Yesterday was New Year's Eve. Today is New Year's Day.
December 31st. And January 1st.
Just another 24 hours in the cycle of unrelenting tedium which comprises my existence.
I must confess, however, to liking tedium. I revel in tedium. One can seek solace in tedium. In tedium one is generally safe. With tedium, coming to in a ditch with one's underpants around the ankles doesn't tend to transpire - which is almost always a good thing.
So when I journeyed to my local shop last night and stumbled into a snap-shot of seasonal savagery, I was most perturbed to note that I was dangerously close to operating outside the realms ennui.
The place looked like a fucking abattoir: decomposing peasants brandishing blood-thirsty snarls danced with flaying limbs, taunting me with the occasional pelvic thrust.
The natives were indeed restless.
I opined that relocating to purer pastures would be somewhat more conducive to spending a peaceful hour with my book - the hysteria in this war-torn settlement was esculating by the second.
Before I could act, I was rudely accosted by an unskilled farmhand who queried by way of a deafening bellow where would I be going for 'countdown'.
Dear sir, while you and your ilk are in the midst of a drunken '3...2...1 Sawadee Bpee Mai' I shall be in a blissful state of slumber, and if the cheese works its magic, entertaining a harem of sparsely clad sluts, each armed with a Tesco Lotus carry bag full of obscenely formed root vegetables.
He cackled inanely, long and hard. A response I couldn't really blame him for.
After imbibing such gargantuan slurps of undiluted death, it's surely the only viable retort:
It was after this discussion that the real idiocy began.
Deciding to humour some of regulars by joining them in a glass of beer, I couldn't help but notice a young man standing on the road in front of the shop lighting a cheap rocket, and yes, aiming it in the direction of one of my fellow patrons.
*Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*
*BANG*
And there began The Great Firework War of Isaan
Amid the crossfire I opened my book and dispatched a chapter.
Tedious fuckers.