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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Slap goes to Italy: Leaves unimpressed

    Slap leaves Isaan, bound for the grease ridden shores of Italy. Slap's quest for well prepared fare has indeed led him halfway around the fucking globe.

    Slap arrives in Italy and immediately slips over on the pavement. This place is highly fucking lubricated, Slap muses.

    Slap thinks Italy is rather easy on the eye after having spent the last decade surrounded by rusty corrugated iron fencing. Slap is eager to breach the walls and locate a fine dining emporium.



    Slap can't help but notice that Italy is full of hi-so gooks. Slap continues his quest unperturbed.



    Slap zeros in on a quaint little bar come restaurant. Slap notes the name. Tempi Felici. Slap thinks that sounds a bit like Temple of Fellatio. Slap decides that this is an appropriate spot to dine.



    Slap takes in the decor. Slap has yet to see any sign of fellatio present. Slap is decidely unimpressed with the slanderous scrawl on the restaurant's facade.



    Slap scritinizes the condiments. Slap thinks aboout leaving.



    Slap opts to stay seated and orders an orange juice. Slap observes the presentation of the beverage with interest. Slap takes a pensive sip. It tastes like water.



    Slap considers that since he is on Italian soil, the main course should comprise of a huge, fuck-off English Breakfast. Slap doesn't much care for pasta flecked with human grease and armpit hair.

    The last days of Rome arrive plated before slap. Toast - from 7/11. Bacon - 50% fat. Sauasge - a fucking hotdog. Egg - a bloody campaign in medieval Milan.





    Slap pays bill. Slap doesn't tip. Slap is sick and tired of being buggered by foodstuffs.

    Slaps runs away from Italy whilst telling it and all its residents to fuck off.
    Last edited by somtamslap; 27-09-2012 at 05:04 PM.

  2. #2
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    "Slap notes the name. Tempi Felici. Slap thinks that sounds a bit like Temple of Fellatio".


    That is the sorriest looking breakfast I've seen for a long time.

  3. #3
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    Oh dear no "Happy Times" for you then....

    What did your feast par excellence cost ?

    Why is it so hard to fry the sausage with the bacon and refrain from slicing it open ... do all Thai's have sadistic fetishes with anything vaguely penis shaped ?

    Mark

  4. #4
    Pedantic bastard
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Slaps runs away from Italy whilst telling it and all its residents to fuck off.
    They spoke highly of you Slap....

  5. #5
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    Slap my friend you must surely be the most unlucky b@stard in Thailand ! You travel all over looking for decent fare and find expensive shite and now you travel halfway round the world and find the same. My heart bleeds for you mate. Looks like you are going to have to settle on Issan delights or cook your own !
    Treat everyone as a complete and utter idiot and you can only ever be pleasantly surprised !

  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katana
    What did your feast par excellence cost ?
    50 baht per item and an extra 50 for the sprig of parsley. Robbing fackers.



    Quote Originally Posted by nidhogg
    They spoke highly of you Slap....
    As folk usually do..

  7. #7
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    So. a Slap up feed then, matey? Or should I say, Signore?

    You should know that Eyetalians cant cook English breakfast. Just like their electric toasters dont actually do toast. De Longhi being a case in point.

    Should have passed by that place and visited the Munter's Arms, nearby.

  8. #8
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    You could always stop choosing restaurants based on the fact that their name sounds remotely like something rude and amusing in a different language.

  9. #9
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by EggSandwich
    You could always stop choosing restaurants based on the fact that their name sounds remotely like something rude and amusing in a different language.
    Yes, half baked promises of a live porn show should not be a deciding factor.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Big Fella
    Slap my friend you must surely be the most unlucky b@stard in Thailand ! You travel all over looking for decent fare and find expensive shite and now you travel halfway round the world and find the same. My heart bleeds for you mate. Looks like you are going to have to settle on Issan delights or cook your own ! __________________
    Or ask for a recommendation, as he is hopeless on his own. Zero for how many now in the culinary arts field Slap?

  11. #11
    I am in Jail

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    pasta pizza spaghetti illy maccaroni tomatoes espresso cappuchino latte macchiato cafe... hang out... read a book... no bothering...

    lamborghini ferrari ducati...

  12. #12
    Thailand Expat gusG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Slap goes to Italy: Leaves unimpressed
    Maybe better named " Kwai, pai Kao Yai, kin kee Kwai." ( or something like that )

    Just stay at home you Muppet.

  13. #13
    Thailand Expat klong toey's Avatar
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    Did you take your own tomato ketchup?labels in Thai.

  14. #14
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    when was the last time you ingested acceptable western food in a retail eatery in thailand? (7/11 fare does not count).

  15. #15
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    I'd like to go to that 'little Italy' nr Korat, yeah?

  16. #16
    Thailand Expat klong toey's Avatar
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    We took the train to the top of the hill did you order horse meat for your main course.
    Feckin steep hill.

  17. #17
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aging one
    Zero for how many now in the culinary arts field Slap?
    Slap 0 - 5 (or so) Food


    Quote Originally Posted by draco888
    (7/11 fare does not count).
    No fair! I partook in their new line of sandwich this very evening. Shrimp and cheese. Tasted ok. Was only enhanced with the 14 bahts worth of dispensed Cola.


    Quote Originally Posted by The_Ghost_Of_The_Moog
    I'd like to go to that 'little Italy' nr Korat, yeah?
    Yes. Seriously don't bother. It's shite.

  18. #18
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by gusG
    Maybe better named " Kwai, pai Kao Yai, kin kee Kwai."
    You hit the nail spot bollock on the bonce.

    Slap fall down go boom.

  19. #19
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by klong toey
    Did you take your own tomato ketchup?labels in Thai.
    Indeed. My backpack is invariably filled with a selection of sachets, or bottles on this occasion.

  20. #20
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    And Slap get's banned in yet another city.

  21. #21
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    Order an English brekkie from a faux Italian gaff in bleedin' Khao Yai, and what do ya expect? Maybe not something quite that bad.

  22. #22
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    I once cycled around Corsica. The food was good but very expensive and the portions tiny.
    The best meal I had was in a bar next to the foreign legion barracks. It was liquid and came in bottles.

  23. #23
    Pedantic bastard
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    Quote Originally Posted by chassamui View Post
    I once cycled around Corsica. The food was good but very expensive and the portions tiny.
    The best meal I had was in a bar next to the foreign legion barracks. It was liquid and came in bottles.
    I was fairly dissapointed with the food in Italy - nowhere near as good as I was expecting to be honest.

    breakfast was generally a huge dissapointment - biscuits and coffee - yucks.

  24. #24
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    The only 'proper' breakfast I ever had on the continent was in Moscow.
    Boiled eggs, cheese, salami and great black bread- so hardly the full monty.

  25. #25
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    The last days of Rome arrive plated before slap. Toast - from 7/11. Bacon - 50% fat. Sausage - a fucking hotdog. Egg - a bloody campaign in medieval Milan.

    What did they do to that egg? Was it poached, semi over easy or slightly scrambled? Why the corn? Was sugar thrown in that mix too?

    Slap, don't you have a Makro or Tesco in your area?

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