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  1. #1
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    Swampy a.k.a. Bangkok International Airport ( rant!)

    Well! I'm going to have a bit of a rant here about this showpiece for Thailand !

    Last week I had the "pleasure " of a 4 hour stopover in this palace dedicated to welcome visitors to the LOS and certainly would not like to repeat the performance.

    When I was working ( now semi retired) one of my main sources of income, in the latter years, was surveying airports for insurance companies and also writing constructive critiques for airport operators, from a passengers point of view, in order that they can pinpoint problem areas and rectify them .

    From a passengers point of view it has to be one of the most "passenger unfriendly" international airports I have been to .

    1) The single terminal layout means that you have a vast check-in area and a long walk (with luggage) to find the appropriate desk.
    2) The PA system has the speakers way up in the roof and announcements are so distorted you cannot understand them.
    3) All the food outlets are stretched over the complete length of the terminal on a different floor and the PA system does not operate at that level.
    4) Toilets! - Ah ! - wanting to relieve myself of the result of a rather good meal I had the night before I had to visit 4 facilities before I found one operational ! Most had over 50% of the "stalls" out of order and the working ones had overflowing crap from the "out of order" stalls next door flowing across the floor( probably a left over from the yellow shirt occupation .)
    5) No Bar
    6) No area where druggies like me can have a relaxing cigarette - except within small areas outside with nowhere to sit down - and if you step outside the 4 meter square area marked with a red line on the floor a "security" man would point it out.
    7) Security !!!- I ventured into one of the cafes on the food floor and had to push my way through at least 15 fully armed security men who were blocking the walking area watching a bloody football match on the cafe TV!!!
    8) Security ( again!) at the bag Xray you go through an arch and if it "beeps " they run a detector wand over you ( here I must tell you that I have a large and very painful ulcerated burn on one of my legs and can audition for "The Return of the Mummy" as I am bandaged from ankle to above the knee) The dressing has an aluminium foil backing so naturally it "beeped" I rolled up my trouser leg ( cheeky!) and showed the man the bandages and the f*ckin prat tapped the dressing bulge with his bloody wand and I - to my eternal shame - fainted!!! IT F*KIN HURT !!!

    From the insurance point of view -

    1) No signs indicating nearest fire exit
    2) Several unshielded mercury light fittings in the roof ( if the bulb blows then those underneath would be showered with red hot glass)
    3) Taxis parked in front of fire hydrants.
    4) Taxis parked in areas designated for Ambulances and emergency vehicles .
    5) Staff riding baggage conveyors

    And that was just from a casual look around !

    My most lasting memory is ( being an "elderly" falang wandering around) not being able to walk more than a few paces without some snotty nosed dickhead trying to get me to take a taxi to Pattaya !!
    Anybody know where I can get a t shirt with I DONT WANT A F*CKING TAXI SO PISS OFF written in Thai before my next trip

    Rant over

    Anybody else out there in TD land have the same niggles ?

  2. #2
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    Great post. I agree with everything you say. I almost missed my last flight due to not being able to hear the announcements when I was having breakfast.
    I can't believe he tapped your bandaged leg!
    Great idea for a shirt, count me in for 1 if you find them.
    News is what someone, somewhere is trying to suppress - everything else is just advertising.

  3. #3
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    Last time I was with the family my wife and one child had already gone through the baggage screening and I was left with three carry on bags and a child who decided it was time to start screaming.
    The guard came up to me and wanted to check my passport. I looked at him and said no and kept walking. He didn't press the point!

  4. #4
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    I DONT WANT A F*CKING TAXI SO PISS OFF
    XXL in white please

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by MeMock
    I can't believe he tapped your bandaged leg!
    Bloody amazing !!
    Where do they get these people ??

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    I think the T shirt should be slightly amended to include: Taxis, Hotels and Gems

  7. #7
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    Swampy. White elephant wonder of the universe. An embarrassment....

  8. #8
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    ^^ I think I saw a tee shirt for sale along these lines in Phuket last week.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by mediamanbkk View Post
    I think the T shirt should be slightly amended to include: Taxis, Hotels and Gems
    ...and massage, young lady, young boy, and copee lolex

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happyman View Post

    6) No area where druggies like me can have a relaxing cigarette - except within small areas outside with nowhere to sit down - and if you step outside the 4 meter square area marked with a red line on the floor a "security" man would point it out.
    Agree with all your points (and in addition would add that there is no where to get any refreshment after passing the final baggage screen).

    As to the smoking, there are in fact after passport control several places to have a ciggie. Not that easy to get to, but they are there. Before final baggage screen go down to the bottom most floor (basically the 'arrivals floor"). There are a few smoking rooms on that level. After final baggage screen there is a smoking room at the first and last gates (so gate 1 or 1A and gate 8 normally). Of course these are several hundred yards apart so if one is closed, you may not get to the other in time!). You have to go down the gate stairs, then the smoking room is at one end.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gallowspole View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by mediamanbkk View Post
    I think the T shirt should be slightly amended to include: Taxis, Hotels and Gems
    ...and massage, young lady, young boy, and copee lolex
    Agreed... and should be standard issue to all non-thais arriving at the airport

  12. #12
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    I've missed two flights in the last year due to the poor annoucements and distance to the gates from departures, shockingly bad

  13. #13
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    I can feel a barrage of reds coming my way but..... How does anyone who has gotten through immigration then miss their flights. Boarding time / gate are on the boarding pass, there is a layout of the Airport, just a little discipline will get you to the gate on time. Boarding times are normally shown earlier than actual as well.

  14. #14
    Guest Member S Landreth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happyman View Post
    Well! I'm going to have a bit of a rant here about this showpiece for Thailand !

    Last week I had the "pleasure " of a 4 hour stopover in this palace dedicated to welcome visitors to the LOS and certainly would not like to repeat the performance.

    4) Toilets! - Ah ! - wanting to relieve myself of the result of a rather good meal I had the night before I had to visit 4 facilities before I found one operational ! Most had over 50% of the "stalls" out of order and the working ones had overflowing crap from the "out of order" stalls next door flowing across the floor( probably a left over from the yellow shirt occupation .)

    Rant over

    Anybody else out there in TD land have the same niggles ?
    Great Rant! And yes the bathrooms are a left over from the “occupation”. I was at the airport the last day and wanted to get a few pictures of the bathrooms to show TD members they were alright (a few TD members were remarking how bad they must be,.but I thought they would be OK). I walked into two bathrooms and walked right back out as soon as I saw the damage. I would not even touch a faucet handle to see if the water was working. It was filthy.
    I am surprised they haven’t been fixed by now.
    Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thai Pom View Post
    I can feel a barrage of reds coming my way but..... How does anyone who has gotten through immigration then miss their flights. Boarding time / gate are on the boarding pass, there is a layout of the Airport, just a little discipline will get you to the gate on time. Boarding times are normally shown earlier than actual as well.

    I've had gates changed many times at various airports around the world and sods law says they are always opposite ends of the terminal... I never try to listen for the PA anymore, they are always crap I perch near the departure screens although probably not 100% guaranteed to be correct.

  16. #16
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    ^ My MO MMBKK

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by nidhogg
    As to the smoking, there are in fact after passport control several places to have a ciggie. Not that easy to get to, but they are there. Before final baggage screen go down to the bottom most floor (basically the 'arrivals floor"). There are a few smoking rooms on that level. After final baggage screen there is a smoking room at the first and last gates (so gate 1 or 1A and gate 8 normally). Of course these are several hundred yards apart so if one is closed, you may not get to the other in time!). You have to go down the gate stairs, then the smoking room is at one end.
    Passenger friendly indeed !

    From passenger surveys that I have been involved in there is one consistent theme from smokers and non smokers alike when they travel.

    In answer to the question - What do you do during the 2 hour international check-in time ?

    Over 90% reply in variations of the following .

    Check in and get rid of their baggage - get their boarding card telling them what gate and when - have a look around have a snack / drink /ciggie - and relax for an hour or so with perhaps their friends or family who have come to see them off after the hassle of getting to the airport.
    Then , on average , 15 minutes before the boarding time on their card they go through immigration to departure and to their alotted gate .

    Can't be done at Swampy !

  18. #18
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    ^ Or LHR !!

  19. #19
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    Another point I omitted in the original post was that many of the annunciator screens showing departure times had blank areas - probably a leftover from the occupation - but those that were working had either international flights only or domestic flights only meaning if you were looking for a particular flight you first had to find the appropriate screen !
    ( Memo to self - dig around and find either an Insurance company or a PR company that wants a survey done on that dump - I would even reduce my rates just for the pleasure I would get out of it )

  20. #20
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    The real sad aspect about Swampy is that it was in the works for some 10-12 years, with financial and political shenanigans everywhere. With that much time and effort allowed them - they even had the opportunity to compare with other modern airport facicilities worldwide - and they still couldn't get it right. It's not a very serviceable airport at all....when in doubt, copy Singapore or Hong Kong.

  21. #21
    Thailand Expat Bobcock's Avatar
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    As someone who has been involved in airport design, during the last 10 years or so it is policy NOT to allow people to check in then stay outside.

    They want you through immigration immediately. They do not want people who are not travelling there. They are a security nightmare. Heathrow deliberatley designed all T3 outside seating out when they modified the Terminal about 7 or 8 years ago.

  22. #22
    Thailand Expat Bobcock's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rural Surin
    The real sad aspect about Swampy is that it was in the works for some 10-12 years, with financial and political shenanigans everywhere. With that much time and effort allowed them - they even had they opportunity to compare with other modern airport facicilities worldwide - and they still couldn't get it right.
    there was no will to, it was purely there to generate kick backs for TRT. The money was spent to do it properly, but they didn't want it done properly. they wanted cheap.

  23. #23
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    I feel your pain but I cant complain about Old Swampy because Perth airport is a screaming friggin joke and a disgrace to man kind.

    3 planes land simultaneously and the whole system turns into a steaming shit hole, Swamp rocks compared to this.

    Anyway nothing beats Singapore in my humble opinion.
    Stroller is a Yerman faggot.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thai Pom
    How does anyone who has gotten through immigration then miss their flights.
    Fuck knows, but I guess KW has a lot of reletives.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bobcock View Post
    As someone who has been involved in airport design, during the last 10 years or so it is policy NOT to allow people to check in then stay outside.

    They want you through immigration immediately. They do not want people who are not travelling there. They are a security nightmare. Heathrow deliberatley designed all T3 outside seating out when they modified the Terminal about 7 or 8 years ago.
    Nice one !!

    So I am to understand that all the surveys and passenger preference shit I have been doing over the last 20 years was just a - going through the motions - exercise.

    I long suspected it on the passenger side but didn't give a shit 'cos the fees we charged were outrageous !!!

    Insurance was another matter though - at the last count I have done 26 surveys but they were mainly on fire protection both air and land side and ground handling procedures.

    Must meet up sometime over a few could be an interesting evening !

    Cheers !

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