Thread: Thailand:- A Rich Thai, a Comfortable Thai, actually anyone, in Thailand has a ...

A big fucking one of these!


Mr F:- Honey, Tee Rak ... I've bought a spare pump for the well, just in case this old one dies while I'm away off shore.
I'll be gone a couple of months this time, double roster ... make sure you take care of everything ... OK?

Miss T:- Sure, no problem. Lub you Marrk

Two months later Mr T returns to his love nest ...

Miss T:- Water no good. Can not flushy flushy. Kei mark mark.

Mr F:- No problems, I'll fix the well tomorrow.

Next Day

Mr F:- Looking, looking in the unlocked storeroom for the spare pump. Few things moved around ... mumbles to himself ... "I'm sure I put it here".

Mr F:- Honey, any idea where that spare Pump I bought is? I'm sure I put it in the storeroom for an emergency.

Miss T:- quiet ...

After a minute of no response.

Mr F:- Honey, did you hear what I asked you?

Miss T:- yes

Mr F:- Soooooooooooooooo?

Miss T:- So what?

Mr F:- So, do you know where the pump is that I bought?

Miss T:- Yes

Silence ...

Mr F:- Great ... I've been looking for it, we urgently need to replace ours and I specifically bought it for that reason.
Honey ... did you move it? where is it now?

Miss T:- My Bother-in-Law's Neighbour's Son

Mr F:- Huh ... I'm asking about my pump ... not really the time to talk about your ... umm ... Bother-in-Law's Neighbour's Son!
So, where is the pump?

Miss T:- Bother-in-Law's Neighbour's Son

Starting to get a little flustered now ...

Mr F:- I don't see the connection .. I'm just looking for my pump ... we need it ... urgently!
Maybe I didn't explain myself clearly ... so, where is the pump?

Miss T:- Bother-in-Law's Neighbour's Son
Clenching of teeth now ...

Mr F:- OK, I have no idea why he has it, and I don't care, but can you phone to him and ask him to return it please.
Damm, I hope he hasn't played with it and removed it from it's packing.

Miss T:- Difficult to do

Mr F:- No, it's not, just pick up the phone and call him ... you have his number I presume.

Miss T:- yes

maybe a minute passes ...

Mr T:- soooooo?

Miss T:- So what?

Audible clenching of teeth, for the second time
Mr F:- So, please phone your Bother-in-Law's Neighbour's Son and ask him to return the said pump ... with the packaging AND the instructions ... God know how difficult it was to find a pump in Thailand with English instructions.

Miss T:- quiet

Mr F:- Honey ... did you hear what I asked you to do?

Miss T:- Yes

Mr F:- so ... can you phone him please ... I really need to get this pump working again for our Family.

Miss T:- quiet

Mr F:- This is getting beyond a joke, pick up the fucking phone, call that dipshit, lazy, good for nothing Bother-in-Law's Neighbour's Son and demand MY pump back.

Miss F:- quiet

Maybe 30 secs later ...

Miss F:- sorry, can not

Maybe clearly stunned by that reply ... 30 secs later ...

Mr F:- OK ... please explain to me why you can't do what I ask?

Miss T:- I can

Mr F:- GREAT ... please phone NOW ... I should be able to get the water on by sundown. Flush the toilet and you can wash that pile of clothes in the morning.

Miss T:- I can not

Mr F:- You can phone him but cannot phone him? Have I got that correct?

Miss T:- Yes, correct

Mr F:- a few expletives muttered under breath.

Mr F ... draws a long breath and asks ... Honey ... why not?

Miss T:- Instantly relies ... why not what?

Mr F:- now on the tipping point, punches the nearest inanimate (and inexpensive) object he can find and draws, maybe the longest breath in his entire life, struggling to maintain composure and, in maybe an octave higher then his usually composed self asks ... Honey, Tee Rak, love of my life ... why can't you phone your Bother-in-Law's Neighbour's Son and politely ask him to return my pump?

MissT:- because he use it now

Mr F:- What you mean he use it now? (notice how your grammar declines when arguing with a Thai and the argument is heated ... lowest common denominator and all that)

Miss T:- he use it now ... he no problem now. before he hab problem, but he no hab problem now. fixed now ... she comfortably

Mr F:- OK ... another breath, but shorter then before. Let me see if I have this correct (his grammar has returned) ... MY pump, which I bought for OUR family you have lent ... NO, given to your Bother-in-Law's Neighbour's Son ... correctamundo ? ... she understands this term ... not learnt in a School English Class.

Miss T:- quite proudly says an affirmative YES ... I give him ... he need it. We have spare one, you not use. why you need two? he broken, he need ... he no need now. what you problem?

Mr F:- My problem is that we have a shitter that is filled to the brim, a mountain of unwashed clothes soon to eclipse the Matterhorn, no fucking water whatsoever and you ask me what the fucking problem is ... sheeeeesh!

Miss T:- what sheeeeeeesh mean ... you had new girl? she hab good water? can wash clothes her house?

Mr F:- You lot ... fucking _ are _ unbelievable

Miss F:- you no believe me ... I give pump to Bother-in-Law's Neighbour's Son ... sure and he very happy. says he should buy Faland new one.

Mr F:- so, please let me hang of this minuscule glimmer of hope, (he's thinking, but not game to say ... there is a God, we are not forsaken) ... you mean he buy same pump and it waiting his place to give back to us? (Grammar gone to the dogs ... again)

Miss F:- No ... why you ask? he no buy anything. why he need to buy? ... his pump good, made Germany. he said difficult to buy here, expensive mark maarrk
oh, he say thank the falang, he buy quality pump

Mr F:- His Pump! His Pump! It's my fucking pump and you gave it to some somechai you hardly know.

Miss F:- he no sumchai, he Family. you no love me, no love family?

Mr F:- huh ... he's your Bother-in-Law's Neighbour's Son

Miss F:- yes, you are smart man now, he family

Mr F:- ...



Later Mr T awakes , heads a bit sore from hitting the floor. Sits up, rubs the back of his head ... no blood, so a mild concussion at best.

He thinks, fuck this ... I'm going to the Pub. It's not far away. Easy enough to walk there, but bit of a stumble home. It's a fine clear night, no hint of rain ... thinks, I'll ride the bike down ... the fresh air might clear my head.

So, Mr F starts to walk out, goes to grab the Hondas Wave's keys on the way and they are not there.

Mr F:- Honey ... where are the keys to the Honda?

Miss T:- Not there?

Mr F:- Yes, they're not there ... where they usually are. Actually, I didn't see the bike parked in it's usual spot. I hope the bike wasn't dropped while I was away.

Miss F:- Sure, not dropped

Mr F:- GREAT ... BTW, where is the bike?

Miss T:- Khun Win has it

Mr F:- Khun Win? Khun Win? ... thinks about it for a moment ... Win ... isn't he that guy down the road, the motorcycle courier/taxi?

Miss T:- Yes, that him

Mr F:- OK, pray tell, why does he have our bike?

Miss T:- He bike, tyre, no air, problem for him.

Mr F:- So you lent him our bike?

Miss T:- no

Mr F:- No?

Miss T:- Yes, no ... said with confidence, her English feels good now

Mr F:- what you mean yes/no

Miss T:- oh, he no borrow, he rent ... give me 100 baht/day
I good business woman, no?

Mr F:- About now, I don't care, I'm close to giving up.

Miss T:- why give ... better to rent him

Mr F:- ...

Originally Posted by taxexile

Why does she talk like some 1950s cheechee caricature? Is this ridiculous piece of racist crap meant to be funny?

why do you consider it racist to accurately portray the speech patterns of many thais when speaking english.

.

I don't and he wasn't.

"flushy-flushy"! Who the hell has EVER said that? For fucks sake, is she 6 years old? Of course I could be misreading the whole thing and it's really a rib-tickling satire of monolingual short-tempered geriatric fuckwits way out of their depth a long, long way from home. In which case, good one!

^ Yes Troy, I agree with a lot of what you wrote.

---

I have an oldish Toyota and the senior Thai Male Adult drives it here when I'm not around. He has his own car, but occasionally uses mine as he has a old 2 door pick-up and mine is one of those 4 door pick-ups with an enclosed rear tray. His is good for hauling Farm Gear and mine good for hauling people.

Of course there is no Mr F nor Miss T.

I could have just wrote ... damm, I'm tired of returning to Thailand and find that someone has helped themselves to some of my gear and not replaced it or has broken it.

This time I've bought a large storage box and a lock ... but that would be a bit drab.

---

Do conversations similar to the OP happen in Thailand ... sure.

The general themes of the conversation in the OP are ...

'Who' is considered as Family is much different then we have in the West.

'Social Ownership' of personal items.

General avoidance of questions, silence, if the respondent doesn't want to answer or, if the answer is embarrassing.

General speech patterns when a Thai has a very limited vocabulary and is mentally speaking Thai in their head and then converting those Thai Words to English and trying to clumsily rearrange them into a coherent sentence.

Would 'Flushy Flushy' ever be used ... probably not ... but I used the term to exaggerate my point.

The extent to which we, as Westerners plan for the future, for contingencies is generally at a much higher level then what the Thais do.


One example ...

We live on the Farm where we are in Thailand. It's not my Farm. Currently there are 6 Thai Adults, myself, a couple of Thai teenagers, a Thai pubescent girl who, at the age of 10 still sometimes wears nappies to bed and, when she forgets, occasionally soils the bedding and her clothes and my two 3 yo.
From that lot, quite a bit of washing is generated.

At the Farm the water supply is a trickle. No mains pressure water here. Water is collected and stored in Jars, tubs and barrels to be used at a later date.

The twin tub washing machine is filled either by hand buckets from the urn/barrel or by waiting anywhere between 15 mins and an hour depending on the water pressure delivery. Hours may pass where there is no water.

I do the clothes washing ... yes, snicker snicker. Don't cook, clean or wash-up bla bla ... but I wash our clothes.

Often that storage tub is near to empty because no-one was bothered to refill it ... why should they ... they got their washing done, not their problem now. It becomes the problem of the next person. Thainess ...

So I bought a second plastic tub to store the water in so that there would sufficient to do a complete wash and separate rinse cycle.

When I finish the washing I refill both containers AND put water in the Washing Machine for the next person.

On Friday, my University educated Thai Partner had a moment of Thainess and questioned my practice of preparing the washing machine for the next user and was genuinely concerned that I might damage the washing machine by storing some water in it.

I shrugged my shoulders, turned the washing machine knob to 'Drain', mumbled a few choice words under my breath, grabbed a couple of beers, retired to the bedroom and had a bit of a 'larf' and typed the story in the OP.

Sure, this post could have been the OP ... but that would have been a bit boring ... heh


EDIT:-

As a side note, more then 1/2 the posts have been removed. In one of those posts, might still be here, don't know, it was inferred that I'm racist.
Well, that's a strong NOPE from me.
Is the OP derogatory to Thais?
Yes, No, Maybe ... depends on your perspective.

A freshly minted Ex-Pat, full of PC might read the conversation and call to hang me high for my cultural insensitivity ... the Thais he's met aren't like that.

Someone who has lived in the country with a Thai Partner in a Thai Village, not in an insular MooBahn, might raise a rye smile.

A Thai reading it, should it have been typed in Thai might say .. yes, and your point is?

Perspectives change from person to person.


I see most of living in the Thai Lane where I am. The stealing, the Drugs, the Drug Sellers, thankfully not the Gambling, the Mia Nois (2 in fact), the Thais with multiple partners ... one has both a Thai bf AND a western bf.
The Thai one knows about the Western one, but the Western one is fairly clueless. I talk to them both. After 9 months of being in the West with the western bf, she returned to Thailand and her Thai bf collected her at the Airport ... not a problem.

The boy here, who turned 13 and was given a motorbike by his parent and grandmother. I protested ... and ignored.

The Dees and the Toms.

How those Mia Nois mentioned above have affected the social structure of the Thai Family I live with.
For those curious, the first Mia Noi was accepted, his wife and the Mia Noi actually talk to each other if they cross each others path, but the second Mia Noi who I've actually met is a step to far.

The Thai parents who have abandoned their kids and the child upbringing falls to who ever is around at the time.

I cope by trying to understand Thainess, accept what I can, influence where and what I can, having the smarts to to let the rest just simply wash over me.

BTW ... Farm life is great. the extended Family, while annoying at times is also very supportive of my kids and, to lesser extend, me.

It's certainly educational to live up front and personal in a large Thai Family. It makes you appreciate more the lessons learnt and values upheld from living in the West, and, at the same time, value the freedom that you get in Thailand ... really the best of both worlds.

I could recant more, maybe another time ...

So ... if you read some of my posts and think I'm raciest, I'm not ... usually I'm just relaying my experiences and telling it like it happened ... without the sugar coating.