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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Project: The defamation of Harry Potter

    After recently absorbing the entirety of the Harry Potter compilation with interest, I have been able to surmise, with not a little distaste, that the author has created the most abhorrent assemblage of characters in the history of modern literature.

    The notion of the Potter series being a family read is utterly flawed, In fact, to use one of J.K Rowling's twisted conceptions as an analogy, these 'children's books' have more flaws than Hogwarts, and anyone who's ever embarked on this perilous literary campaign will surely concur that the school of witchcraft and wizardry in question has an absolute shed load of them. The distance that the students have to cover between lessons is tantamount to child abuse. There's simply no essence in undertaking a viking hike just to learn how to say Alakazam or other such hocus-pocus, but woe betide the fucker who shows up late to one of 'Professor Snape's Potions lessons, because that poor soul is likely to be subjected to several hours of robust psychological and physical torture.

    From the outset, as the reader, we are encouraged to empathise with Potter's plight.

    A poor little orphan boy with a gaping head wound who lives in a cupboard under the stairs, suffering the incessant persecutions of his aunt, uncle and cousin.

    Just for a minute or so, depending on how fast a reader you are, one is coerced into believing that young Harry is a harmless and affable fellow who got lumbered with the shitty end of stick.

    However, just as the world's population begins shedding unified tears of sympathy for 'poor Harry Potter', something quite, quite unprecedented transpires.

    Potter, the little fuck, initiates a an extensive tete a tete with a Burmese bastard python, and, wait for it, promptly goes about employing powerful sorcery in order to liberate the fucking thing from its aquarium, allowing the extremely powerful serpent to terrorize the occupants of the reptile house, which include a bus load of primary school children.

    Potter!

    You're a venomous oik, Potter!

    You should have died before the books were even written, Potter!


  2. #2
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    ...and then the slimy little twat has the balls to cop off with his best mate's sister.

    Modern day superheros are so fucking feckless.

    Fuck off, Potter.

  3. #3
    I am in Jail

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    He also has some dodgy-dealing with a horse, wait a minute ,is that Harry Potter.
    I'll just get me coat.

  4. #4
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    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jamiejambos
    He also has some dodgy-dealing with a horse
    That might be Buckbeak you're referring to - a homicidal Hippogriff with control issues.

  5. #5
    Lord of Swine
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by jamiejambos
    He also has some dodgy-dealing with a horse
    That might be Buckbeak you're referring to - a homicidal Hippogriff with control issues.


    Daniel Radcliffe---Equus....





    Caution, link may contain traces of bestiality and Harrry's magic wand.

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