TeakDoor.com - The Thailand Forum - Jokes and funny stories http://teakdoor.com The section for all the zany and humorous stuff. Post your favourite jokes and funniest pictures here, also videos from youtube etc can be posted here. en Sat, 21 Nov 2009 03:22:38 GMT vBulletin 60 http://teakdoor.com/images/td_default/misc/rss.jpg TeakDoor.com - The Thailand Forum - Jokes and funny stories http://teakdoor.com How many times have you been like this? http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60484-how-many-times-have-you-been.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:55:27 GMT Come on admit it. Its got to be at least once.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrmbNt9NMhA ]]> Jokes and funny stories astasinim http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60484-how-many-times-have-you-been.html the hunter and the fly http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60442-the-hunter-and-the-fly.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 04:04:45 GMT You must ready this until the end.. Funny with some truth .. This is a story aboutA Fly, a Fish, a Bear, A Hunter, a... You must ready this until the end.. Funny with some truth ..
This is a story aboutA Fly, a Fish, a Bear,
A Hunter, a Mouse, and a Cat.
There is a moral to this story.....
 In the dead of summer a fly was resting among leaves beside a stream.

The hot, dry fly said to no one in particular,
'Gosh...if I go down three inches
I will feel the mist
From the water and I will be refreshed.'
There was a fish in the water thinking,
'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him.'
There was a bear on the shore thinking,
'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches
That fish will jump for the fly...
And I will grab the fish!!'
It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank
of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich.....'Gosh,' he thought, 'if that fly goes down three inches...
and that fish leaps for it...
that bear will show himself and grab for the fish.
Then, I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch.'
Now, you probably think this is
Enough activity on one river bank,
But I can tell you there's more....
A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking,
'Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches...
And that fish jumps for that fly..
And that bear grabs for that fish...
That dumb hunter will shoot the bear
And drop his cheese sandwich.'
�A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought,
(as was fashionable to do on the banks of
this particular river around lunch time)
'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches..
And that fish jumps for that fly
And that bear grabs for that fish
And that hunter shoots that bear...
And that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich,
then I can have mouse for lunch.'
The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he
Heads down for the cooling mist of the water.

The fish swallows the fly...
The bear grabs the fish...
The hunter shoots the bear...
The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich...
The cat jumps for the mouse..
The mouse ducks...
The cat falls into the water and drowns.
NOW, The Moral Of The Story...
Whenever a fly goes down three inches,
Some pussy's gonna be in serious danger.
]]> Jokes and funny stories Dug http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60442-the-hunter-and-the-fly.html The Rat http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60435-the-rat.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:27:28 GMT An oldie but a goodie... A tourist walked into a Brighton curio/antique shop. After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze... An oldie but a goodie...

A tourist walked into a Brighton curio/antique shop. After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it
anyway.

He took it to the owner and said: 'How much is this bronze rat?'
The owner replied: 'It's 12 pounds for the rat, and 100 pounds for the story.' The tourist said: 'Here's 12 quid, I'll just take the rat, You can keep the story.'

As he walked off down the street, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the sewers and begun following him. This was a little disconcerting, so he started to walk a little faster, but within a couple of blocks the swarm of rats had grown to hundreds, and they were all squealing and screeching in a very menacing way.

He increased his speed & ran on towards the beach, and as he ran, he looked behind him and saw the rats now numbered in their MILLIONS, and they were running faster & faster.

By now very concerned, he ran down to the pier and threw the bronze Rat far out into the water. Amazingly, the millions of real rats jumped into the water after it and were all drowned.

The man walked back to relate all this to the shop owner, who said: 'Ah, you've come back for the story then?'

'No,' said the tourist, 'I came back to see if you've got a bronze Muslim Fundamentalist Cleric, a couple of illegal immigrants, a Poov, a Chelsea supporter, and anything French!'
]]> Jokes and funny stories lingmau http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60435-the-rat.html Monica Lewinsky http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60384-monica-lewinsky.html Thu, 19 Nov 2009 07:17:07 GMT Monica Lewinsky was walking along when she found a magic lamp. She rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared. Because of inflation, the genie offered her... Monica Lewinsky was walking along when she found a magic lamp.
She rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared. Because of inflation,
the genie offered her only one wish.

"Hmmmm." Thought Monica. "I already have wealth, and I already
have more fame than I ever wanted, so I guess what I really want
is for you to get rid of my 'love-handles'.

"Your wish is my command," said the genie.

....POOF ! Her ears were gone. ]]> Jokes and funny stories a. boozer http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60384-monica-lewinsky.html Bigger boobs. http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60336-bigger-boobs.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 08:14:49 GMT So I went to the Doctor and asked him if he knew of any natural way to make my boobs get a lot bigger.

"Get a wad of toilet paper", he said "and rub it in your cleavage three times a day".

"Are you sure that will work?" I asked.

"Why not?" he replied, "It's certainly worked a treat on your backside!"

:) ]]> Jokes and funny stories SueB http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60336-bigger-boobs.html Sick Joke http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60332-sick-joke.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 05:31:37 GMT Why is a bungee jump like getting a blowjob from your mother-in-law? They both feel great until you look down! Believe it or not I was told that... Why is a bungee jump like getting a blowjob from your mother-in-law?


They both feel great until you look down!

Believe it or not I was told that joke by a German. Who says they've got no sense of humour? ]]> Jokes and funny stories lingmau http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60332-sick-joke.html Granny shoot machine gun http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60263-granny-shoot-machine-gun.html Mon, 16 Nov 2009 17:10:37 GMT YouTube - Granny shooting machine gun!!]]> What in da f8ck washee shootin' at?

YouTube - Granny shooting machine gun!! ]]> Jokes and funny stories Milkman http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60263-granny-shoot-machine-gun.html PICS http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60252-pics.html Mon, 16 Nov 2009 12:22:50 GMT A few Pics to brighten the day! Image: http://i383.photobucket.com/albums/oo274/missismiggins/Donkey.jpg Image:... A few Pics to brighten the day!









And, living out here where English is not the first language, you might find dome of this amusing....

Engrish.com - Part 2 ]]> Jokes and funny stories Missismiggins http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60252-pics.html Deep in the jungle.................. http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60247-deep-in-the-jungle.html Mon, 16 Nov 2009 10:54:43 GMT This British explorer is in the dark jungle, going where no Western man has gone before. Accompanying him is his trusted guide, interpreter, cook,... This British explorer is in the dark jungle, going where no
Western man has gone before. Accompanying him is his trusted
guide, interpreter, cook, and troubleshooter all in one.

One day early in the morning, they arrive at a lake and find a
handsome dark young man taking a morning swim. When he got to
shore and stood up the explorer couldn't help but notice the size
of his penis. The young man had the longest, thickest penis he
had ever seen, or even imagined. He was simply awed. He asked his
guide who this man was.

"He is the prince of the tribe that lives on the other side of
the lake, Sir," came the reply. "This is his morning ritual."

"Ask him," the awed Brit said to his companion, "how did his
penis get to be this size?"

The guide goes to the lake and talks to the man, who seems to get
very agitated by the conversation.

"Well, what did he say?" asked our hero to his assistant on his
return.

"He said, 'Doesn't the white man's shrink in cold water?'" ]]> Jokes and funny stories a. boozer http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60247-deep-in-the-jungle.html Obama meets the Queen http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60165-obama-meets-the-queen.html Sun, 15 Nov 2009 05:59:39 GMT Barack Obama meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "How do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Obama frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?" he asks.

"Oh, that's easy," says the Queen. "You just ask them to answer a simple riddle."

Just then Gordon Brown walks into the room.

"Gordon, your mother and father have a child," says the Queen. "It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Brown answers, "Oh. That would be ... me, your majesty?"

"Yes! Very good," says the Queen.

Upon his return to Washington, D.C., Obama asks Joe Biden the same question. "Joe. Your mother and your father have a kid. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," says Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one." He goes to his advisers and asks every one, but no one can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Robert Gates' shoes in the next stall. Biden asks Gates, "Robert! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Gates responds, "That's easy. It's me!"

Biden smiles, and says, "Thanks!" Then, he goes back to speak with Obama.

"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Robert Gates."

Obama gets up, stomps over to Biden, and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Gordon Brown!" :smileylaughing: ]]> Jokes and funny stories Ghandi http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60165-obama-meets-the-queen.html How to hypnotise yr mates http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60159-how-to-hypnotise-yr-mates.html Sun, 15 Nov 2009 04:50:24 GMT hypnotism site]]> Enjoy - hypnotism site ]]> Jokes and funny stories Wayne Kerr http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60159-how-to-hypnotise-yr-mates.html Thai news we all can use http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60149-thai-news-we-all-can-use.html Sun, 15 Nov 2009 02:11:08 GMT Not The Nation.Com :: The Website you can trust...]]> Not The Nation.Com :: The Website you can trust ::

Proclamation: Thaksin To Be Tarred and Feathered Upon Return

Shall the Dishonourable Thaksin return to The Kingdom hot tar shall be Smeared and a bed of Feathers preparedeth

Should he return to the Kingdom, ousted Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra must spend at least 15 days in the stocks before being tarred and feathered, according to a notice nailed to the front gate of Privy Council President Prem Tinsulanonda's Thewes residence.

Thaksin had no right to determine his fate and must respect the rule of law, said a man outside the house dressed in yellow armor who quickly departed the scene on horseback.

According to the notice signed by the respected privy councilor: Whereas We have taken into Our Consideration the extensive and valuable Acquisitions of Thaksin Shinawatra, pilfered from the Kingdom, before his Fleeing to the town of London in September, Two Thousand and Six Years; and being desirous that all Our loving Subjects, may redeem themselves with all convenient Speed, and be United, I have thought fit, with the Advice of the Privy Council, to issue this our Proclamation, hereby to publish and declare to all our loving Subjects, that we have agreed as follows.

To the great Prejudice of our Interests, and to the great Dissatisfaction of the People, Great Frauds and Abuses have been committed in the Kingdom by the disloyal subject Thaksin Shinawatra, during his Administration of the Kingdom’s Affairs. In order, therefore, to prevent such Irregularities for the future, and to the end that the People may be convinced of our Justice and determined Resolution to remove all reasonable Cause of Discontent, I do, with the Advice of our Privy Council, strictly require, that the disloyal citizen Thaksin Shinawatra be Placed in the Stocks for a Period of 15 days upon his Return, to be extended by Popular Decree to 100 Days, if Our Loving Subjects so entreaty.

And We have also thought fit, with the advice of our Privy Council as aforesaid, that a Selection of Cream Pies may be provided to Loyal Subjects to be Thrown at the Face of said Accused, if so desired.

And We do further declare it to be Our Will and Pleasure, that upon leaving the stocks the Accused will be stripped to his Undergarments, smeared in Hot Tar and rolled in a Bed of Feathers before being released. ]]> Jokes and funny stories chitown http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60149-thai-news-we-all-can-use.html Dear Mr. Grim Reaper http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60139-dear-mr-grim-reaper.html Sat, 14 Nov 2009 16:23:00 GMT Dear Mr. Grim Reaper, So far in 2009 you have taken away my favorite entertainer Michael Jackson, my favorite actor Patrick Swayze, and my... Dear Mr. Grim Reaper,

So far in 2009 you have taken away my favorite entertainer Michael Jackson, my favorite actor Patrick Swayze, and my favorite actress Farrah Fawcett.

Just so you know, my favorite politician is Barack Obama.

Thank you. ]]> Jokes and funny stories chitown http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60139-dear-mr-grim-reaper.html Ireland v France http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60064-ireland-v-france.html Fri, 13 Nov 2009 03:16:18 GMT Irish Soccer Insider :irish:]]> Irish Soccer Insider
:irish: ]]> Jokes and funny stories EmperorTud http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/60064-ireland-v-france.html Riddles http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/59995-riddles.html Thu, 12 Nov 2009 01:45:51 GMT The 5 Riddles.... 1. A murderer is condemned to death.. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the... The 5 Riddles....
1. A murderer is condemned to death.. He has to choose between
three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of
assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that
haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water
for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later
they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together.
How can this be?

3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray
when you throw it away?

4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words
Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?

5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly
you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary
and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact,
nothing is wrong with it. It is highly unusual though. Study it
and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if
you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any
coaching!
 ]]> Jokes and funny stories jandajoy http://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-stories/59995-riddles.html