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  1. #1
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    David48atTD's Avatar
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    So you wanted to become an Aussie ...

    Before will admit you to Citizenship, please complete this updated Australian Citizenship test ... and forward a slab of Tooheys New (beer) with your application.

    Guaranteed to be minted ....


    Question 1: On which of these fundamental principles are Australian values based?
    a) Every man for himself
    b) The early bird gets the worm
    c) Rock, paper, scissors
    d) Don't shag a mate's sheila

    Question 2: The Australian system of government is a democratic one. Which of these is NOT allowed in an Australian election?
    a) Lying
    b) Voting
    c) Sausages
    d) Genocide

    Question 3: If you are driving past a house and the residents have left their hard rubbish on the nature strip, what is the most Australian thing to do?
    a) Take all of it
    b) Leave most of it, but take the mattress because honestly there's nothing wrong with it at all, and the TV, which doesn't work but maybe Rob can fix it up
    c) Leave some of your own rubbish with it to save yourself some trouble
    d) Set fire to everything

    Question 4: Religion is important to many Australians. What is the biggest religion in Australia?
    a) Football
    b) Brunch
    c) Homophobia
    d) Islam

    Question 5: An Australian who refuses to get a job and instead lives on Centrelink (government welfare) benefits is known as:
    a) A bludger
    b) A rorter
    c) A criminal genius
    d) Ethnic

    Question 6: Which of these activities could get you imprisoned under Australian law?
    a) Public nudity
    b) Describing Nauru
    c) Questioning the celebrity status of Bindi Irwin
    d) Tweeting

    Question 7: Marriage in Australia is:
    a) Between a man and a woman
    b) Between a man and a woman/ute
    c) Overrated
    d) Required to be reported on Mamamia.com.au

    Question 8: The greatest duty of all Australian citizens is:
    a) The defence of the nation
    b) Stimulating the economy through rampant consumerism
    c) Participating in democracy
    d) Shouting on talkback radio

    Question 9: The Australian coat of arms features a kangaroo and an emu. Why were these two animals chosen?
    a) They are the only two animals in the world that can't move backwards
    b) They are the only two animals in the world that can't digest lactose
    c) They are the only two animals in the world that still have a thriving manufacturing sector
    d) They are the only two animals in the world that know the words to the national anthem

    Question 10: Sexism is:
    a) The Australian way
    b) Generally a bad thing but occasionally OK as long as it's done patriotically
    c) Something immigrants do
    d) Fictional

    Question 11: The history of white Australia's relationship with the country's original inhabitants is a problematic one. Which of these is a good way for citizens to address this sensitive issue?
    a) Watch Cathy Freeman's victory in the 400m at the 2000 Olympics on YouTube
    b) Meet and speak to at least one Aboriginal Australian
    c) Join the One Nation Party
    d) Briefly consider not wearing blackface to your next party

    Question 12: Australia is a multicultural country made up of people from myriad different cultures and backgrounds. How does Australia maintain social cohesion given this incredible diversity?
    a) Teaching everyone the correct pronunciation of "pho"
    b) Defunding SBS relatively slowly
    c) Showing civility and respect to all fellow citizens no matter where they come from or what they are screaming at us on a bus
    d) Letting black people play football with us

    Question 13: Every person who wishes to become an Australian citizen must first have:
    a) A job
    b) A car
    c) A personality disorder
    d) Sex

    Question 14: Who chooses the Australian Prime Minister?
    a) The people
    b) A shadowy cabal of faceless men
    c) Alan Jones
    d) God

    Question 15: What is the correct way to address a fellow Australian citizen in public?
    a) "Mate"
    b) "Maaaaaaaaate"
    c) "Hey wanker"
    d) "You wanna f***in' go?"
    .
    Get cracking ...
    .
    Perspective is everything ... it's the difference between going through an ordeal or going through an adventure..

  2. #2
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    wasabi's Avatar
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    I couldn't find the little white dot that should appear next to answers ABC and D that you click on for your answer. There's no tick key on My keyboard .

  3. #3
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    fcuk orf you cnut , what time does the pub open

  4. #4
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    wasabi's Avatar
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    ^ Question 11 ans D.

  5. #5
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    Little Chuchok's Avatar
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    ^Only Aussies

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muddywaters
    Who drinks Tooheys New anymore?
    Quote Originally Posted by Little Chuchok
    ^Only Aussies
    Only Sydneysiders, Victorians and Tasmanians wouldn't touch that elephant piss if it was free. The only thing possibly worse is 4X or anything from South Australia or Western Australia.In fact any beer that doesn't come out of Victoria or Tasmania.

  7. #7
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    David48atTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hugh Cow View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Muddywaters
    Who drinks Tooheys New anymore?
    Quote Originally Posted by Little Chuchok
    ^Only Aussies
    Only Sydneysiders, Victorians and Tasmanians wouldn't touch that elephant piss if it was free. The only thing possibly worse is 4X or anything from South Australia or Western Australia.In fact any beer that doesn't come out of Victoria or Tasmania.
    Tooheys New ... if it's free ... it's for me.

    Well, bugger me (figuratively, not literally) ... been 10 years since this ad was made.

  8. #8
    peckerwood SKkin's Avatar
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    David48 I think you may have left off one of the questions...

    Question 16: Which country is the asshole of the world?

    a)USA
    b)Australia
    c)New Zealand
    d)England

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