Results 1 to 21 of 21
  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 03:41 PM
    Location
    Down on the farm
    Posts
    13,586

    Culinary Delights for Drunk People

    My father in-law has recently reintroduced himself into life in our village. Yes, after a 30 year period of absence during which he could most commonly be found rooting around gutters and dustbins for rubbish of potential worth, he was presented to us spread eagled in the back of a pick-up truck - absolutely fucked out of his face.
    Now with this, I rubbed my hands with glee as a solitary tear trickled down my left cheek. My prayers had been answered and delivered to me in the back of a fucking Toyota Tiger - no more half baked reasons for why I deserve a shot of Ya-Dong at 10 O' Clock in the morning, no, I now had thee blueprint to getting very, very drunk whenever the need arose...which after 10 years of marriage is pretty much every fucking waking moment of the day.

    "But your father asked me to join him in a small appertif, dear!"

    Thank you! Thank you! You lovely, fucking inter-provincial rubbish bin rooter! You have added quite monumentally to the quality of my existance!

    But however, after a couple of weeks of waking up in ditches and generally obtaining the status of 'useless drunken fuck-up', I began to rather loath the sight of 'Por'. Yes, when the alcohol was finally absent from my blood stream, the harsh realistaion that 'Por' wasn't ever going to stop drinking hit me - it hit me almost as hard as the smell of fucking piss which his 5000 year old sarong appears to exhale with gargantuan breaths.

    Poor old 'Por' - there I was having a laugh, and there was 'Por', just living his life..

    Apologies, I digress.

    It was during one such consuming conference with the Pater in-law that I stumbled across a rather rare 'midnight snack'...it might have been midnight anyway, extremely doubtful - probably more like 'mid-morning', but hay-ho, the details of time, place and just about anything else are bound to be a tad on the sketchy side.

    I woke up, or rather came to, and the desire to consume something's flesh began to consume me. I began walking to the fridge which ended up in an impromptu gallop and crash to the floor courtesy of the five gallons of liquid death lodged in my brain.

    After dusting myself off, I yanked the fridge door open and relieved the faithful fucker of bread, bacon and a solitary tomato. Impatiently, I tried to liberate a few slices of the bread from the stubborn packaging (for God' sake don't leave a loaf of farmhouse lying around in our gaff, my wife will make sure you need a hammer, chisel and a robust pair of pliers to access the twatting thing) and finally succeeded. I then turned my attentions towards the swine -

    'Hmmmm...to cook or not to cook, that is the question. I think, yes, I think I'm rather in favour of the former'

    So I bundled up half a pig's arse and graced the recently emancipated farmhouse slices with a fistful of bacon.

    Mmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

    A raw bacon sandwich! And didn't it just hit the spot.

  2. #2
    Member
    grasshopper's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 02:27 PM
    Location
    sydney by the beach
    Posts
    897
    Queasy I was and queasy I still would be.

  3. #3
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 03:41 PM
    Location
    Down on the farm
    Posts
    13,586
    Quote Originally Posted by grasshopper
    Queasy I was and queasy I still would be.
    Flushes out the large intestine quite efficiently though.

    I may try raw sausages next - or even take it that one step further and start chowing down on live chickens...or cats..

  4. #4
    Lord of Swine
    Necron99's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Nahkon Sawon
    Posts
    13,025
    ^^ What did you wash it down with?
    And how's Pa?

  5. #5
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 03:41 PM
    Location
    Down on the farm
    Posts
    13,586
    Quote Originally Posted by Necron99
    What did you wash it down with?
    An International Award Winner, if my memory serves...



    Quote Originally Posted by Necron99
    And how's Pa?
    On the Lao Khao from the moment he wakes up in the morning. He's been working with me though. We've just done a bit of land clearance and I've been analysing 'Por''s work rate before and after alcohol has been supped. It's definetly best to feed him fairly regular (2/3 hour) 10 baht shots, then he'll work like a trojan for the whole day. Give him an M150 bottle at 8am and he's fucking useless.

    Anyway, I'm trying to get him off it - but at the same time I can feel his pain.

  6. #6
    Thailand Expat
    Albert Shagnastier's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Last Online
    22-03-2015 @ 09:09 PM
    Location
    City of Angels
    Posts
    7,164
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    A raw bacon sandwich!
    I think you need to move to a big city mate.

    Good for your sanity, as well as kebabs, big macs, cheesy fries and propper street food

  7. #7
    Member
    grasshopper's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 02:27 PM
    Location
    sydney by the beach
    Posts
    897

    Talking

    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by grasshopper
    Queasy I was and queasy I still would be.
    Flushes out the large intestine quite efficiently though.

    I may try raw sausages next - or even take it that one step further and start chowing down on live chickens...or cats..
    A relative of Gene Simmons, are we?

  8. #8
    Thailand Expat
    bobo746's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Last Online
    24-01-2019 @ 09:21 AM
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    14,326
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    very drunk whenever the need arose...which after 10 years of marriage is pretty much every fucking waking moment of the day.
    I can feel your pain mate.

  9. #9
    Lord of Swine
    Necron99's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Nahkon Sawon
    Posts
    13,025
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Necron99
    What did you wash it down with?
    An International Award Winner, if my memory serves...



    Quote Originally Posted by Necron99
    And how's Pa?
    On the Lao Khao from the moment he wakes up in the morning. He's been working with me though. We've just done a bit of land clearance and I've been analysing 'Por''s work rate before and after alcohol has been supped. It's definetly best to feed him fairly regular (2/3 hour) 10 baht shots, then he'll work like a trojan for the whole day. Give him an M150 bottle at 8am and he's fucking useless.

    Anyway, I'm trying to get him off it - but at the same time I can feel his pain.

    We have a worker who works only for LK. Same same for him. Shots during the day and a 150 when he's done.

  10. #10
    Pedantic bastard
    nidhogg's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    14,582
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by grasshopper
    Queasy I was and queasy I still would be.
    Flushes out the large intestine quite efficiently though.

    I may try raw sausages next -
    I would not if I was you. Bacon is "cured" (even the commercial crap) so no real worries about eating it uncooked.


    Sausages (unless you are talking about a few special types) ARE "raw" unprocessed meat. Good way to get yourself sick.

  11. #11
    En route
    Cujo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Last Online
    Today @ 09:07 PM
    Location
    Reality.
    Posts
    28,110
    You had a tomatoe?
    there's a fucking nice sandwich. COOK the bacon, a couple slices of tomatoe and you have something resembling proper food.
    Can't imagine what would posess someone to eat raw bacon.
    Last edited by Cujo; 11-09-2012 at 08:34 AM.

  12. #12
    Thailand Expat
    bobo746's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Last Online
    24-01-2019 @ 09:21 AM
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    14,326
    ^

    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    five gallons of liquid death lodged in my brain.
    Theres your answer.

  13. #13
    Sprayed On Member
    The Fresh Prince's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Not in the willage
    Posts
    11,683
    Last time I visited the outlaws in the village I took a healthy stock of brown bread and bacon with me. After Por had spent a couple of days watching me eat them over his breakfast bowl of weeds he asked to try one. (cooked not raw)

    He couldn't believe his taste buds and has since been demanding them everyday. Word spread quickly to other male family members in the area and bacon sarnies are now on the family breakfast menu.

    I feel like my work there is done and I'm now planing my 'Sandwiches Make Your Skin Whiter' campaign in Bangkok to try to improve the sandwich quality in supermarkets and convenience stores.

  14. #14
    Lord of Swine
    Necron99's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Nahkon Sawon
    Posts
    13,025
    ^ Baby steps, you need to get edible bread in place and widely available first.

  15. #15
    R.I.P

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Last Online
    31-10-2014 @ 05:21 PM
    Location
    nong khai
    Posts
    1,081
    You need to a bit more alcohol.

  16. #16
    Thailand Expat
    bobo746's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Last Online
    24-01-2019 @ 09:21 AM
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    14,326
    Do you eat the local creepy crawlies when your pissed SS

  17. #17
    En route
    Cujo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Last Online
    Today @ 09:07 PM
    Location
    Reality.
    Posts
    28,110
    I love alcohol. I all it's forms, but I do need some fried food with it.

  18. #18
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 03:41 PM
    Location
    Down on the farm
    Posts
    13,586
    Quote Originally Posted by Albert Shagnastier
    I think you need to move to a big city mate.
    Just have been in one for a year - I fucked up in it quite magnificently..I belong in fucking mudhuts, it's official.

  19. #19
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 03:41 PM
    Location
    Down on the farm
    Posts
    13,586
    Quote Originally Posted by bobo746
    Do you eat the local creepy crawlies when your pissed SS
    When one sleeps in a ditch, it's somewhat of a lucky dip as to what's gonna crawl in yer gob - ants, snakes, rodents, small children etc..it's all good sustenance, mind you..

  20. #20
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 03:41 PM
    Location
    Down on the farm
    Posts
    13,586
    Quote Originally Posted by Koojo
    Can't imagine what would posess someone to eat raw bacon.
    Can't imagine what possesses folk to eat bits of pig's arse in general, but we still do it..and love it.

    It's all a bit saucy if you think about it..

  21. #21
    euston has flown

    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Last Online
    10-06-2016 @ 03:12 AM
    Posts
    6,978
    Quote Originally Posted by nidhogg View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by grasshopper
    Queasy I was and queasy I still would be.
    Flushes out the large intestine quite efficiently though.

    I may try raw sausages next -
    I would not if I was you. Bacon is "cured" (even the commercial crap) so no real worries about eating it uncooked.


    Sausages (unless you are talking about a few special types) ARE "raw" unprocessed meat. Good way to get yourself sick.
    I do believe that the raw sausage in Thailand is gamma irradiated to kill off tape worms... and I believe toxoplasmosis but speaking personally I think eating raw meat, especially pork, or fresh water fish is just asking for trouble.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •