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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Bent Over and Buggered in an Isaan Pizzeria

    Should the occasion ever arise where a sound buggering was required, I'd don a frilly frock and walk about the place calling myself Vera. It would be then and only then that I'd expect to be bent over rodgered. So with this in mind, I was ill-prepared for the metaphorical beasting I recently recieved in my local pizzeria.

    I walked through door; an action which provoked the wide eyed owner to scuttle from behind the counter and stick a menu in my face. My modus operandi at this stage was to order the largest, most expensive pizza they had on offer and gannet the bastard with great vengeance and furious anger. However, after the manager had shown me to my usual seat next to the fish tank, he eagerly began to scroll through the plastic binder which he has the nerve to refer to as a 'menu', until he reached the day's special.

    Sai Gok Italy (Italian Sausage), he bleated excitedly, pointing at the felt tip pen scrawled option.

    Now, stumbling upon a entrepeneur in Isaan isn't an everyday occurence, so with an admiration for this attempt at diversifying the range of offerings, I decided to concur with his suggestion and placed the order.

    Promises of 5 different types of Italian sausage, chips and a dressed salad had been made in the menu entry, for just 200 baht which is approximately the priceof their largest pizza.

    Surprisingly, the meal arrived in less than two minutes.

    And here's why..

    It's a plate of fucking hotdogs, you daft, wannabe wop TWAT!



    I think he sourced these new items from the 7/11 at PTT station up the road.

    Can't wait for the Mexican burger selection to hit the menu.

    A word to the wise: When in Isaan - don't order the sauages...ever!

  2. #2
    Party Animal!
    Fuzzy Bob's Avatar
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    A classic

  3. #3
    Thailand Expat
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    The hotdogs outnumber the chips!

    Did they all taste different?

  4. #4
    Thailand Expat
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    10 frozen fries and 6 7/11 hotdogs, you woz robbed.

  5. #5
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    When in Isaan - don't order the sauages...ever!
    Obviously

  6. #6
    Philippine Expat Davis Knowlton's Avatar
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    I can't count the number of times, or countries, when I have been sucked in by the Dago Sausage ploy, to get just what Slap did. And yet I keep falling for it, over and over.......hope springs eternal, I guess.

  7. #7
    I am in Jail
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    when you are upcountry, always eat local, not farang

    never eat farang food in remote areas, only a farang fool would do such a thing

  8. #8
    Have you got any cheese Thetyim's Avatar
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    You should have eaten the tablecloth just to show him what tastes better

  9. #9
    Mid
    Mid is offline
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    beer > keyboard !!!!

  10. #10
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    [QUOTE="Butterfly"]when you are upcountry, always eat local, not farang[/QUOTE They do a superb pizza. At least I think it's superb. I haven't tasted any other pizzas for donkies years.



    Quote Originally Posted by rawlins
    Did they all taste different?
    They did actually. The small pair on the right were pretty tasty.

  11. #11
    Thailand Expat
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    ^

    Not so bad then... At least they weren't all out of the same jar.

    If he had given you some bread and brown sauce with it it might have been worth the money.

  12. #12
    M.A.D
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    At least you can identify the hot dogs, can you imagine what you would have gotten for a pizza?

    As for the fries, the cooks were eating your portion while they nuked the dogs.

  13. #13
    loob lor geezer
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    Why is it that whenever you go to a steak house that has a Thai clientele you only get 4 or 5 chips and a salad portion that wouldn't fill a hamster ?
    FFS. I can understand being kee neeo on the meat but surely a dozen chips wouldn't wreck the venture.

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat nedwalk's Avatar
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    looks a bit the 'extra' sausages i ordered with me brekky in bali..all i got was 3 snags and a bit of toast, that was it..they try , they really do, but they miss it it by this much.

  15. #15
    ding ding ding
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    One of them has a bell end, a small one, but a bell end. Is that why the guy was offering them up as Italian?

  16. #16
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    Source, usage of dogs and sausage prior to your order? Big smile from the owner for sure....

  17. #17
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carrabow
    can you imagine what you would have gotten for a pizza?
    The rest of their fare is pretty tasty.

    Here's what I had the last time I was in there..

    Nice fresh salad, with olive oil and balsamic vinegar for seasoning:



    And a pizza:


  18. #18
    splendid and tremendous
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    Although I ordered the spaghetti carbonara to take away once and it was just spaghetti. I'll go for the lamb next. He'll probably go outside and strangle a dog or somet.

  19. #19
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    I'll go for the lamb next.
    First sausages and now lamb - you really are showing yourself up in this thread. I've never known a Thai (unless guided by a foreigner) to not fuck up the cooking of lamb. You have been warned.

  20. #20
    M.A.D
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Carrabow
    can you imagine what you would have gotten for a pizza?
    The rest of their fare is pretty tasty.

    Here's what I had the last time I was in there..

    Nice fresh salad, with olive oil and balsamic vinegar for seasoning:

    And a pizza:

    If you couldn't see the crust one would have thought it to be an omelette, as usual they skimped on the tomatoe sauce.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    I'll go for the lamb next. He'll probably go outside and strangle a dog or somet.
    They actually have virgin lamb in Issan? Brave soul Somtamslap!

  22. #22
    M.A.D
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    Quote Originally Posted by ltnt View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    I'll go for the lamb next. He'll probably go outside and strangle a dog or somet.
    They actually have virgin lamb in Issan? Brave soul Somtamslap!
    One of my kids dogs mysteriously disappeared 3 days ago

  23. #23
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog
    You have been warned.
    I'll try it and happily rant back. I quite like it when things don't go right. Gives me an excuse to go nuts.

  24. #24
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Please post pictures of the lamb - prior to butchering.

  25. #25
    M.A.D
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    It will end up being a pigmy water buffalo

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