Rendering

[NickA]

OK, I need a bit of advice (so I'm probably in the wrong place, bet here goes anyway)



I want to render all the walls around my garden - I am a DIY nightmare, but generally enjoy fucking things up and like to get the whole family involved as well.

I would like to know...

What materials and tools I would need
Approximate cost per square metre (or per meter length of wall) for materials
A step by step guide to doing it

Or would I be better off just getting someone who knows what they're doing - if so, what would I expect to pay (again, per square metre)

[lom]

Too late now NickA, you should have paid your part when your neighbours raised the wall.

[dirtydog]

Best bet is to practise with that back wall bit that is surrounded by beams, ie side and top, mix the cement 1 to 2 sand, fine sand that is,"sai Liab". hose down the wall first, chuck your cement on there as smooth as you can, let it harden a bit and smooth it off a bit more, once it is real hard dampen it down a bit more and smooth it down again also adding more cement to the low points, once it is nearly dry go over it with your renderer with a damp sponge stuck on it to get all the sand to the top and then brush this off with a broom.

[Gerbil]

Best bet is to practise with that buck toothed bint that is surrounded by old bats on Soi Yodsak, ie short sighted and deaf, mix the drinks 1 beer to 2 tequillas, fine tequilla that is, "sai Liab". hose down the urinal first, chuck your load on her as smooth as you can, let your knob harden a bit and smooth it off a bit more, once it is real hard, dampen her down a bit more and smooth her down again also adding more spooge to the low points, once she is nearly dry go over her with your tongue with a damp sponge stuck on it to get all the cellulite to the top and then brush this off with a broom.

Good advice there, I'll try to remember it.

[NickA]

dry go over it with your renderer

What's one of them???

Any idea on prices? - cheap as possible, it's going to be a bodge job.

Any specific materials, ie type or make of cement that is preferable?

How much sand and cement will I need per square metre, etc...???

[kingwilly]

Paper Mache Rendering

GLUE
BIG BRUSH
SAND
NEWSPAPER

ok - u mix the glue and some water
tear the newspaper into strips
dip into the glue and place onto the wall
be sure to smooth the paper over the wall
repeat process untill you have desired result.

total cost = cheap as fuck, cos u can nick most of that stuff from work etc

[benbaaa]

Oh, I thought this thread was going to be about what we used to call kidnapping before the Americans changed it.

Carry on, boys.

[lom]

Ok, this is the serious part of the forum so I'll try to stop laughing..

What's one of them???

It's the 1 - 2m long metal ruler lookin thingy that you use in order to get the surface flat.
DD forgot to mention one thing - wet the wall before applying first layer of cement mix.

Now go and do an extra workday or two at your regular job and use that money to pay for the rendering..
It looks simple to do by yourself, and is probably not so difficult.. The second or third time you do it..

[NickA]

^foking it up is the fun part, lom!!!

The walls around the back of the house aren't really in view so I can practice making a mess on them before I start on the garden walls.

I'm skint so I just need to know how much it's all going to cost and to know the difference on cost between doing it myself or getting some buffoon like the dog to come and do it

How much for one of them rendery ruler thingies?

Willy, you are more on my wavelength, I kind of had the idea of using cement and all that but just splodging it on with me hands - the kids would enjoy that!

[kingwilly]

Willy, you are more on my wavelength, I kind of had the idea of using cement and all that but just splodging it on with me hands - the kids would enjoy that!

what are you saying ????

you cant use your hands ? Getting the kids to do it ! good idea and cheap too! dont have to pay for them to go to the movies and u dont have to pay DD to do the job for you!

[Marmite the Dog]

DD forgot to mention one thing - wet the wall before applying first layer of cement mix.

hose down the wall first,

Someone can't read.

I think Nick should have a rendering party and get all the neighbourhood kids involved. The end result could be quite artistic!

[lom]

Someone has a limited english vocabulary. Yepp, that's me

[kingwilly]

^^ dont elephants do that in chiang mai and sell the result to stoopid tourists.?

[lom]

How much for one of them rendery ruler thingies?

3-400 baht. But you'll also need a smaller one ,40x20 cm , wooden or plastic to spread out the cement initially. 20 - 30 baht for them.

You'll also have to buy the big plastic thingy (not in my vocabulary) to mix the render in.
Can be reused as dogbath afterwards.. 800 baht if I remeber correctly.

A spade for showeling the sand, an angled spade/hacker to work the mix in the 'dogbath'..

Cement, best quality, is 130 baht per bag.
Fine sand is 900 baht per cubic meter here, in Bangkok I don't know.

DD has to answer your question of what coverage you get out of one mix. My guess is around 8 sqmeters per cement bag.

Finally you'll have to buy a couple of ricefarmer hats and towels to make it all look genuine..

[NickA]

Ohhh, it's all getting rather complex, isn't it???

[kingwilly]

kids party water cement they can dig up the ground for dirt or sand.

[NickA]

^That little kid is always reading what you just wrote, looks like he's about to laugh at it too!

I hope from now on you don't swear as it might corrupt the youg lad.

[dirtydog]

Use tiger cement, 120baht per bag and fine sand here is 450baht per cubic meter, as for coverage I have no idea, the walls are generally all over the place and can vary between 5mm to 30mm of render to straighten them off.

[kingwilly]

Best bet is to practise with that buck toothed bint that is surrounded by old bats on Soi Yodsak, ie short sighted and deaf, mix the drinks 1 beer to 2 tequillas, fine tequilla that is, "sai Liab". hose down the urinal first, chuck your load on her as smooth as you can, let your knob harden a bit and smooth it off a bit more, once it is real hard, dampen her down a bit more and smooth her down again also adding more spooge to the low points, once she is nearly dry go over her with your tongue with a damp sponge stuck on it to get all the cellulite to the top and then brush this off with a broom.

Good advice there, I'll try to remember it.

i missed this advice earlier....

[NickA]

the walls are generally all over the place and can vary between 5mm to 30mm of render to straighten them off.

More technical jargon dog, the walls have to be straight????

[Dougal]

More technical jargon dog, the walls have to be straight????

Which is the technical word you are having difficulty with Nick? Is it 'wall' or 'straight' - I'm guessing that the word 'straight' is not one you have heard being used in this context before.

[tango]

Here are 3 sites with clear advice on rendering and all things concrete. Hope they help.
BTW, given the low cost of a couple of labourers, and the fact that you need 2 to 3 pairs of strong arms to successfully manouevre a 3 or even 2 meter-long smoothing ruler (renderer) plus a strong back, suggest you opt out of this particular DIY project.

Here u go:
http://www.diydata.com/techniques/stucco/mixes.htm#rendering#rendering
http://www.concretenetwork.com/concrete/concrete_admixtures/index.html
http://www.diydata.com/materials/cement/cement.htm

[lom]

^ I think you can see from his last 2 posts that he is about to pull out

[NickA]

you need 2 to 3 pairs of strong arms

This guy is pretty good and I get him at the pricely sum of a couple of fruit pastels per day, although he does have to take a nap when it gets hot.

[dirtydog]

Well we just got lumbered with this job, this wall is actually an extension built onto the garden wall, so yes it is illegal and the neighbour if he so wished could make them knock it all down, so when you do something like this that is illegal it's probably best to make a nice job of it, this is not a nice job of rendering off a wall that your Thai neighbour would appreciate.