave for 3 minutes (does not count as preparation time since you can read teakdoor while that is happening).



    Garnish with Doritos.

    Et viola!
    Attached Images Attached Images

  2. #2
    Custom user
    Neverna's Avatar
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    Chitty will be along shortly to add some quality blokes' cooking to the thread.

  3. #3
    Utopian Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neverna View Post
    Chitty will be along shortly to add some quality blokes' cooking to the thread.
    Funnily enough I had an absolute disaster even by my standards yesterday.

    Spanish Tortilla. .
    20190224_140209.jpg
    Can someone do the honours?
    BTW it's not for the faint hearted

  4. #4
    weirdo SKkin's Avatar
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    oh my goodness...

    Quote Originally Posted by Chittychangchang View Post
    Funnily enough I had an absolute disaster even by my standards yesterday.

    Spanish Tortilla. .

    Can someone do the honours?
    BTW it's not for the faint hearted

  5. #5
    Thailand Expat

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chittychangchang View Post
    Funnily enough I had an absolute disaster even by my standards yesterday.

    Spanish Tortilla. .

    Can someone do the honours?
    BTW it's not for the faint hearted
    Ha ha !

    Burnt bits and runny eggs all on one plate! Marvellous stuff, Chitty!

  6. #6
    Utopian Expat
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    It got stuck in the pan when I tried to flip it over.
    I wasted a dozen eggs, a potato and a pack of bacon on that experiment

  7. #7
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    A culinary masterpiece Chitty

  8. #8
    Thailand Expat

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    Starting with a tin of soup and some cheese, this thread should be about conservancy, instead of cookery.

    Somtam slap?

  9. #9
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chittychangchang View Post
    It got stuck in the pan when I tried to flip it over.
    I wasted a dozen eggs, a potato and a pack of bacon on that experiment
    Bang that pic up on RateMyPlate, might get a few thousand comments

  10. #10
    Utopian Expat
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    If at first you don't succeed. ..
    Served with some a crispy pan, aeoli , Canarian potatoes and Tabasca sauce. ..yummy.
    Carn't wait for the real deal

  11. #11
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    Never mind the presentation, Chitty. So long as it tasted good. That's the main thing.

  12. #12
    ความรู้ลึกลับ HuangLao's Avatar
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    Oh dear....

  13. #13
    Utopian Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neverna View Post
    Never mind the presentation, Chitty. So long as it tasted good. That's the main thing.
    It went in the bin , had to open all the windows in the house to expell the pungent aroma.

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat Dillinger's Avatar
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    Right.

    Chop up a cow

    Realised the slow cooker wasnt big enough for all that meat

    Whilst browning the meat find a woman to chop the onions, garlic, spuds and carrots


    Get your woman to make a few cups of stock whilst your sprinkling all this in..




    Then piss off down the pub for 8 hours

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger View Post
    Right. Chop up a cow. Then piss off down the pub for 8 hours
    Dill, what is it? we're blokes and don't do guesses, is it a one pot sunday roast?

    PS

    Do you want me to bring out my old 5 Litre slow cooker, that thimble gets me twitchy everytime i see it.

  16. #16
    Thailand Expat Dillinger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NamPikToot View Post
    Dill, what is it?
    Beef, beef stock, carrots, potatoes, onion.

    Its not a chicken chasseur is it

  17. #17
    Thailand Expat Dillinger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NamPikToot View Post
    Do you want me to bring out my old 5 Litre slow cooker, that thimble gets me twitchy everytime i see it.
    No, you fat fuck. 500 grams of beef and 600 grams of potatoes, carrots and dumplings is plenty enough for two meals for a svelte guy like me.

  18. #18
    Thailand Expat Dillinger's Avatar
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    5 star chicken and Heinz mustard pickle lunch

  19. #19
    'ello 'ello 'ello Luigi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger View Post
    chop the onions
    A tip for any fellow homosexuals, I don me full-face motorbike helmet while doing this. Works a treat and cracks up the kid.

  20. #20
    Thailand Expat AntRobertson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger View Post
    5 star chicken and Heinz mustard pickle lunch

    Reminiscent of my own famous chicken sangers...




    ...Except I don't have the mustard pickle.

    Or the bread. Or the skin on the chicken. Boiled chicken, it's boiled chicken...

  21. #21
    'ello 'ello 'ello Luigi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Headworx View Post
    I'd like to hear of some fool-proof way to stop eye burn when cutting and cooking onions.
    Get the Mrs to do it.


    My full-face motorbike helmet for chopping, and a nuclear powered extraction fan and 3 meter long spatula for cooking, works for me.



    Quote Originally Posted by Headworx View Post
    Fuck off and take your paragraphs with you
    555

    It doesn't take much slicing to get the paragraphs flowing.

  22. #22
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    just found this reddit - might be good for chitty for some ideas

    https://www.reddit.com/r/GifRecipes/



    http://thumbs.gfycat.com/PalatableCr...use-mobile.mp4

  23. #23
    Thailand Expat
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    Obviously being a manly man I get the misses to chop onions, I forget which way round it is that she swears by as in either just breathe through your nose or mouth when chopping onions and no watery eyes, think it's your mouth.

  24. #24
    Thailand Expat AntRobertson's Avatar
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    I'll bookmark this thread and comment more next week when I'm flying solo, bachelor stylez, and eating cold baked beans out of the tin whilst sitting in my underwear and sobbing uncontrollably*...






















    *That last bit was a 'joke' for me fan-club. I will be eating dinner in my skiddies though.

  25. #25
    'ello 'ello 'ello Luigi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by buriramboy View Post
    Obviously being a manly man I get the misses to chop onions, I forget which way round it is that she swears by as in either just breathe through your nose or mouth when chopping onions and no watery eyes, think it's your mouth.
    My sister wore contact lenses and she wasn't affected.

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