Blind, Retarded Decorators LTD
...I had the balls to hire them...
This happened a while back but I'm still smarting over the whole affair.
Ok, so 200 baht is a pittance for a days work, but fuck me sideways with a half eaten carrot and call me Wilbur if you most certainly get what you pay for.
Hey, actually, 200 bt for unskilled labour over here is a fucking good salary and with three of the monkies on the case one would EXPECT that a few brain cells maybe fluttering around in at least one of the craniums present and between them a half satisfactory lick of paint might be applied.
But NO!....... NO NO NO NO NO *said and written like that lunatic in Sexy Beast*
Painting a house is obviously the Thai equivalent of Brain Surgery and if my house had been a patient it would be walking about with a trickle of saliva perpetually flowing from the right side of its mute mouth..and saying shit like, "I like the smell of apples and peanuts when the sun is beaming on my bare buttocks"..essentially, properly fucked..
So, paint bought..8 grands worth..a nice subtle pinky colour..I ain't fucking bent, right, I just like pink...and of course the undercoat..
Rollers and brushes were also purchased and the combination of the utensils for the job were reluctantly placed in the hands of the apes hired to do the painting..I also bought some filler but I'm not sure they knew what to do with it..
YOU-RANG-OO-TANG..? ( one corner of my kitchen looks like its been beaten soundly with a 14 pound sledge hammer..AFTER the fucking filler was applied..pics to follow)
Went out for the day and was rather anxious to get back and inspect the results of the first day's work..as suspected, it looked like they'd stuck a small incendiary device under the paint pots and let the fucker rip..paint everywhere..over the door frames, on the windows, on some of my clothes, on my kid's toys..fucking everywhere..
"DUST SHEET" I screamed at the cnuts..
Next day, they applied the colour..fuck me...I think they tried to paint the tiles on the floor from the mess they left..
Seriously, I think a converation of along these lines took place.
Somjit 1: Dooo ya fink ee wonts izz floor painted?
Somjit 2: Dunno, ask the gaffer.
Somjit 1: Dooo ya fink ee wonts izz floor painted, guv?
Somjit 3: Course ee does, but we ain't got enough paint, so flick yer rollers about a bit and hope ee don't no iss.
Somjit 1 + Somjit 2: We'd be lossed wivout ya guv..
"Don't let them anywhere near me or my house again" I spoke decidedly softly to my wife before swivelling deftly on my heels and making a bee line for 'the shop'..where I proceeded to cnut off Thai people to other Thai people for a good hour or so..
S'all a hoot....but I'm still scraping door frames and windows to date..