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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    The Egg Mayonnaise Memoirs

    Bring water to the boil.

    Add eggs. 4 large eggs. The fresher the better. I would say free range but I think battery hens are nurtured with greater affection than the scabby little bleeders that old man Somjit lets roam around his backyard, and anyone else's fucking backyard for that matter. Officially, I suppose, the chickens belong to him but as the law has it possession is nine tenths, so it wouldn't be terribly unjust if the rogue roosters that unlawfully breach the boundaries of my humble little farmhouse and subsequently shit all over the fucking place, were subjected to a violent demise courtesy of a box of matches and 20 baht's worth of benzine 91 - an act, although a little sadistic, which would soon reap the consequential cry of 'dinner is served', and Somjit doesn't want a leg, or a breast, or even a wing...no, that fucker wants the arse and the feet, and possibly the beak if it hasn't perished.

    While the eggs are simmering on a low heat, start preparing the extra ingredients which comprise of several spring onions and two enormous dollops of full fat mayonnaise - the half-baked, low fat (the utilization of italics was to denote gayness) variety is simply not conducive to satisfaction come the cessation of your forthcoming feast. It's like asking for a scoop of Haargen Das strawberry cheesecake ice cream and coming away with half a pint of skimmed milk.

    Roughly chop the spring onions and ladle the mayonnaise into a bowl, and now our attention can once again be turned to the eggs.

    Having spent a good 8 minutes in the pan, the eggs are now free to be shelled.

    Burn yourself a lot during this process - it's tradition.

    Add them to mayo before using a fork to compound the mixture together. Work aggressively. Work like you are composing a knee-trembler with a Burmese bint round the back of the bar by the bins. Quick.Efficient.Passionate.

    Once the egg mayo medley has been beaten to your satisfaction, place it between two door-step slices of bread, garnish with the spring onion, and rip the fucker limb from limb.

    This is currently my favourite fare.



    Pros and cons:

    Pros:
    1. It tastes great
    2. Promotes some of the best flatulence you could ever hope to part with, both in terms of volume and odour, which leads me to number three.
    3. Can aid the felling of unwanted elderly relatives after cocking a deft buttock.
    4. .....no, that's it.

    Cons:
    1. It makes you fat.
    2. People start running away from 'Stinky Slap'

    But they aren't pros really. They just add to masculinity.

    Real men are fat and smelly. Poofters are skinny and smell like blossom.

  2. #2
    Sprayed On Member
    The Fresh Prince's Avatar
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    A web ripped pic of an egg mayo sarnie!! Tut tut dear fellow. Tut tut!

  3. #3
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    Thai Pom's Avatar
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    Forget the Mayo, Substitute with Heinz Salad Cream.............

  4. #4
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Fresh Prince
    A web ripped pic of an egg mayo sarnie!!
    Egg mayo's too good for the manwich fred.

    And my piccies never do anything any justice.


    Quote Originally Posted by Thai Pom
    Forget the Mayo, Substitute with Heinz Salad Cream.............
    Used to be the case. Now it's way to sweet for my tastes. Much prefer a solid full fat sour mayo..

  5. #5
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    I'm bloody starving now. Could murder that sarnie.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Fresh Prince
    Could murder that sarnie.
    She's a beauty isn't she. Gonna have another one tonight. It's getting to the stage where I need a bean bag for each of my buttocks.

  7. #7
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    Very nice sandwich for a change of pace. I always add salt and pepper, a bit of dried tarragon and a small amount of mustard.

  8. #8
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Humbert
    I always add salt and pepper, a bit of dried tarragon and a small amount of mustard.
    I forgot about the s and p - sea and cracked black respectively if poss, are a must.

    Not sure about the mootard though. Might take away the whole eggy mayonnaise-ish taste experience. It would definitely have to be a dijon as oppose to the snappy english stuff.

  9. #9
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    Is miracle whip mayo?

  10. #10
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    That looked fockin awesome, i would rather have that than the knee trembler out the back of the bar near the bins with the burmese bint, i reckon

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Koojo
    Is miracle whip mayo?
    Oh man, you really want to stir things up, no?
    I love both; but, let the great mayo vs miracle whip wars commence.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by beerlaodrinker
    i would rather have that than the knee trembler out the back of the bar near the bins with the burmese bint, i reckon
    Unless the Burmese bint was capable of rustling up a decent sandwich after the event, I'd probably agree.


    Quote Originally Posted by Grower
    let the great mayo vs miracle whip wars commence.
    Indeed...



    Can't taste the difference personally..

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thai Pom View Post
    Forget the Mayo, Substitute with Heinz Salad Cream.............
    I would also ad a dash or two of good Dijon to the mix.
    Adds a little bite - blends [taste] well with eggs.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Can't taste the difference personally..
    Seriously? There's quite a difference actually; Mayo is just egg and oil (delicious if the right brand) and Miracle Whip is vinegary and sweet.
    I love both and interchange according to my mood and taste.

  15. #15
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    See here we go. Mayo, and only Mayo. The other stuff is like whipped salad cream.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by aging one
    See here we go.
    Hey, did I call it or what?

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by beerlaodrinker
    i would rather have that than the knee trembler out the back of the bar near the bins with the burmese bint, i reckon
    Unless the Burmese bint was capable of rustling up a decent sandwich after the event, I'd probably agree.


    Quote Originally Posted by Grower
    let the great mayo vs miracle whip wars commence.
    Indeed...



    Can't taste the difference personally..


    Try this one for a real change




    or learn to make one. Not so difficult but the most important is to have very fresh eggs as they are not cooked
    The things we regret most is the things we didn't do

  18. #18
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    Memoirs?

    Rather chatty chap, aint ya?

    1. Cook eggs
    2. Mix with proper mayo
    3. Salt n pepper and bread
    4. Eat.

    All this gnashing of teeth and ripping of bread seems a trying to hard event.

  19. #19
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    I would add a little bit of grated cheddar.

  20. #20
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    Obviously the reason this isn't in the sandwich thread is that it would immediately be trashed as the gayest fagwitch on the planet.
    But moving on, could you mix a bit of curry powder in there for curried eggs?
    Last edited by Cujo; 26-04-2013 at 09:12 AM.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by charleyboy View Post
    I would add a little bit of grated cheddar.
    Now you're talking, and a slice of tomato.

    This is becoming the 'pimp slaps fagwich' thread.

  22. #22
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    Stop messing with perfection, people.

    It ain't broke.

    No need to fix it. Or add gay cheese and curry powder.

    Fagwich, you say?

    Somtam 'The Grunter' Slap, tends to disagree.

  23. #23
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    Any sandwich engineered to intentionally annoy people with farts cannot be gay.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Humbert View Post
    Any sandwich engineered to intentionally annoy people with farts cannot be gay.
    There is that.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Koojo View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Humbert View Post
    Any sandwich engineered to intentionally annoy people with farts cannot be gay.
    There is that.

    I thought farts were like pheromones or perfume to pooves?

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