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Thread: Oh Bullocks!

  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
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    Oh Bullocks!

    The mrs must've been bartering with some magic beans on her last trip to the market. As oppose to bringing back a kilo of beef or whatever, I was greeted upon my return from work by this fucker..



    I first thought it was a cow, jolly good..fresh milk of a morning..but then I saw that it was boasting a rather impressive set of knackers and a couple of horns coming from its bonce..a BULL, what the fuck is one supposed to do with a bull??

    All it does, is eat, shit and piss, all in abundance..



    I have a new found respect for dairy farmers..they must have one hell of a job keeping a whole farm-full in fodder, let alone clearing up the shite..one is hard enough, starts giving it large with the mooing if it hasn't got enough grass (pretty scary actually)..

    It's about 14 months old....

    On a more positive note..I'm quite fond of the smell of cow shit.

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post

    what the fuck is one supposed to do with a bull??

  3. #3
    Guest Member S Landreth's Avatar
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    Make sure he is fed well (or grazes healthy grass) and then take him to the market (when he’s a bit older).

    Pity it is just one,.cause you’ll probably grow fond of him and will not want to sell him off.

    Oh you might want to have him cut,……….better he’s thinking about grass and not ass.
    Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

  4. #4
    Days Work Done! Norton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by S Landreth
    better he’s thinking about grass and not ass.
    Indeed. Get rid of the T-shirt ASAP.


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    Mmmm, Bowling...... mobs00's Avatar
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    Introduce the misses to the beauty of veal.

  6. #6
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    Skinny thing isn't it, might just about have a kilo of meat on it.

  7. #7
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    Can't kill the poor blighter, it's got a name ffs.Jing Jai ..how long do they live?? Centuries I bet..


    Quote Originally Posted by Norton
    Indeed. Get rid of the T-shirt ASAP
    Got roast beef sandwiches in that lunch box too..nothing personal, Jing Jai.

  8. #8
    Days Work Done! Norton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Centuries I bet..
    5 or 6 years and he's likely just a memory.

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    Guest Member S Landreth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Can't kill the poor blighter, it's got a name ffs.Jing Jai ...

    If he grows to a healthy animal (like the one pictured below),….you’re gonna have a problem.



  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by S Landreth
    If he grows to a healthy animal (like the one pictured below),….you’re gonna have a problem.
    He already breaks out into an alarming gallop..it's a bit worrying.
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    All it does, is eat, shit and piss, all in abundance..
    I forgot about drink..just brought him back from the field and he downed about 15 lites of water in less than a minute..

    Pretty good for keeping the grass down though.

    So far, Jing Jai's attributes are a good lawn mowing technique and the smell of his cack..the downside is absolutely every other aspect of owning him.
    Quote Originally Posted by S Landreth
    If he grows to a healthy animal
    He eats for at least 12 hours a day..I'd say there's a good chance he could turn out like that..just what a needed in my life this..psychopathic cattle.

  11. #11
    Days Work Done! Norton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    psychopathic cattle.
    Here ya go. Only a few seconds and all sorted. He'll be calm and gentle. Don't wait til he gets too big though. They kinda resent folks doing this.


  12. #12
    Guest Member S Landreth's Avatar
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    ^save them, they can be eaten (I don't but some people do),.............mountain oysters

    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    it's a bit worrying.

    A bit? One day the winds gonna be blowing right,…..he is going to get a sniff and just wait,………a horny bull. No 4 strand, 5 strand or 6 strand barbed wire fence will hold him back.

    cut em and cut the horns, please,.... if you are going to keep him
    Last edited by S Landreth; 24-01-2010 at 08:31 PM.

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    ^^ I'll get a local round to hack em off..not sure he'll make it look quite as easy as that though. That chap looked like he was working in a gonad removing factory.

    Good suggestions chaps, thanks..

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by S Landreth
    cut em and cut the horns, please,.... if you are going to keep him
    Will do..,,I'll organise a 'castrator' asap.

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    What to d with that bull?

    How about grabbing his dongle and giving it a good hard chuckwow!! Then you can sell his lovejuices to all the farms with cows... hear it can be a profitable busness...

    Simon

  16. #16
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    How much was he?

    oh gawd i'm sounding all Thai now

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    Quote Originally Posted by Simon43
    How about grabbing his dongle and giving it a good hard chuckwow!!
    Just choked on me beer then, Simon..I'll personally give that option a miss..but if baht is involved I'm sure the locals will be cuing to administer the hand job..although I'm gonna deknackerise the fucker so they won't have much joy..


    Quote Originally Posted by jizzybloke
    How much was he?
    Free. The mrs took him from a family member who saw dollar signs but forgot about the feeding and clearing up the shit part

  18. #18
    Member zubber's Avatar
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    you milk him for his jizz and sell that on to breeders

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    Put a ring through his nose and tether him where you want the grass kept short. They are not lawnmowers like sheep because they graze in a different way. Cattle curl the the tongue around a clump of grass and tear it up. Sheep nibble.
    the dung is an excellent natural fertiliser.
    If you get bored or pissed you could throw a saddle on it and go for a ride around your ranch. Good luck with it mate.

  20. #20
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    Great thread. He'll get ornery as hell if you don't make a steer out of him.

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    Member Thungsongsausage's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zubber View Post
    you milk him for his jizz and sell that on to breeders
    A jizz farmer.

  22. #22
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    Ecellent thread, I look forward to new ones with interest, my bull just killed a thai, what should I do?

  23. #23
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    Cut his gonads off and throw them on the bbq...

  24. #24
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    Anyone know how much the jizz goes for? Just out of interest?

    Quite like the sound of that...Jism Farmer!! Got a certain ring to it.

  25. #25
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    Call the sperm bank in Bangkok.....doubt they know the difference here.

    Tell the girl that answeres you have several litres a week.

    she might go all gah gah and want to help you fill the jug next week.

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