The Sunday Lunch Saga Continues: Slap's judgment leaves much to be desired

**somtamslap** · 23-09-2012, 06:35 PM

I gave the menu a routine appraisal before electing the lobster bisque to start; you can't go wrong with a bisque. And at an economically viable 75 baht it meant that my wallet would side-step a buggering.

I began salivating at the prospect of my imminent appetizer - with promises of a smooth and creamy broth seasoned to perfection with tarragon, nutmeg, paprika and parsley, I was postively pissing my pants in anticipation.

After some 10 minutes (A time I noted that could possibly coincide with the opening of a tin and a covert nuking in a microwave), I was presented with my starter.

What? I didn't ask for a fucking cup of PG Tips, mate. What's this bollocks?

Since it was going to take me two and a half slurps to end this soup's existance, I felt it necessary to order a couple of slices of bread in order to give the repast a bit of girth.
The bread took longer to come than the fucking soup did, although I'm quite partial to a garlic seasoned slice.

Upon intial tasting I burnt the fuck out of my mouth (microwave), and going in for a second spoonful I unearthed a white piece of flesh which looked remarkably like a segment of shrimp - because that's exactly what it was, shrimp. Erm, Waiter, there appears to be a fucking prawn in my lobster bisque, in fact there's a whole bunch of the fuckers. I believe there are certain alterations which need to be made to your menu.

With the bisque of whatever fucking description it was now settling at the base of my stomach, I noted that a special had been added to the Entrees selection and ordered it quickly before I changed my mind, ran to 7/11 and overdosed on ham and cheese toasted sandwiches.

Lamb Stew. Just what one requires on a, erm, hot and sunny afternoon in the middle of the bastard tropics.

I pictured being bestowed a hearty assembly of chunky meat, potato and vegetable pieces, perhaps accompanied with a side of mash and a great, fuck-off stick of French bread - after all, the 280 baht price tag should surely see me leave the establishment a happy and contented customer.

But what's this? It appears that someone has randomly dumped a fist full of spaghetti on my plate. Spaghetti! Fucking SPAGHETTI?!

Next week I'll try somewhere new - and I won't be held responsible for my actions should they try to compliment my Sunday roast with fucking pasta.

Sheeesh. Some people.

**SEA Traveler** · 23-09-2012, 06:43 PM

Wow Slap, rough time at the restaurant today... I also cherish a good lobster bisque but have not been able to find such over here in Thailand. Fortunately though, I have located many fine dining establishments where I have been fortunate enough to order and receive what I was expecting with fine reviews after tasting and eating. I usually stick to what I know I'm getting and go to the particular restaurant that makes what I am hungry for is an spectacular way...

**somtamslap** · 23-09-2012, 06:49 PM

Originally Posted by SEA Traveler

I also cherish a good lobster bisque but have not been able to find such over here in Thailand.

Yes. Neither me. I've found that they don't tend to put lobster in them.

**dirtydog** · 23-09-2012, 06:53 PM

You could pretend the prawns are baby lobsters, not sure what you could do with the stew, damn sure i wouldn't be happy paying 280baht for that.

**klong toey** · 23-09-2012, 07:06 PM

Looks nasty maybe s&p ready meal hybrid.

**Thetyim** · 23-09-2012, 07:10 PM

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Lamb Stew.

Looks more like Tomato Stew

**Albert Shagnastier** · 23-09-2012, 07:45 PM

to be brutally honest, it looks like somtum boo palaa with a 10bt portion of moo ping. ```on the upside, 20 years ago would have been worse

**gusG** · 23-09-2012, 08:18 PM

Have you got a sign on your forehead, saying "Please piss me off, take my money, and fok me up the ass"?

**Bung** · 23-09-2012, 08:55 PM

Fok me Slap, you don't have much luck on the food front do you?

Do they see you coming?

**Thetyim** · 23-09-2012, 09:18 PM

^
Only if he leaves the toilet door open

**somtamslap** · 23-09-2012, 10:16 PM

Originally Posted by Thetyim

Only if he leaves the toilet door open

There was nothing to wank about following the conclusion of this meal. But, yes, on the rare occasions that I do get served up edible fare, I can be invariably found, upon the cessation of the repast, furiously jacking off in the men's room. Such is the barren period of agreeable cuisine that I'm currently experiencing.

**somtamslap** · 23-09-2012, 10:33 PM

Originally Posted by gusG

Have you got a sign on your forehead, saying "Please piss me off, take my money, and fok me up the ass"?

Only on a Friday, when I hang around bus station bogs in a frilly frock going by my alter ego, Barbara.

**Dillinger** · 23-09-2012, 11:05 PM

Ive had some great home food in Thailand, i can imagine though out in the sticks and Thai frequented places, they can charge what they like.

Wheres your nearest Makro, buy an oven a chest freezer and some nz lamb...

You know it makes sense

**somtamslap** · 23-09-2012, 11:17 PM

Originally Posted by Dillinger

Wheres your nearest Makro

Korat City - I'm banned.

**Albert Shagnastier** · 24-09-2012, 04:15 AM

Stop shagging the frozen turkeys slap, they'll probably let you back in

**OhOh** · 24-09-2012, 06:00 AM

Lets be honest you were only there for the red wine.

and you were asked if you wanted the Polenta option.

**nidhogg** · 24-09-2012, 07:07 AM

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Lamb Stew.

But what's this? It appears that someone has randomly dumped a fist full of spaghetti on my plate. Spaghetti! Fucking SPAGHETTI?!

Jesus wept. "Lamb stew" with tomatoes??? And sided with salad and coleslaw and pasta? Jesus Mary and Joseph. Somebody should be taken out and shot. That is an offense against humanity.

Have a go at cooking for yourself - it is the only route to sanity. You can get pretty good results with even a single gas ring. Casseroles, stews, soups......all good stuff.

**somtamslap** · 24-09-2012, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by nidhogg

Jesus wept.

Indeed he did.

Originally Posted by nidhogg

Have a go at cooking for yourself - it is the only route to sanity. You can get pretty good results with even a single gas ring. Casseroles, stews, soups......all good stuff.

I, or rather, the other half usually cooks Western stuff. Shepherd's Pie, bangers and mash, fish and chips, pizzas etc...but it's sometimes nice to go out, get served cack and pay extortionate sums of cash for it..

**nidhogg** · 24-09-2012, 11:14 AM

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Originally Posted by nidhogg

Jesus wept.

Indeed he did.

Originally Posted by nidhogg

Have a go at cooking for yourself - it is the only route to sanity. You can get pretty good results with even a single gas ring. Casseroles, stews, soups......all good stuff.

I, or rather, the other half usually cooks Western stuff. Shepherd's Pie, bangers and mash, fish and chips, pizzas etc...but it's sometimes nice to go out, get served cack and pay extortionate sums of cash for it..

Glad to hear you are getting some decent grub amongst it all. My missus does a cracking cod and chips, bangers and mash (in fact I believe that is on the menu for tonight), curries, casseroles, she can knock out a mean chilli (with extra kidney beans), a fair old spag bog....all good stuff.

Try for western at least 4 times a week - Thai food once a day is normally enough....

**nigelandjan** · 24-09-2012, 11:36 AM

Here you are Somtum , salivate and print this to take with you , stick on the menu card when you sit down and point to it when the waitress turns up

**somtamslap** · 24-09-2012, 11:36 AM

Originally Posted by nidhogg

Thai food once a day is normally enough....

I'll invariably have Thai food (usually noodle soup nowadays) for lunch and somet Western for an evening meal. But our restaurant (Isaan tucker) is due to open any day now so I foresee a mass of larb moo aimed towards my face come din dins.

**nidhogg** · 24-09-2012, 11:38 AM

Originally Posted by nigelandjan

Here you are Somtum , salivate and print this to take with you , stick on the menu card when you sit down and point to it when the waitress turns up

That is just plain bloody nasty of you to post that. Evil b*stard...

**somtamslap** · 24-09-2012, 11:40 AM

Originally Posted by nigelandjan

salivate and print this to take with you

Looks bally scrumptious, Nige. I'm back home in November and intend to gorge myself to the point of exploding with roast potatoes which like exactly like them ^

**crocman** · 24-09-2012, 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by nigelandjan

Here you are Somtum , salivate and print this to take with you , stick on the menu card when you sit down and point to it when the waitress turns up

Have a gander at those yorkies,that's sex on a plate.

**The Big Fella** · 24-09-2012, 01:05 PM

What's with all this one ring thingy and all that ? Thai's have that. don't you people have proper cookers, ovens etc ?

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