Dear Lifeline I have been having some problems in my relationship that I think you can help me with. How does God make His will known? I got a message from a friend of mine who says that God told him that the guy I am going out with now is not God's will for me. I would really like to know if this is true, but I'm quite confused right now. So exactly how does God reveal His will concerning marriage, and how well can I trust this prophesy? Thank you for your help!
Dear Joan
Thank you for your letter. I am concerned that your friend has caused you this anxiety about your relationship. Were there problems anyway or is it purely as a result of the doubts cast into your mind by your friend. My problem is that I do not know his motive, he may be well meaning but wrong, he may have received a word from God but even if he has then it is not always right to give it immediately or in a blunt way or alternatively it may be he has other agendas himself. Prophecy when it is from God will be in line with His word and His will and purposes in your life. I always recommend that in a situation such as this, that the person seeks or awaits confirmation from a total of three different sources.
In relation to your boyfriend I have a number of questions to ask?
- Is he a Christian? If he is not then this is the first problem as you are unequally yoked. You are a child of God wanting to walk in obedience whilst you boyfriend will have other aims and objectives.
- Assuming he is a Christian, is he treating you with respect? Is he wanting you to have sexual intimacy which should only take place in marriage? If so, then this questions his commitment to God and obedience to Him but it also questions his ability to be faithful for if he is unfaithful to God over sexual matters then there is the higher risk of unfaithfulness in marriage. It also questions his attitude to you. If he sees you as a sexual object, does he want you for you or for the physical experience?
- If you have answered no to both of the above, then at least you both share your faith and are keeping yourselves pure sexually. The question then is whether there are things that you find difficult in him which you want to change. If so, beware, as the chances are that he will not change once you are married. It is normally the time when people are on their best behaviour!
- Is he moving on with God, do you both share the same hopes and dreams as Christians in what you believe God is calling you to?
- Do you share your attitudes towards children, home life, housework, finances etc? If not, discuss it carefully.
- After a positive answer to all of the above one final question? Can you imagine life with him for the rest of your life? If yes. Then how about the reverse, can you imagine life without him? This last one is often very telling.
You may ask where is God in all this? The key to it all is that is you are walking with God in obedience, putting your trust in Him, then as you remain true to God then you will know in your heart whether the relationship is right. You may have desire for a person but often we know deep down inside whether we feel comfortable before God with this person.
If it is right I ask God to bless your relationship richly, yet if it is wrong may God clearly show you this in such a way that you know that it should end.