Buying Good Luck.- Thai Style.

**arfursixpence** · 27-02-2012, 08:41 PM

I forget if it was last week or the week before, but it doesn't really make much difference but anyway, I was stupidly persuaded to drive 10km to pick up the mother in law a "new" Jowtie. She already has a large collection of these useless bits of fancy concrete, but to save a concrete face from the wife I bit my tongue and did the business.

In between the purchase of the new Jowtie, the sister has returned from Bangkok, and for a want of a better description, as Tom Waits once sung " Like a spent piece of jet trash"

So, now the sister is living back with the MINLINLTF (Mother In Law I'd Not Like To Fuck) She (the sister) has debts in BKK of 20K, just to be able to leave the appartment that she has been renting which she hasn't paid the bills!

Kept my mouth shut on that one....there is no good samaritan here anymore, trust me!

So despite them all being skint, what would you think happened today? Pay off some debt? get a job? swim the English Channel?

No, we took the Jowtie that they bought before back to the shop because it was the wrong colur, we exchanged the Jowtie for a one in the "correct colour", then we proceeded to buy TWO MORE FUCKING JOWTIES OF ENORMOUS PROPORTIONS, two more bags of cement and twenty breeze blocks.

The first problem I had was fitting it in - I mean this shit should be brought on a small lorry - but no - the place was busy and MINLINLTF wanted it today -so

It took 4 blokes to load this shit into the back of my pick up, and about an half hour of arranging it so it would actually fit, they couldn't even close the tailgate! I even had a three foot Jowtie ladder on the back seat of the car that allows Jowtie to climb into his little house, and a small set of steps (probably so he get up into the bath under the passenger seat)

The funniest thing that I had to laugh about later was that when we got to MINLINLTF ' s home, there was ME to unload the shit!

Can you imagine you are virtually skint and your kids need a bit of help in settling some bills so they can move home and instead - you go and buy Jowtie and a MEGA Jowtie? These fuckers are round the twist!

**kingwilly** · 27-02-2012, 08:49 PM

What's a jowtie?

**Rural Surin** · 27-02-2012, 08:52 PM

Originally Posted by Sir Wilson

What's a jowtie?

Spirit House...

**arfursixpence** · 27-02-2012, 08:54 PM

Originally Posted by Sir Wilson

What's a jowtie?

It is those horrible little concrete fancy painted "Spirit" houses that they seem so keen on - They are Bhuddists you know!!!!!

I thought Bhudda said not to build/worship temples etc. But these people worship Animism!

Monks cannot touch money - how many times do you see those fuckers at cashpoints and buying mobile phones?

Bhuddists keep their bodies pure, normally vegetarians - How many times do you see these lot paying homage to the Jowtie with whisky and slaughtered chickens?

Yes, I know Catholic priests aren't supposed to fuck little boys, but shit happens.

This religious shit has a lot to answer for.

**gudtymchuk** · 27-02-2012, 09:01 PM

Ahhh..... To Jowtie or not to Jowtie.... that is the question?

**superman** · 27-02-2012, 09:01 PM

Originally Posted by arfursixpence

Monks cannot touch money - how many times do you see those fuckers at cashpoints and buying mobile phones?

Cnut near me drives a fcuking Merc.

**arfursixpence** · 27-02-2012, 09:06 PM

Then, just to top off my day, I needed to get a few photos printed, two passport size and two of me and the family happily smiling outside our home, for the immigration application.

After about half an hour, they eventually managed to connect my Flashdrive to their PC, (There are 3 Thai working in the shop) The mother, a girl with teet that looks like jaws (those stupid braces they wear) and a 50 year old retard that couldn't get off his lazy arse to help with anything)

Anyway, Jaws on the computer was permanently logged on to Facebook, she couldn't even manage to hook up or read the Flashdrive, so kindly I helped, loaded the drive and showed her the file)

Then Mother took me into the backroom and did my passport photographs, we waited twenty minutes, then they told me can you come back in two hours as my son needs to print them out for you - he is almost back from the city......

Yes, two hours later we go back and the fucker is still not back!

Why do these fuckers just lie? Why don't they just give an honest answer - Do they really think that by making me drive a 15KM round trip to find out the only person in their shop who can print photos is still not home will make me want to give them more business?

I can tell you a very good story about a friend Siam TV and a washing machine that will prove the point should you need to know!

They are fucking annoying.

**arfursixpence** · 27-02-2012, 09:10 PM

Originally Posted by superman

Originally Posted by arfursixpence

Monks cannot touch money - how many times do you see those fuckers at cashpoints and buying mobile phones?

Cnut near me drives a fcuking Merc.

I had a discussion one drunken night with my Niece, who has been to the USA and Japan on awards she achieved from school - Yes she is Thai and she is one of the few I have seen to try and actually better her situation and education. SHE WORKED HARD!

I asked her about what she thought of the monks here - My opinion is that they are Kaw Tan - (Beggars) and that most of them were unemployable ex criminals or useless pieces of shit - Guess what? She agreed - but she also told me that even though many Thais think like this, they dare not speak this!

I think it is time for Carradine, Death Race 2000 and 50 points for one of these bare footed dogs when you are driving! Post your score on TD!

**Marmite the Dog** · 27-02-2012, 11:10 PM

Originally Posted by arfursixpence

The funniest thing that I had to laugh about later was that when we got to MINLINLTF ' s home, there was ME to unload the shit!

Only a complete doormat would unload it.

**Smug Farang Bore** · 28-02-2012, 12:08 AM

Originally Posted by superman

Originally Posted by arfursixpence

Monks cannot touch money - how many times do you see those fuckers at cashpoints and buying mobile phones?

Cnut near me drives a fcuking Merc.

There was a couple slumming it in business class having a good feed too.

**Rural Surin** · 28-02-2012, 09:18 AM

Originally Posted by Smug Farang Bore

Originally Posted by superman

Originally Posted by arfursixpence

Monks cannot touch money - how many times do you see those fuckers at cashpoints and buying mobile phones?

Cnut near me drives a fcuking Merc.

There was a couple slumming it in business class having a good feed too.

I believe, still, they fly free of charge on Thai Airways....yes?

Must be nice.

**arfursixpence** · 28-02-2012, 10:15 PM

[quote=Marmite the Dog;2030406]

Originally Posted by arfursixpence

The funniest thing that I had to laugh about later was that when we got to MINLINLTF ' s home, there was ME to unload the shit!

**arfursixpence** · 28-02-2012, 10:21 PM

Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog

Originally Posted by arfursixpence

The funniest thing that I had to laugh about later was that when we got to MINLINLTF ' s home, there was ME to unload the shit!

Only a complete doormat would unload it.

Sorry, but you are wrong on that one! - It has nothing to do with being a doormat, It is the initial stupidity of the daft bastards "NEEDING" - Yes, the NEED it NOW kind of thing, they probably have some fucking old twat from the village that has to have it before the sun sinks to the horizon to make sure of their luck!

Only a complete heartless [at][at][at][at] would sit in a car and let two women and a 75 year old woman unload it - I am not that kind of a [at][at][at][at], maybe you are, but it doesn't matter at the end of the day, I know how stupid these buggers are, but I would never stoop as low as to sit in the car and watch women try and unload that sort of shit!

The old MIWLTF actually came over and offered me 100 Baht for the Diesel, I know their circumstances, I am not in a position to help financially, but do you really think I would stoop so low as to take 100 Baht off a 75 year old penniless old crone? I do have a few morals and principles. I often make a joke about them, and often have a laught at their expense, (only on these farang forums) most of it is light hearted, I know they are as mad as hatters, so am I in many ways, but I would hope that if your fucking grandmother ever needed a hand some fucker with a bigger heart than you would get out of their car and help her! Doormat or not, I get a laugh out of them, they probably get a laugh out of me, who cares? It ends up 50/50

And if you had ever visited the MILF I wouldn't like to fucks village, there are simply no blokes around to help! Decent kids are off to school, most are fucking other kids high on Ya Bah or sleeping off last nights drink and drugs! It is not like she can even go and ask for help - besides, I am fucked too - imagine doing a 30 k school run with half a dozen fucking Jowties swing around in the back of the pickup!

You probably live in a civilized (as far as it goes) part of Thailand - I bet every fucking room you have has "Air Con"......

**arfursixpence** · 28-02-2012, 10:36 PM

Originally Posted by Rural Surin

Originally Posted by Smug Farang Bore

Originally Posted by superman

Originally Posted by arfursixpence

Monks cannot touch money - how many times do you see those fuckers at cashpoints and buying mobile phones?

Cnut near me drives a fcuking Merc.

There was a couple slumming it in business class having a good feed too.

I believe, still, they fly free of charge on Thai Airways....yes?

Must be nice.

Please God don't start me off! We have been down to CM Airport Plaza today, and the fucking I-Stuff shop and the I-gear or whatever it is called was hogged by these fucking orange robed filth! Why on earth are they not confined to their temples?

Can they get in touch with Bhudda on a fucking Samsung Galaxy ? They make a mockery of religion.

I am not a religious person, as you may have guessed, but I fucking hate these disgusting fucking hypocrites that pretend they are delivering the word of god/Bhudda. It makes me sick!

**arfursixpence** · 28-02-2012, 10:55 PM

Do you know, I have been travelling here to Thailand since 1997, living here for the past 8 years and tonight was the first time in my life that I went to Sizzler!

My son has been pestering me for months maybe even years to visit this place to try a steak ( The wife refuses to eat beef after she had a dream about buffalo crying??????????)

Anyway, I took him tonight, what a pile of absolute SHIT!

One thousand Baht for food I wouldn't give the dog! - (Mind you, I don't give the dog any food anyway) But this stuff was tasteless garbage, has (anyone English) tried the beetroot at the salad bar? How in gods name can anyone eat boiled beetroot unless it has been pickled in vinegar??? It is worse than eating raw potato!

Everything on their salad bar actually tastes of NOTHING, so you should be OK if you despise food.

And the steaks...............Mine was like a shoe, I guess it must have run for its life before they hacked it to death. My sons was like velvet, but tasted of nothing!

Do yourselves a favour and go to a Thai Barbeque for 25% of the price it was complete shit.

I have never ever seen anyone ruin a baked potato as Sizzler does, it was like warm ice cream stuffed into the middle of a potato, who on earth wants to eat that shit? The peppers were all burned to the bottom of their "Sizzle Pan" and made everything else taste like burned shit. (So were the onions -nauseating)

The only redeeming feature of the entire meal was the Chocolate Mousse! and by the time you got to eat that it was almost time to chuck your guts up in the bog!

**tsicar** · 28-02-2012, 11:03 PM

[quote=arfursixpence;2031230]
Only a complete heartless [at][at][at][at] would sit in a car and let two women and a 75 year old woman unload it quote]

or any ordinary thai male.

seen them buying a bag of cement at the hardware many times, and the 40kg woman or the granny has to wrestle the 50kg bag to the pickup while his lordship sits in the driver's seat with the windows closed and the aircon on, tapping his fingers waiting impatiently for them to finish loading.

**Rural Surin** · 28-02-2012, 11:09 PM

[quote=tsicar;2031251]

Originally Posted by arfursixpence

Only a complete heartless [at][at][at][at] would sit in a car and let two women and a 75 year old woman unload it quote]

or any ordinary thai male.

seen them buying a bag of cement at the hardware many times, and the 40kg woman or the granny has to wrestle the 50kg bag to the pickup while his lordship sits in the driver's seat with the windows closed and the aircon on, tapping his fingers waiting impatiently for them to finish loading.

....and than the ladies are expected to hop in the back of the flatbed for the ride.
Men only in the cab.

Lovely.

**arfursixpence** · 28-02-2012, 11:25 PM

[quote=tsicar;2031251]

Originally Posted by arfursixpence

Only a complete heartless [at][at][at][at] would sit in a car and let two women and a 75 year old woman unload it quote]

or any ordinary thai male.

seen them buying a bag of cement at the hardware many times, and the 40kg woman or the granny has to wrestle the 50kg bag to the pickup while his lordship sits in the driver's seat with the windows closed and the aircon on, tapping his fingers waiting impatiently for them to finish loading.

Please, please don't my stomach hurts from laughing, I know it is true but maybe I will simply explode! I see these old buggers maybe 70 year old hawking a 30/40kg sack of rice on their backs through a swamp, it cannot be easy! they are tough old gits!

**arfursixpence** · 28-02-2012, 11:35 PM

[quote=Rural Surin;2031254]

Originally Posted by tsicar

Originally Posted by arfursixpence

Only a complete heartless [at][at][at][at] would sit in a car and let two women and a 75 year old woman unload it quote]

or any ordinary thai male.

seen them buying a bag of cement at the hardware many times, and the 40kg woman or the granny has to wrestle the 50kg bag to the pickup while his lordship sits in the driver's seat with the windows closed and the aircon on, tapping his fingers waiting impatiently for them to finish loading.

....and than the ladies are expected to hop in the back of the flatbed for the ride.
Men only in the cab.

Lovely.

Well at least they usually are given a piece of cardboard to cover their faces and fan themselves...do you think they like Mistine? or Yves St. Laurent?

At the end of the day you are either HUMAN or not, If you cannot get off your arse to help a woman then you are a shit as far as I am concerned.

If you had a fight with your wife - an argument say for the purpose, would in your anger watch her get the shit kicked out of her by some retards and let it go ahead just because you were angry?

Not in a million years, you take her home and then kick the shit out of her.......No only joking! Seriously though, could you sit there , it doesn't matter about how pissed off you are, but would you watch the Grandma You Wouldn't Like To Fuck Or Ever Appear In Your Dreams Haunting you over a 50 KG bag of Cement.......not me, I like to sleep soundly. If the old woman is happy and sleeping in her bed, I have a warm hand around my balls.....if I don't, well never trust what the hand will do next! They could be strung around your nexk!

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