Results 1 to 24 of 24
  1. #1
    Thailand Expat
    dirtydog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Pattaya Jomtien
    Posts
    58,776

    Thats a Toilet, Not a Throne

    Many of us consider our toilet to be our throne, not only is it used for what it was designed for, but we also read books, play on our tablets and do many other things whilst residing on our thrones, but looking at most they really can't be called thrones, the worst example of course being a Thai squat toilet in a hot room under the stairs, that is not a throne, that is an older form of Thai torture.

    So lets start from the beginning, the temperature, whilst sitting on your throne you do not want to be sweating, you maybe straining but sweating is for pigs and fat people, us gentlemen perspire, whilst we are doing this grammar lesson I should add women don't sweat either, mayber the odd Aussie one does, but when women get hot they glow, so we need either a fan or air-con access in the bathroom to keep oneself cool whilst forcing the demons out, fan is the easiest pointing straight at the toilet but from a reasonable distance, don't want your wig or hair piece blowing all over the place.


    Placement of the toilet is critical, there has to be enough space for you to relax in comfort whilst waiting for nature to take its natural course, for me this area is fine, for my larger friends they would have trouble squeezing in there and wouldn't have such a great experience, but it is my throne and it is for me, so sod them.



    Can you see where it all went wrong

    Placement of the bum gun, it's behind you, as you get older this will become a major obstacle in your life, ie trying to get hold of the bum gun, the bum gun needs to be placed on the wall near to the hand you use most, can't have the master of the throne having to bend over double and crane his neck around just to find the bum gun, place it properly.

    Another thing missing is of course somewhere to place books, magazines or whatever toys they are that you keep in the bathroom, the top of the cistern really doesn't do it, a dedicated cupboard or shelf is the way to go, don't get cheap on this.



    Now this is a fine toilet, maybe change the plastic seat to a wooden one and we are getting closer to that throne experience we are looking for, nice low slung cool looking toilet, obviously you will need to take out any water saving devices, our needs are greater than the rest of the worlds and we don't leave no floaters, throne experience = 1 flush and it's all gone, none of this trying to poke the turds round the bend or multiple flushes, so we need the water, lots of it.



    So, enter your suggestions for turning your toilet into a throne, prizes donated by HASIC.


    This thread was brought to you by HASIC.

    Having A Shit In Comfort.

  2. #2
    On a walkabout
    Loy Toy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Last Online
    Today @ 06:29 AM
    Posts
    28,178
    This thread has given me the shits already.

  3. #3
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Last Online
    05-11-2012 @ 01:38 PM
    Posts
    566
    The triggers on the bum guns pictured are ... well, crap.
    They have a tendency to stick in the open position or fly off altogether.


    Splash out the extra 70 baht for a deluxe model, Global House has dozens, and you'll never find yourself fishing around your poop with your wife's spatula looking for the lost trigger. Still looking for a setup with Pachmayr grips.

  4. #4
    The Pikey Hunter
    Gerbil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Roasting a Hedgehog
    Posts
    12,356

  5. #5
    Member

    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Last Online
    06-03-2013 @ 01:13 AM
    Location
    Chanthaburi
    Posts
    500
    Quote Originally Posted by dirtydog
    us useless gentlemen perspire,
    Fixed it for you.

    Quote Originally Posted by dirtydog
    women don't sweat either, mayber the odd Aussie one does,
    The odd ones are from blighty.

    Quote Originally Posted by dirtydog
    Can you see where it all went wrong
    You were involved??

    Quote Originally Posted by dirtydog
    Placement of the bum gun, it's behind you,
    That's where my bum is...where's yours?

    Quote Originally Posted by dirtydog
    This thread was brought to you by HASIC.
    HAVING A SICK-ARSE IN CHARGE

    Quote Originally Posted by dirtydog
    as you get older
    We'll be guided by you....

  6. #6
    Thailand Expat
    DrAndy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Last Online
    25-03-2014 @ 05:29 PM
    Location
    yes
    Posts
    32,028
    well, DD, it would be an easy job to move the bumgun holder to where you may find it easier to reach

    so hardly "all went wrong"

  7. #7
    Thailand Expat
    Albert Shagnastier's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Last Online
    22-03-2015 @ 09:09 PM
    Location
    City of Angels
    Posts
    7,166


    I like that.

    What you mean, she's always standing by your shitter? give you a handjob if you left your book in the kitchen?
    Excellent work.

  8. #8
    Thailand Expat
    BobR's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Last Online
    28-12-2018 @ 02:07 PM
    Posts
    7,761
    Quote Originally Posted by Panty Hamster View Post
    The triggers on the bum guns pictured are ... well, crap.
    They have a tendency to stick in the open position or fly off altogether.


    Splash out the extra 70 baht for a deluxe model, Global House has dozens, and you'll never find yourself fishing around your poop with your wife's spatula looking for the lost trigger. Still looking for a setup with Pachmayr grips.
    Those things disgusted me at first, now I actually miss them when I go home or to a hotel that does not have them. Damn bit better than the disgusting way we clean ourselves at home, so long as soap is available for hand washing afterwards.

  9. #9
    I am in Jail

    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Last Online
    05-01-2016 @ 03:54 PM
    Location
    In a Madhouse
    Posts
    5,750
    Get A Japanese toilet they wash you arse for you whilst giving you a massage.

  10. #10
    Elite Mumbler
    pickel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Elephant Island
    Posts
    5,693
    Japanese toilets are thrones. Heated seats, ventilation, and a little automatic sprayer that swings out underneath your ass.


  11. #11
    Thailand Expat
    dirtydog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Pattaya Jomtien
    Posts
    58,776
    Ceilings and walls, now your throne room needs to be spacious, this may mean a complete rebuild, but think how much joy there is on a Monday morning after spending Sunday eating the massive roast dinner and downing a load of beer and guiness, so you need the room.

    Nice high ceilings, no claustraphobia feelings, I would go for several lighting moods, soft lighting for those days with the bad hang overs, nice bright lighting for those days when you are full of get up and go, and maybe some normal lighting.

    The walls, if your bathroom isn't big enough to relax in and maybe hold a small party you got to knock down those walls and expand outwards, reckon on a 4 person jaccuzzi, so you need room for 3 female guests, also towel racks, you need towels, lots of them, so get those nice big racks up there and fill them full of nice white fluffy towels.

    Stainless steel grab rails, yeah old age catches up with us all, so think about placement for these, don't want to go to the toilet and find yourself stuck there for the day because you sprained your wrist or something, so grab and safety rails do need to have some thought put into them.

  12. #12
    Thailand Expat
    bobo746's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Last Online
    24-01-2019 @ 09:21 AM
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    14,326
    My throne

  13. #13
    Days Work Done! Norton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Roiet
    Posts
    29,221

    Observations:

    Bum gun is shite. Buy a better one.
    Placement of bum gun on wrong side if right handed. Requires a complicated back hand maneuver rather than a simple reach around.
    Toilet paper on wrong side for a righty.
    Not enough room between toilet and wall/cabinet to do degree of tilt need to apply bum spray to target.

    Good thing is toilet close to sink. Sink doubles as urinal for inebriated.
    Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat
    DrAndy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Last Online
    25-03-2014 @ 05:29 PM
    Location
    yes
    Posts
    32,028
    Quote Originally Posted by Norton
    Sink doubles as urinal for inebriated.
    only if you are tall enough or have a very long dong

  15. #15
    Thailand Expat
    dirtydog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Pattaya Jomtien
    Posts
    58,776
    Quote Originally Posted by Norton
    Toilet paper on wrong side for a righty.
    Quote Originally Posted by Norton
    Placement of bum gun on wrong side if right handed
    Why would you want to drag toilet paper and bum gun over to your right when you have placed them on the left? Got to disagree with your placement, I am right handed, bum gun and toilet paper go on my right, no reaching across and dragging the things across my legs to be able to use them, and how much bum gun pipe do you waste? Over from the left, above your legs, then down and to the right to get to the aiming spot, aint got enough pipe or its going to be tight.

  16. #16
    Thailand Expat klong toey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Last Online
    21-05-2019 @ 07:12 PM
    Posts
    6,003
    Not to keen on low level cisterns prefer high level at least you can pull the chain to flush then.
    Maybe get a better flush as well as the water comes down the pipe with a bit more speed, essential after a 7/11 chili dog blow out.

  17. #17
    Thailand Expat
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    25,802
    Wheres the news rack DD ?

    Gotta have some literature in there.

    I have the Bangkok trader, which I normally pick up on my travels in the rack outside the Robin Hood or Villa Market ( the Pintsman is in this months issue, some networking night)

    My regular read though is amazing Footy Facts....

    Did you know in 1950 India werent allowed to play in the Wo4ld Cup because they wouldnt wear football boots ?

  18. #18
    or TizYou?
    TizMe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Last Online
    Yesterday @ 10:43 PM
    Location
    Bonifacio Global City, Taguig
    Posts
    5,741
    I want one like this:

  19. #19
    Thailand Expat
    DrAndy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Last Online
    25-03-2014 @ 05:29 PM
    Location
    yes
    Posts
    32,028
    stunning!

    but it would give me the shits

  20. #20
    Thailand Expat
    ShrewedPunter's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    4,346
    In Thailand such sights are a welcome relief! Normality, a proper toilet with a flush!

  21. #21
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Last Online
    17-05-2019 @ 02:55 PM
    Location
    Down on the farm
    Posts
    13,573
    ^^^ I also would like one like that. More than anything else in the world, ever..

    "Not now, love. I'm on the piste..."

  22. #22
    ความสุขในอีสาน
    nigelandjan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Frinton on sea and Ban Pak
    Posts
    12,907
    Quote Originally Posted by dirtydog
    Can you see where it all went wrong
    White plastic bog seats ,, a deffo no no ,, if your wife hasn't cleaned your arse properly next time you make a deposit , you will have a brown mark against you

  23. #23
    Suspended from News & Speakers Corner
    LooseBowels's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Last Online
    23-03-2013 @ 04:22 AM
    Posts
    2,763
    Mines a bit like that

    You can't argue with that

  24. #24
    Thailand Expat
    can123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Last Online
    18-01-2019 @ 03:38 AM
    Posts
    5,417
    A friend of mine used one of the those Japanese toilets which had remote control. He used one and found himself in hospital. He asked the nurse what had happened. He could recall pressing a button marked "ATR" then all he could remember was a blinding pain.

    She told him not to worry, he had pressed the automatic Tampax remover, and his testicles were in a glass jar in his locker if he wanted to take them home with him.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •